pinkie

me and dear in jackets..i'm wearing his addidas windbreaker

farewell D210...

officially moved out of my room yesterday. manz i didnt realised how much junk i accumulated in my room in 9 months until yesterday.. took my mum n dad close to 6 or 7 trips from my room to the car, carrying bags and boxes of books, files, clothes, toilertries, soft toys etc.. my radio, my mini-cooler, rug.. i'm gonna miss my room, my own private space for the past 9 months, that big greenie tree outside my room with red flowers, birds chirping outside my window in the morning, memories.. but i wont miss the heat, the dirt, the dust, having to do laundry myself, the occasional visits from idle mosquitoes.. will miss the proximity between me and my hall friend, the "hey let's go from dinner!" and then off we go..and suppers at fong seng.. freedom to go anywhere at night and not worry about mum calling me every other hour to nag..

yesh indeed, i think freedom and privacy is something i gonna miss the most.

now my tiny weeny room at home is like a junkyard. i spent hours last night throwing away bags of stuff in my room. throwing away my A level tbs, tys, notes..blah blah.. anyone wants? i have A LOT. such a pity to throw away something i've once put so much effort in completing. threw away my soft toys also, i've got enough to set up a shop liao lor.. i dont even have enough space to sleep..cos half my bed is occupied with soft toys. no space to do work on my table, cos it's filled with perfumes and..just other small items, like nail polish, hair bands, photo frames, lava lamp, table lamp..eh...

and old clothes as well, to make room for the new ones. haiz. what a waste sia? i need a BIG BIG room to myself. n not one tiny hole shared by me and my sis. what to do... one day lar one day.. maybe when my parents strike lottery, we can all move to a big house n i can have a room to myself. or when i make it big i can buy an apartment for myself n do anything i want with it..

lala..

the taste of freedom...

finally the exams are over! it wasnt tough, it wasnt stressful (yesterday was exception), it was just so damn longggggg....... draggy.... yay now i've all the time in the world to do whatever i want.. must have some meaningful things to do to fill up my time.. 3 months.. shuo chang bu chang, shuo duan bu duan.. lala.. :) hope to clear up some mess in my life that i've created over the past yr.. nus yr that is..

cutsie pooh bear tissue box holder from....the sweetest guy who walked from src to hall in the middle of the night and bought me milo peng n $4 fong seng fried mee. :)

just finished last year stats paper. realised i dont know how to do some of the questions. stressed. stressed. stressed. first time i'm feeling stressed during this exam period. argh. feel like pulling my hair out. been feeding off my junk food. i realised when i'm stressed, i cant stop eating. so freaking frustrating. GRRRRRR.

so exciting!! will be going aussie during the hols to find my bro!! can stay with him and maybe tour aussie a little. and it's winter time.. i just love winter. n the best is it's not the freezing kind of winter, more like a bit colder-than-aircon kind of winter. :) wish i have lots n lots n lots of money, then can go shopping for nice winter clothes.

cant wait for my paper to end tmr..yay~~...

spent $8.25 on junk food today.. so bored that i took pics of them.. they are.....

my lunch!!

..2 packets of potato chips, 1 bottle of green tea, 1 more cup noodle...

...today's newspaper - 80 cents.

give me a award for being the blurrest person on earth..

i didnt even realise my exam was open booked until the very very last min!!! haha luckily i met liwern before going to exam hall.. luckily i stay in eusoff.. had time to run back to my room n get the notes.. manz i'm such a goondu head, could have slack even more if i knew it was open book haha.. oh well.. dont have a good feeling abt the paper.. dont think i'll do very well for it.. :( not that it was very tough.. it wasn't.. just... think i never yong xin and do.. suan le, what is done is done.. one more paper to go!

some pics from jas's blog, couldnt resist putting them on my blog n sharing them with you.. -deranged-

a baby's teardrop

man utd jerseys

lala..

tv confessions

woke up at 11am n started watching discovery travel & living channel until 12.30pm. so interesting.. made me realised how much i've been missing out staying in hall.. in my tiny room where there is nothing except my lappie to accompany me, the only thing i can do is surf the net.. so i chat like 75% of the time when i'm my room.. hmm of course i could study.. but.. ok that's besides the point..

anyway i was watching this program called 'Redesign' from 11 - 12pm. it's about how a few designers revamp this big house, one using the concept of open plan living, which means.. there are basically no walls in the house. just visually and using appropriate furniture to divide the house into areas for dining, living, cooking etc.. pretty cool.. another one revamped this dining area. some things i've learned: cannot paint ur dining room..

1. blue- cos it's a unnatural colour associated with food
2. purple and black - associated with food poisoing
3. green - cannot paint unpleasant green
4. pink and purple - appetite suppressants

best to paint red n yellow - appetite stimulants
or natural colours like brown..

LALALA!

thrn 12-12.30 was citycabs. miami. MIAMI is cool. the host said she felt out of place there because everyone dresses so well, everyone is in such great shape and looks beautiful. i wish we singaporeans are more like americans ya. they are so.. expressive, enthusiastic, spontaneous, talented, unself-conscious, eloquent.. hmm... it's their culture i guess.

things to do after exams:
1. TAN. be tanner even though i know i can never be THAT tanned.
2. SHOPPING. haha. my all time favourite past time.
3. READ. i have lots of great books unread. n oh start reading newspaper too cos i realised i've lost touched with the world ever since i moved into hall..which means.. for close to..10 months..
4. FIND A JOB. financial crisis. need money to support my expenditures.
5. TRAVEL. well.. if it's possible.. i would love to.. haiz..

hmm that's all for now..

the band

indochine bar

carlsberg + my mango margarita

all of us at indochine

window shopping at victoria's secret.. ahh the dresses are so pretty! feel so tempted to buy them.. oh man haha i should be studying.. goes to show how bored i am.. the models are damn hot.. how come they can be so skinny and busty at the same time??

linen shirtdress

plain green cotten dress

halter dress

she looks a little like misha barton..dont you think so?

sexy sexy

the ONe

some random thoughts again! that crept up on me all of a sudden while i was studying stats. hmm wonder how people can marry their first gf/bf.. envy them in a way, cos they dun have to go through that much pain and suffering to find the ONE. but.. how would you know what you want if you havent had a few wrongs ones.. seriously i believe one needs to experience a few heartbreaks and/or break a few hearts to know what kind of partner you're looking for, and what sort of personality suits you.. haha but i'm not a very good example..

i've got a variety of bfs before ya.. tall, short, smart, not-so-smart, good looking, so-so, poor, rich beyond words, posessive, treats me like some goddess, treats me like shit..etc etc..

in the end sometimes what you think is important doesnt really matter.. in the end sometimes what a girl wants is just someone who is good to her, faithful, loves her..

wonderful friday

met qilin in town at 3pm today..hmm so what did we do..

shopped around in wisma and taka for a while
went over to cine to buy tics for Coach Carter


eating tako pachi, on our way to cine

went swensons for...high tea dessert!!


lovely fries


yum yum banana split


diao look

watched Coach Carter. An awesome show!! Must watch! Heart warming, touching, inspiring, entertaining.. Hmm shall i spoil it by telling you what it's about? haha..ok maybe if you're planning on catching it then dun read on. the movie is about this ex bballer who took up the task of coaching his ex sch's bball team which had been on a losing streak in the nationals for really long. neighbourhood sch, problematic students, atrocious attitudes. he came up with several extreme rules for them to abide by..n eventually he succeeded. there were several touching parts.. like when how everyone including the teachers, the parents, the students objected..never appreciate his yong xin liang ku.. when one of the athletes's friend got shot n he came looking for the coach.. one stuck with his pregnant gf even though he knows it will cost him his freedom.. a mother pleading the coach to let his son play cos she has already lost a son.. the team finally understood their coach's intentions and studied in the gym just when he was about to leave.. the team losing against a powerful team..at the very last min...

had dinner at la mian xiao long bao! my fav!!


me and dou hua shui


my wu xiang nui rou la mian


me and qilin at my place


edited aftermath

thursday night out - indochine

went to chill out at indochine with sean, terence and lenny just now.. first intention was to go wala wala cos the band on thurs is supposed to be the best, but heaven didnt help us! no parking lots at holland v and we were too impatient to wait! anyway indochine was not too bad too.. lucky sean and lenny finished their papers today, whereas me and terence still have the horrible stats paper next thurs.. GRR.


freaky picture of me and sean. haha shadows cast on us.. we look like demons.


our drinks! terence - tropical beach (left) and mine - pretty in pink (right)

mine tasted unique at first.. but after a while it was kind of tasteless..? maybe cos the ice melted.. a mixture of tea, mango juice, orange juice and some syrup which i forgot the name of already. $7.50.. not exactly that worth it.. unless you have super power taste buds that can discern the different 'tints' of the drink.


the band

3 down 2 more to go...

paper today was okies.. not that easy to score cos it's a history paper after all.. but the questions didnt require much studying.. so 2 more papers to go. next paper on 3rd, next tues. yay 6 days' break! holiday time!! haha temporary break.. :) going out tonight.. yay~~ lalala...

the saddest thing about a funeral..

desperately in need of intensive mugging for my morning paper tmr, but couldnt resist dropping a post. just returned from my grandfather's cremation. the first drama was that when i got there, everyone was alreadying in their white shirts and black/blue slacks and socks standing in front of my grandpa's casket and photo, holding a bunch of flowers and/or incense sticks in their hands.. the shifu was praying. i was hurried to change into that extremely baggy slacks. there were rituals to be done, like walking around the casket and plucking the petals off the flowers. *blurs* i had completely no clue what to do, just followed my cousins ahead of me.

the rituals doesnt make sense. so the soul will really rest in peace? hmm made me think.. rituals are more for the living than for the dead ya.. to make us feel at peace that the death is at peace. i wasnt particularly THAT sad. know what was the saddest part of the funeral? not when i walked past the casket n peered into it n seeing my grandpa's face.. but when i saw my grandma sobbing uncontrollably..at her age.. and my aunts n even uncles crying.. made me want to cry too.. but if i cry, that would be ridiculous. even my mum didnt cry.

after the cremation we were supposed to throw away our socks. great. cos i was the only idiot who didnt bring my shoes along. so i had to walk barefoot onto the road to hail a cab. eeee..

oki mugging time. one morning gone.

tired

tired. 2 down 3 more to go. viet paper was as usual ok today. i was feeling so sleepy and drowsy that i couldnt even be bothered to really check through my essay haha. just couldnt wait to get back to my comfy bedroom. maybe it's the exam stress getting at me too... :(...

why do people take photographs?

i take photos to liu nian ba.. to freeze that particular moment when i was basking in joyous bliss..be it with my friends, my family, or my once-upon-a-time lovers. when i'm sad, or in doubt, or in need of some comfort and reassurance, i can reminisce on them.. when people get hurt in a relationship, they tend to want to wipe out all evidence of memories about that person who hurt them. but i always wonder what is the point.. when you really forget someone, you delete him/her from your heart.. such material abandonment is inessential.. but of course to some, it would help.

i'm a practical person. i move on. the past is what it is, the past.
i'm an emotional person. i cry. though sometimes you can't see.

there was once my ex showed me all his photos with his previous gfs. i was wondering why the hell was he showing me all that, as if i'm interested to know? it'll only make me jealous. but he said it was to help me understand what he has been through all this time, to help me understand him.. made sense too.. to love a person truly, you have to understand that person right?

phone loser

got my sim card back already, but i dont have a phone yet. so peeps dun try contacting me yet! good in a sense.. people who irritates me cant contact me, people who dont want to contact me wont feel obliged to contact me.

a line, a word, a phrase, a sentence...

funny how different people respond to words that other people use. we are all individuals who come from different backgrounds, molded by different environments, shaped by different experiences.. that must explain the differences in sensitivitives of each individual to certain words.. for example if someone says,"Hey you look like shit.", it might not strike any chord in me, i'll just laugh it off and forget abt it. but if this was directed at another friend, she might take it personally and ignore you for the rest of the day.

so sometimes, be careful when you say something.. you never know when you'll offend who.. you never know which words will end up hurting that person.. even if it was meant as a joke, even if to you it was just a harmless attempt at jest, even if it was never your intention to hurt anyone...

god is playing a joke on us...

It's so true.. it's all a joke... an unexpected one.. a fantastical one to a horrible one to another sweet one.. so many things to say, yet so restrained.. my life has been complicated, though only i will be able to truly comprehend what i just said.. all i want is a simple life.. really..

grandfather passed away yesterday.. at the grand age of 90.. i must say he is considered very long lived, considering the fact that he has been smoking all his life, even when i saw him during chinese new year this year. it was sudden. he was hospitalised on thurs, n then before anyone knew it, he was gone the next morning. it is good in a sense.. save him from much suffering, or the thought that his death date is hovering near.. i cant say i'm especially sad, cos after all i was never very close to him.. mum is upset of course.. inevitably.. although she didnt express any of emotions to us.. neither did she shed any tears.. but i guess deep down inside she must be really.. sorrowful? grief stricken? i'm lousy at offering words of consolation.. so.. sigh..

i'm confused once again...

one down, four more to go..

slept at 11.30pm last night after OC to make sure i'll be alive and 100% awake when i wake up this morning! it's feels good when you actually wake up early and dont feel tired. :) first paper, my core paper, life sciences biodiversity.. it was alright. how bad can it be when it's open book? oki very bad actually but this paper was fine. but i'm a tad sad.. lenny, terence n i were talking at the bus stop after the papers.. they were comparing what they got for the tests. n i just came to the realisation that no matter how well i do for this paper, i'll never be able to do well overall, because i did so badly for all my class tests and daily work etc.. exam - 60%, class tests - 40%. i only study when exams come, i totally heck the class tests. you know i dont even dare to check my daily work score cos i know i'll do damn badly? haha..yiming the coward. sigh..ok must remind myself next sem to change this bad habit of mine. it used to work in rj, cos if i didnt remember wrongly, the weightage for exams is 100%. sigh sigh triple sigh...

i didnt really want to blog today cos i've come to realise perhaps i've been writing a tad too much about my life on my blog.. which isnt exactly very good.. hmm.. but anyway i watched the movie CREEP today. a horror movie, but wasnt scary at all?? oki i'm a scardy cat so little things freak me out la.. so.. by normal standards, the show wasn't scary. simple plot, typical screen effects, mediocre acting..

one more day to my first paper.. panick panick..

me and liwern on a photo taking spreee

smileys

act cutee!! kawaii ne!!

falling in love with the feeling of being in love...

sometimes people fall in love, thinking they are in love. but actually they are just in love with the feeling of being in love with each other.

love takes time to develop. for communication between 2 people, to understand each other.. how can you love someone if you dont know that person? isn't that just attraction? isnt love at first sight merely just attraction between two individuals? physical attraction.. cos that's all you see from the surface..

family

i really cannot concentrate.. most people can study best at night when all is peaceful and quiet and there is no one to disturb them.. but i study best in the day, when the sun is shining bright and strong.. so i really really cant concentrate now.. of course there's the distraction of msn..

anyway just thinking about the chat i had with my bro a few days ago. he is studying in australia now.. it was a brief chat, nothing especially emotional also.. but he said some things that kind of hit me.. both mum and dad are working, and they usually come home at 10pm plus.. there is no one at home to look after my sister.. or grandma.. ok my sis is 16, she doesnt really need much taking care after, but it really gets kind of lonely at home when you're all alone, with no one to talk to, or share what happened in the day.. even I feel alone when i'm home alone. bro said i should try to be home more often..

gulity.. true. i'm a selfish soul ya. i insist on staying in hall because.. i want freedom, i have friends here and it's ultra convenient. but being away at home makes me want to be home more often to spend time with my family. to make sure there is someone there for my sis. to talk to my mum. anyway i'm glad i'll be moving home in 3 weeks' time. family is important ya.

boring day...

spent the afternoon studying at the west coast macs with tom and whiston. i realised i'm productive so long as i dont have my lappie with me to log on to the net and chat!! studied from 2-5pm.. and then met joel for dinner, holland village katong laksa. i LOVE katong laksa. lalala :)

tom and whiston studying

act cute tom

west coast park macs

viet: know what it means??

gulity! while the rest of the nus population is blasting their heads off cramming for the upcoming exams, i was out the whole night, thanks to mr qilin. went with him all the way to toa payoh sport complex to watch the finals of..what is it called..some national men bball tournament, divison 1.. between home utd (the police apparently) and some club called eng tat. *shrug* not very familiar with the basketball league. the match was lukewarm at best, since the scores started drawing apart very early in the game. on top of that, i'm was never a very bball person, didnt have enough experience or knowledge to gain much insights of the game. nonetheless it was fun watching guys brawl and battle. lalaa~


the team behind the bars - timeout!


cheerleading segment during half time of the match

that guy received some certificate for being selected to be in the national bball team. impressive huh?? see guy, i'm helping you pulicise!! girls, single guy up for grabs! 1.82m, tanned, sporty..eh for more details contact me.. haha.. oops.. anyway he has big dreams.. gambatte!! i believe you can make it!! with a bit of perserverance and determination... *grins*

we went to cine to watch Guess Who after that match. the plot was nothing special, the typical dad meet son-in-law comedy. it was funny, bound to cough out some laughs from you.. a feel good show..


view from the taka steps..where we ate n waited for the show to start


dabao from yoshinoya..apparently not very appetising cos we couldnt even finish it between the two of us


green tea - 2 for $1.60, bought exclusively from cine cheers

yawns should get to bed soon. the night isn't young. n i still got to study tmr!

a break from being a mugging toad..

today must be the day i studied the most in this entire semester. haha woke up at 10 plus, was determined to make today productive! so i carried my piles of BORING biodiversity notes to the living room, set myself at a comfortable position on the sofa, in front of the tv, n...mind you, i didnt touch the remote control at all, my dad did however.. haha was momentarily distracted by some crappy taiwan variety show.. OK the key word is momentarily. i did managed to study.. albeit i must admit i could have been even more productive if i didnt log on to msn.. but just cant keep my itchy fingers off the net ya.. started chatting.. *gulity* chatting is evil.

just kind of finished with studying viet. i get bored easily,when i come to the last few chapters, i just flip through them... viet is not that a difficult lang to master, but it's those irritating tone marks that get on my nerves! viet words has dots, ~, ^,' etc punctuations on top or below some of the alphabets and i just cant remember them!

anyway just thought of sth in the middle of studying viet..

my next bf must be able to....
attract me physically
interest me intellectually
fulfill me emotionally
afford me financially (haha!)
touch me romantically...

the last factor is very important.. cos i'm a sucker for romance.. hmm..

my mundane day must be boring you out.. but i'm really bored..

love
ok i'm not done yet. people single are constantly complaining about their status ya, wondering when they will meet the ONE. somehow i'm contented with being who i am now.. come to think of it, what is so attractive about having a bf/gf.. of course.. the feeling of being in love with someone who is also in love with you is like the most fantastic feeling in the world! that cloud nine floating in the air feeling, that inexplicable joy and contentment.. of just simply having that individual by your side.. of having someone to snuggle in with on a rainy day, a warm body to hug when you're sad.. suddenly all those depressing love songs no longer make sense.

ok there was once a time when everything aforementioned applied to me. it's over, but it's ok. life doesnt revolves around love. i have friends and my family, my future, my money, my studies to think about.

on the flip side. love can sux big time. the sucky thing about being in love is, it leaves you so damn vulnerable to emotional assaults. i hate that vulernable feeling. i hate feeling weak. it's not working for some of my friends.. you know who you are.. sometimes i dont understand why people still stick together when they are so miserable being tgr. usually they will say "cos i love him/her.." but hey what the hell, what is the point of being tgr if you're crying all the time.. very fun is it.. love isn't enough..takes compatibility as well. takes two people who knows what they want in life to maintain a long term relationship.

sigh if you dont love her, let her go and find someone who appreciates her better. if you do, then dont do things that will make her upset. how can you bear to see her upset if you love her?? i dont understand the things guys do sometimes.. they dont think with their heads.. they think with their.. you know. if he doesnt love you, let him go and find someone who LOVEs you!! be kind to yourself! the world is so big, you're bound to meet someone! ok this is going out to a few of my friends.. hmm doesnt matter whether you know who you are..

random thoughts.

sunset bay

listening to 'one last cry' by david tao.. it's making me sad.. :(

went sunset bay with fabian, qilin, eugene and jt today. a few of their safsa bballer friends joined us later, kelvin, ah boon and humhum (dun ask me, i dont know what kind of name is that..). wanted to suntan but obviously the weather wasnt very kind to us.. it rained quite a lot, and the sun was mostly hiding behind heavy clouds. i supposed i had fun, tanned for a brief period of sunny weather, played around in the sea with tyres.. after that the guys engaged in a marathon of volleyball games, that left me pretty bored, with nothing much to do besides admiring the surroundings. got bored of that and went for a walk.. wanted to get away from the activities.. and just be alone for a while..a guy approached me and wanted to make friends with me. i was pretty fan gan about it at first, extremely adamant to talk to him..

i was like.. "so was it a dare? did your friends dare you to come and ask for my number?"

"eh yes.. but i wanted to know you myself.."

oh well at least he was honest. found out he is 22, from sp, a hongkonger, knows how to speak cantonese, shanghai-nese. interesting enough. he seemed like a nice guy. not too bad looking, however a little too short for my liking.

back from a day out.. the most obvious thing to do now is...study.. but.. i dont know why.. but i just feel so lost.. grr why why why.. like there's something lacking.. something that i cant put my finger on.. i cant seem to concentrate on whatever i'm doing.. i'm not interested to do anything.. i just dont know what i want to do.. this has nothing to do with anyone else.. it's just me myself.. there seemed to be a barrier for me to be happy. i even have to remind myself consciously to be NORMAL so i wont affect the people around me. sian-ness is contagious you know.

i'll be heading home from hall soon.. maybe i should just watch tv, immerse myself in some heart wrenching drama serial..and sleep.. when i wake up tmr morning, everything will be fine..

my day

food i ate today:
breakfast - spring roll + char siew bao
lunch - carrot cake
dinner - 2 pieces of red bean buns


my dinner - pathetic red bean buns

....

i'm hungry. grr.

attend this seminar at international plaza with eugene. it was about business and entrepreneurship. interesting, inspiring and enlightening. reminds me of mlm. it's not that i havent though about it, i have, but i dont know how to do it, or what to do. the speakers were good, dynamic, enthusiastic. oh well i guess that's expected. anyway exams are coming, first things first, the rest will come later. actually it's probably just an exucse not to think. but right now i really need to cleanse my mind, at least a little.

if there's a will, there's a way.

anyway to eugene..wo zhi chi ni!!! i believe you can make it!! :)

loneliness is bitting at me..

i'm afraid of the dark.
i'm afraid of being alone.
i need msn to make me feel connected to the rest of the world, n not in reality, isolated.. a lone figure in the barren land.. emptiness, hollow.. scream and hear echoes. speak and receive silence. cry and realise there arent any shoulders to bear your burdens. shudders, and hug yourself tight. claws, marks on the walls..

just a bunch of words that doesnt make sense..

thanks to joel who has been keeping me company these days. who generously paid for the skirt, n brought me that spark of joy.

sat by the roadside in front of taka, watching the passer bys saunter by, the cars racing, the lights aglow.. are they happy? are we happy? am i happy?

a messed up life. people swaggering in, termination, doors slammed shut, poker faced.. what is left? a lesson learnt? an indestructible memory? or just.. nothingness.. what is gained? what is lost? life eventually returns to equilibrium. what's next? a cycle through and through? no more.. i've had enough.

i've grown up, havent i.. jaded.

paragon in colour

paragon in sepia

joel's fantasy

the lovely skirt i bought from forever 21!! yay!! so happy!!

me eating at yoshinoya, cine

tay yiming took a pic of herself acting cute cos she got too bored reading her notes

disclipine..

i've always been disclipined all my life, which is why i have always been able to do relatively average even though i play a lot.. but that trait of mine doesnt seem very prominant these days.. while others on their hard core exam mode, laboriously studying, i'm more in a holiday mood. went swimming with daniel just now, oh well, more like he swam and i suntanned. nothing exciting, but a nice change from studying in my puny room, staring at those puny black words that doesnt make sense.

i need to be more disclipined. not much time left.

me n jas acting spastic - bored out of our minds!