slack day

I slept during lecture again...sigh I'm perpetually tired and sleepy. Irritating. After lect I went to the law library to study for my lsm 1101 test tmr..it's the first time i'm officially reading my biochemistry textbook and notes. Studied for 3 hours then...got really sick and tired of it so I decided to just heck. Siwei is right. I'm not aiming to be on dean's list, so..what for study so hard? Just 'can make it' can liao.. OKok bad attitude..sigh I'm just not in the mood to study.

Talking to my friend who just reached london 5 days ago, studying at Imperial. Cool..funny..I don't feel any envy now...going overseas to study is a good experience, but staying in singapore isn't so bad after all...always look on the bright side of life..:)

Hungry...I want my dinner!

screwed up test

Screwed up my test even though it was a 20 questions MCQ paper..makes it all the more trickier. Think I would do better..not that I deserve to do any better considering how much time I spent studying. But on the other hand, I think studying more wouldn't have made a difference, because the questions weren't straightforward. Okies enough about the test. I don't like brooding what is already over and can't be undone.

Shall update again later. Feeling sleepy now..as usual..

To annoymous

You're right, I know myself best. Although I don't know who you are, but I think no matter who you are, you won't know me better than myself. So think twice before you pass any judgement. Seriously, you know nothing.

Thoughts

Time really passes damn fast.. It's going to be oct soon, half a sem is over, and maybe with just another blink of the eye, the entire year 1 in NUS would have ended, just like that.. Time is passing too fast.. I wish to slow time down, because I'm enjoying myself..:)

The past week was our mid term break. I stayed in hall the entire week even though I wasn't exactly expecting myself too. Thought I would stay at home to pass more time with my family. -shrug- But since so many of my friends are in hall for me to hang around with, I stayed.

Celebrated terence's birthday with the pageant people last night. We are really a close knit group..it feels good to hang out together like that. Life in science would have been much boring without them..without terence and wenyan to crap with during lsm lects, and to constantly remidn me when our tests are, and send me lab reports for 'reference'..without sean there would be no one to ferry us around, and life would be a lot quieter too haha.

Watched xin jing cha gu shi, the jackie chan show with some of the hall people after that. Nice show. I hang around with the law guys pretty often now, because I'm particularly close to siwei, who is of course a law guy himself, and stay just below me. We can clique really well. Like I told him, there's just this thing between us that makes us snap. Chemistry? That's what make some friends, and others aquaintances. He is so sweet to me, like how a big brother would take care of his sister. Hmm hehe. Actually I feel pretty bad, always eating up his mooncakes and chocolates, and dropping crumbs all over his room. Oh well..

I have 2 tests next week. I haven't officially started..maybe just..read a bit of the notes here and there. But haiya..I don't know..I just cant get into the mood to study. I feel distracted and restless, even when I'm alone, like today.. It stresses me to see how terence and wenyan study. Haiyo. Results don't really matter to me that much, as long as I don't do THAT badly. Dean's list or not, what's the difference? Ok different mentality..bad mentality... Luckily I still fare pretty well for my chem test...phew...

I will miss hall life soo much when I leave..if I ever don't get to stay..I know it's a bit early to say this, but time really seem to be zooming past me that I think the academic year will end before I know it. I actually don't mind just staying in hall the whole time, not coming home at all...In hall, it feels like I'm playing and having fun all the time.

I almost wish I'm in law. The people are so much more fun and happening than those in science. And you actually can form a clique from law. Life science cohort is so huge that you see different people in every single lects. There's no way you can actually form a close group of friends just from science. Not so bad for me, cos I have the pageant people. I wonder how those who don't take part in outside activities survive. Won't it be damn boring?? Oh well I guess if you don't stay in hall, you would probably join a cca or sth. Anyway reverting back to law, it's just a passing thought, I won't really want to be in it cos..I have absolutely no interest in it, and seeing the books they study further extingiush my desire.

You know what, I still miss him. I still think of him every now and then. In fact I think about him every day. Things happen, I see things that remind me of what he has said, what we have done together, what he likes, what he gave me.. but slowly and gradually, I'm replacing my wallpaper, I'm throwing away dried flowers, I've kept the photos in my drawer...yes slowly and gradually..I'm putting him away. Sam told me I should email him to get an answer. A closure at least so I can move on. I didn't do it, I don't think I would. Initially I would feel miserable everytime I think about him, trying to play guessing game with myself.. Does he think about me as much as I think of him? Does he still love me? I realise..even if I did ask him, it wouldn't matter..the fact remains, he is not going to be back...for a long time...and nothing he says, would make me give up, or forget him. But life goes on. He has his own life, I have mine. I won't forget him, but I won't let him take over my life. I've kept him in a corner of my heart, a beautiful memory..focus on the right things in life. One day, perhaps one day when I see him again, I'll take out this piece of memory from my heart, and let it be rejuveanted, or die..

I've wrote a lot today, make up for the past week..too much thoughts, too little time to express..

favours

There are a lot of people around me who are really nice to me.. I'm not blind and I do see them.. Sometimes even I myself feel that I seem to be exploiting the people around me, without meaning to be. I stupidly knocked over my uncapped water bottle yesterday and spilled water onto my laptop. But no worries, all is well. My laptop seemed to be functioning just as well. I was lucky, and also thanks to my friend, who spent time using hair dryer drying it while I was in lecture.

Another friend of mine attempted to give me advice, said I can't be bothered to solve trival matters by myself, and I'm always relying on others to solve them for me. Not something I would like to hear, but the reason why I don't like to hear it is because it's precisely so true. I'm always relying on others to do things for me. Not that I'm not capable od solving problems by myself, I'm sure if I make an effort to actually try in the first place, I would be able to do it. I'm just too plain lazy..and too used to external help.

Those who help me always say, "What will happen if I'm not around?". Yeah thought about that too, what will happen if there isn't anyone to help me... But somehow there is always someone around...somehow...at least so far...

Cloudy head

Feeling a little sad now.. having a lot of things on my mind, about a lot of people, about my life.. Played squash for 5 mins just now n got bored. There are 2 squash courts in my hall, which makes it very convenient for me to play. Bored.. 3.5 hours have passed, and I haven't accomplished anything.

Sleepy day

I was so sleepy this morning. Left my econs lecture half way because I gathered since I'm going to sleep through the lecture, I might as well retreat to my hostel which is a 5 mins' walk away from the LT, and have a more comfortable rest. Went back, sleep sleep sleep, woke up at 11.30 just in time to make it for my lab at 12. 12-4 lab, stupid experiment. We kept screwing up the dilution and had to repeat the entire thing. Irritating. Went back to hall, decided to skip tutorial at 6pm. Haha in fact I conveniently forgot that I still had a tutorial to attend. Heck.

Ok so after lab I went back to hall with the intention to study really hard, to catch up on the lecture I missed. But..things rarely turned out the way I want them to.. I did my laundry, went to my friend's room to borrow econs textbook, and ended up listening to him for the next 30 mins telling me his sobbing love story... Sad? Sad! It's so sad to see him love the girl so much yet his feelings aren't reciprocated. No one's fault. God playing a trick on them. :( I told him to let it go. In fact I told him that many times already, but apparently it has fallen on deaf ears. Let it go. If it was meant to be, fate will bring you together again. Haiz seeing him so heartbroken breaks my heart too...

Had a nice dinner, chit chatting with hall friends. Back to the room, tried to get work done but unsuccessful again. Talking to friend. And next here I am, at home..STILL trying to do work......

I was so tired this morning. Woke up at 8am for breakfast, fell asleep after breakfast and then woke up at 11.45am when my lecture was at 12pm! Rush rush rush and it was a miracle I was only 5 mins late. That's the great thing about staying in hall.. Had the most hilarious tutorial after that. My tutor is a Thai who not only can't speak English properly, he can't understand us either. Class discussion was pathetic..and you would think classes in University should be a lot more interesting..my JC class would have done much better.. A Vietnamese in class did a presentation and his accent was so strong that no one understood what he was saying. All the locals were trying desperately to hide our giggles. My friend and I were struggling not to burst out laughing.. Okok I know that was mean cos he can't help it, but ahh we couldn't control it either...

An uneventful day... I have a lot of work to do... Better try to get something accomplished.. Sigh it's already 12.30..

Complications

Today wasn't a very long day. Ok do I normally start off my blog with such an innocent statement? Usually I'll say something obscure..like.."Life is full of complications." Haha which was initally what I wanted to type before I stopped myself. Heh. OK i'm crapping. It's 2.19am, I'm feeling freaking tired, but I can't sleep..yet..trying to solve my..complications...

I have been eating a lot recently. Think I'll start putting on weight soon. Haiya. Played squash just now, but it wasn't exactly that intensive. Sweat but it wasn't a complete work out. OH well, something is better than nothing.

As I was saying at the start, today wasn't a very long day..all I had was 2 lectures. I feel bad, cos I spent the whole night running about, never study... oh NO..

whoO hOo

2nd entry for today. Boring day. Slacking day. Rest day. Gave tuition in the late afternoon and then went for a little grocery shopping after that. Decided to stock up some food in hostel so I won't go hungry at night..ok I know it's bad..once I have food around me I tend to keep eating until I finish everything. Which is why I bought 5 apples, 2 boxes of grapes, cheese, yakult..and erm..a pack of kit kat, ritz, chips amoy... Hmm not a lot huh, shall buy somemore tomorrow..

Haiya I can't do any studying because I left all my textbooks and notes in my hostel. Oh well I didn't FORGET I had to study.. I just..eh..left them behind.......what am I saying huh.

Tomorrow is the start of a brand new week. Gonna be busy cos I'll be having all my labs and tutorials. Free in the evening because there is no more pageant training. Lalalala..

Finale

Yesterday marks the ending of my 2 months' catwalking... Dinner and dance came and went, and everything is finally over.. Like all endings, partings are such sweet sorrow. Emotions were high, a mixture of joy and sadness. Though all of us knew that we are definitely going to run into each other in school, we also know that things are never going to be the same again. No more endurance of harsh scoldings together, no more crapping, joking and slacking during trainings, no more trainings til wee hours of the morning, no more late night suppers.. We have formed strong bonds with each, hopefulling one that is strong enough to withstand the fact that we aren't going to see each other as often now..

It has been a wonderful experience. The feeling when you look back at something is always different. They showed this video of us during trainings, the bash, OG fashion show..and I suspect everyone felt the same way as me when they watched it.. A sense of nostalgia.. I have learnt so much about myself from this pageant. Imagine doing loads of catwalk in front of so many people..the dean was even there last night! Imagine having to answer questions on stage...

There was this performance we had to put up. Each couple was supposed to act out a scene from a movie. Mine was one from the Sassy Girl whereby the girl made the guy wear her high heels and walk. Hey to tell you the truth, never in my life before this did I think I could act, not to mention in front of an audience. I always thought I was the sort who would tremble and just DIE if you ask me to do stuff in front of so many people . But..apparently things went smoothly. The skit went really well, the audience was cooperative.. It is actually not that difficult! Outsiders would think it's not easy, but now that I've done it, I would say it's definitely not as difficult as it seems...of course there was the rush of adrenaline, and backstage was literally freezing cold, me and fellow contestant were like hugging each other and constantly reminding each other to keep calm the moment before we were supposed to appear on stage.. All in all..I really enjoyed it..

Post- pageant. We went for a HUGE supper after the event. We went newton to eat since it is one of the few places that is opened at 2am. Satay, singtray, lala (cockles, suger cane, dumplings.. We are all going to get fat after pageant heh...

Back to my life..I'm going to be so free from now on..time to concentrate on my studies..