was told i was a lonely girl by someone today, two people actually, and one of them only met me once and spoken to me briefly. what a strange observation to make of someone who barely knows you. nevertheless, the simple and candid sentence of, "you're a lonely girl", struck something deep down inside.
constantly preoccupying myself erases the realisation of the need of constant companionship. something always comes along, perhaps that's why i never wondered what would happen if one day, the world ceases to rotate, and i'm the only one left in action.
today wasnt a perfect day at work. i had the monday blues. dont wanna go into da dao li now. went to the driving range just now and am proud to say...i hit the ball!! with minimal no. of air balls and lousy-roll-down-the-carpet sort of balls. was quite fun actually and you actually get a sense of satisfaction when you hit the ball. it's really a game that requires one to focus.
sigh, but sometimes i wonder how i can focus when there are so many things to juggle. (not referring to golf here)
am leaving for hk on wed morning and coming back on sunday night. looking forward to the air-con temp in hk no!
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Saturday, October 27, 2007
work over life
was talking to clifford in the afternoon today and he mentioned that he has been swarmed with work for the past 2 weeks. he asked how was my life and i said practically the same; life revolves mainly around work these days, the rest of the elements are just add-ons.
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
That is not very healthy girl.
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
Work should be secondary in life.. No matter how.
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
Family and love should ALWAYS come first.
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
Else in later part of life you will realised you lived for nothing.
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
Work is never and will never be the constant in one's life.
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
A lesson you should learn.
ooohhh rightt.
come to think of it, when we're young, we think work is everything. work gives you money to enjoy and buy the things that you want. work gives you a sense of personal satisfaction and achievement. work gives you status amongst your family and your peers. work gives you money to get married and have kids and ensure your kids have a good education. blah blah blah...
but at the end of the day, work is just...WORK. it's just something you happen to be doing in your life, a kind of accessory that you can do with or without. something that is not worth your time and efforts except for the reason to fund your other essentials in life. it does well to dispel one's boredom, to make personal progress and to expand one's social circle (depending on the nature of the job) too.
it's really extremely unimportant if you really think about it. if you made a mistake in a job, you can always move on. if you made a mistake with someone you loved, can you always move on?
after saying so much, i still dont know exactly whether i do practise what i preach haha. for now, work proves to be a great distraction and strangely comforting sometimes.
he, the wise one, says that the one who can keep his emotions in check best will win the race. advice noted, nevertheless there are times when my pride struggles to retain back some justice for myself. striving to be a cool girl...
on other occasions, work's just a total bitch.
p/s: trip to HCM cancelled, trip to hk pending. sigh..fly me away will you..
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
That is not very healthy girl.
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
Work should be secondary in life.. No matter how.
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
Family and love should ALWAYS come first.
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
Else in later part of life you will realised you lived for nothing.
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
Work is never and will never be the constant in one's life.
Defrosting... says (1:12 PM):
A lesson you should learn.
ooohhh rightt.
come to think of it, when we're young, we think work is everything. work gives you money to enjoy and buy the things that you want. work gives you a sense of personal satisfaction and achievement. work gives you status amongst your family and your peers. work gives you money to get married and have kids and ensure your kids have a good education. blah blah blah...
but at the end of the day, work is just...WORK. it's just something you happen to be doing in your life, a kind of accessory that you can do with or without. something that is not worth your time and efforts except for the reason to fund your other essentials in life. it does well to dispel one's boredom, to make personal progress and to expand one's social circle (depending on the nature of the job) too.
it's really extremely unimportant if you really think about it. if you made a mistake in a job, you can always move on. if you made a mistake with someone you loved, can you always move on?
after saying so much, i still dont know exactly whether i do practise what i preach haha. for now, work proves to be a great distraction and strangely comforting sometimes.
he, the wise one, says that the one who can keep his emotions in check best will win the race. advice noted, nevertheless there are times when my pride struggles to retain back some justice for myself. striving to be a cool girl...
on other occasions, work's just a total bitch.
p/s: trip to HCM cancelled, trip to hk pending. sigh..fly me away will you..
Thursday, October 25, 2007
sciencey night out
just had a life science gathering at holland v. met up with my nus pals, ck, ant, wenyan and sean. missing in action are lenny and terence. a good dinner at crystal jade and then chill out at harry's.
nothing beats more than a good night's out with my bestest buddies. :)
i'm tired. zzz.
on other note, might be flying to HCM and hk next week. i'm happy to be going away for a while again.
hmm. many many things to be done....
nothing beats more than a good night's out with my bestest buddies. :)
i'm tired. zzz.
on other note, might be flying to HCM and hk next week. i'm happy to be going away for a while again.
hmm. many many things to be done....
Monday, October 22, 2007
travel bites
i should start blogging about some happy events before i get shot for all these depressing posts. umm but honestly i get most of my inspiration to blog only when i'm pondering over some sad facets of life.
it's a rainy night. how nice if i have someone to cuddle up with now...mmmm...
i'm dreaming about holidays. i realise though i've been to far far away places such as US and europe, i havent really explored SEA, popular nearby getaways such as phuket, tioman, langkawi, manila, hanoi, taipei, bali....and then there's japaaan... i want to travel to somewhere this dec, but it seems as if ticket prices are rocket high, even for budget airlines like jetstar. sigh sigh. looks like christmas is going to be stuck in boring old singapore.
long to go somewhere cooold this christmas...
why does christmas reminds me of the little match girl? out in the open selling matches whilst peering into windows of warm fireplaces..
it's a rainy night. how nice if i have someone to cuddle up with now...mmmm...
i'm dreaming about holidays. i realise though i've been to far far away places such as US and europe, i havent really explored SEA, popular nearby getaways such as phuket, tioman, langkawi, manila, hanoi, taipei, bali....and then there's japaaan... i want to travel to somewhere this dec, but it seems as if ticket prices are rocket high, even for budget airlines like jetstar. sigh sigh. looks like christmas is going to be stuck in boring old singapore.
long to go somewhere cooold this christmas...
why does christmas reminds me of the little match girl? out in the open selling matches whilst peering into windows of warm fireplaces..
broken myths
the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow..when you were young, you probably didnt know that rainbows are merely no more than a trick that the physics of light has played on our eyes. if we could step forward and touch it, you realise it's as immaterial as breezes of air.
isnt it then, sometimes better to take a step back to admire this beautiful sight, and never have to find out that it is in actual fact, non-existent....
isnt it better then, to be gullible and naive and live in a bubble, blissful unaware of the dangers lurking behind the shadows...than to know, and be wary?
it's a tough decision really. but like i've mentioned long long long time ago...'the mind once broadened, can never retain its original confines..' it doesnt seem like we have much of a choice what people want to tell you.
i once believed in fairy tale love. i didnt know whether for a fact that existed or not, but i thought there was evidence that this existed when you watch movies, or when you see old couples holding hands on the streets. however rare such sights are, at one small naive corner of my heart, i held on to the belief. yet these days, i find that small glimmer of hope of mine, slowly corroding, and harder and harder to hold on to.
the broken myths...
heartbreaks occur everyday...for those whose hearts are aching now, i truly sympathise with you. as the cliche goes, time heal all wounds. treasure the courage you had, even if it was at the spur of the moment, to let go of the internal turmoil. Some people never found it, and only lived with much greater regrets. It is so easy to succumb and lapse back into that comfort zone....
cheer up my dear girl.
isnt it then, sometimes better to take a step back to admire this beautiful sight, and never have to find out that it is in actual fact, non-existent....
isnt it better then, to be gullible and naive and live in a bubble, blissful unaware of the dangers lurking behind the shadows...than to know, and be wary?
it's a tough decision really. but like i've mentioned long long long time ago...'the mind once broadened, can never retain its original confines..' it doesnt seem like we have much of a choice what people want to tell you.
i once believed in fairy tale love. i didnt know whether for a fact that existed or not, but i thought there was evidence that this existed when you watch movies, or when you see old couples holding hands on the streets. however rare such sights are, at one small naive corner of my heart, i held on to the belief. yet these days, i find that small glimmer of hope of mine, slowly corroding, and harder and harder to hold on to.
the broken myths...
heartbreaks occur everyday...for those whose hearts are aching now, i truly sympathise with you. as the cliche goes, time heal all wounds. treasure the courage you had, even if it was at the spur of the moment, to let go of the internal turmoil. Some people never found it, and only lived with much greater regrets. It is so easy to succumb and lapse back into that comfort zone....
cheer up my dear girl.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
loving you
perhaps i have indeed formed a shield over my heart. who can break through the protective shell? it's not that i have been hurt too many times; i have been hurt no more times than the layman on the street. but i've been through many relationships, and it has kind of numbified me. i've been hearing much about failed marriages, straying husbands and wives who are no longer interested. it is stripping away my faith, layer by layer..until eventually there's nothing left to give anymore.
i've built a dam in the recesses of my heart. a well controlled emotional dam, efficiently regulating the flow of love/hate that is allowed past it. i've met people whom i cant love, people whom i know are totally incompatible with my expectations of a life long partner, people whom are compatible but yet..i cannot bring myself to love or hurt.
or perhaps, i would like to think of course, that i havent met the right one. or simply put, it's not the right time. i simply cant sprint when the finishing line isnt in sight; but i fear i have been jogging so much that i have no stamina to sprint when i finally see the finishing line.
i fear i'm incapable of loving anymore.
viscous undercurrents beneath the seemingly peaceful reservoir
i've built a dam in the recesses of my heart. a well controlled emotional dam, efficiently regulating the flow of love/hate that is allowed past it. i've met people whom i cant love, people whom i know are totally incompatible with my expectations of a life long partner, people whom are compatible but yet..i cannot bring myself to love or hurt.
or perhaps, i would like to think of course, that i havent met the right one. or simply put, it's not the right time. i simply cant sprint when the finishing line isnt in sight; but i fear i have been jogging so much that i have no stamina to sprint when i finally see the finishing line.
i fear i'm incapable of loving anymore.
viscous undercurrents beneath the seemingly peaceful reservoirSunday, October 14, 2007
ramblings again
it's so irritating being a human sometimes. the ability to feel makes the carrying of a task less efficient. sometimes i feel like i'm being taken on a roller coaster ride; one moment i'm flying high, the next i'm plunging deep into the abyss.
there are so many sides to a story, so many angles that one is able to look at a certain issue, so many stands which you can choose to take...how do you decide which one you want to sit on? i'm not even saying we should take the right one, because certainly there's no right one. most often than not, we would choose the one that makes us more comfortable, no? the one that succeeds in making us feel the best, perhaps letting us feel victimised and allowing us to indulge in several bouts of self-pity without feeling loser-istic about it. and then unfortunately, someone else comes into the picture, presents another point of view, knocks you out of that self-pity mode, and you realise you're indeed being loser-istic.
sometimes i wish i can deflect opinions/comments like a reflecting board, but like greenhouse effect, there's only so much heat that i can fight, the rest is inevitably absorbed and it scorches.
take for example, walking on a tightrope on the 98th storey. it's not the fear of falling that impedes one's progress; but the fear of the fear of falling.
anyway i'm sick and tired of thinking. just do it man!
*yawns* onto the 2nd season of entourage.
there are so many sides to a story, so many angles that one is able to look at a certain issue, so many stands which you can choose to take...how do you decide which one you want to sit on? i'm not even saying we should take the right one, because certainly there's no right one. most often than not, we would choose the one that makes us more comfortable, no? the one that succeeds in making us feel the best, perhaps letting us feel victimised and allowing us to indulge in several bouts of self-pity without feeling loser-istic about it. and then unfortunately, someone else comes into the picture, presents another point of view, knocks you out of that self-pity mode, and you realise you're indeed being loser-istic.
sometimes i wish i can deflect opinions/comments like a reflecting board, but like greenhouse effect, there's only so much heat that i can fight, the rest is inevitably absorbed and it scorches.
take for example, walking on a tightrope on the 98th storey. it's not the fear of falling that impedes one's progress; but the fear of the fear of falling.
anyway i'm sick and tired of thinking. just do it man!
*yawns* onto the 2nd season of entourage.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Tuesday, October 09, 2007
grumbles
10 mins more to the end of this working day. dont say i'm slacking! it's just 10 mins! gonna give tuition to my student in yew tew. haiyo i'm really reluntant to go, highly tempted to call up one of my friends out for dinner, or go for drinks and just chill.
nonetheless, a GIRL has got to do what a GIRL has to do! my student has physics and chem papers for the next 2 days. so tada~ here i am the wonder teacher to her rescue, with all the solutions to her last min doubts hehe.
*grumble grumble* whinning seems second nature to me now. there's so much to be said, yet so few who would actually listen AND understand.
nonetheless, a GIRL has got to do what a GIRL has to do! my student has physics and chem papers for the next 2 days. so tada~ here i am the wonder teacher to her rescue, with all the solutions to her last min doubts hehe.
*grumble grumble* whinning seems second nature to me now. there's so much to be said, yet so few who would actually listen AND understand.
misunderstood
it sucks to be misunderstood. honestly, i'm not the devious sort of girl, i dont go behind and stab others in their backs. i mean, what do i even stand to gain from here? i admit, perhaps i havent been sensitive enough to your feelings; perhaps life has indeed been too good to me that i forgot i've left others behind, but that still doesnt make me a double-headed snake.
sigh, sometimes i really do wish i'm dealing with guys instead of girls. at least guys will just throw everything out instead of keeping it inside them until they explode.
it sucks to be misunderstood.
sigh, sometimes i really do wish i'm dealing with guys instead of girls. at least guys will just throw everything out instead of keeping it inside them until they explode.
it sucks to be misunderstood.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
the pain lingers
whenever i see something that reminds me of you
but who am i to complain
if it hurts for me
it must hurt for you a thousand times more
whenever i see something that reminds me of you
but who am i to complain
if it hurts for me
it must hurt for you a thousand times more
compartmentalisation helps to cordon off the emotions
but does the incapability to feel
makes me little more than a robot?
or should i allow myself to be a human
and feel for what this relationship is worth
this is what happens when i have too much time, i think too much, and then i blog too much
but does the incapability to feel
makes me little more than a robot?
or should i allow myself to be a human
and feel for what this relationship is worth
this is what happens when i have too much time, i think too much, and then i blog too much
random
and damn, now is the time to visit the states manz, with the US dollar falling. hehe..so terence, i owe you less money than i actually did a month ago. :p
trying to meet up with friends i havent met up for a while. met andre and marvin at bala than zouk on fri, zx yesterday, and probably some more next week if possible, but schedule looks set to be tight. work is okay. i havent learn enough for work to reach the stage that it could be stressful. i think it's time i buck up and stop relying on other people for my own progress. if i want to know something, i got to FIND the answers for myself. i absolutely loathe this sort of dependence and having to be babysit-ed. one day...i'll be at the giving end instead of the receiving end.
plagued with doubts, but who wouldnt be? perhaps it might be a little too soon for it, but i cant stop my mind from churning. like a marriage that a man would occasionally asked himself whether he married the right woman, you know you love her but you wonder whether life could have been better if you had married someone else.
trying to meet up with friends i havent met up for a while. met andre and marvin at bala than zouk on fri, zx yesterday, and probably some more next week if possible, but schedule looks set to be tight. work is okay. i havent learn enough for work to reach the stage that it could be stressful. i think it's time i buck up and stop relying on other people for my own progress. if i want to know something, i got to FIND the answers for myself. i absolutely loathe this sort of dependence and having to be babysit-ed. one day...i'll be at the giving end instead of the receiving end.
plagued with doubts, but who wouldnt be? perhaps it might be a little too soon for it, but i cant stop my mind from churning. like a marriage that a man would occasionally asked himself whether he married the right woman, you know you love her but you wonder whether life could have been better if you had married someone else.
how much is enough
was reading this article on the sunday times.
'wealth means different things to different people. to some, it is simply being financially secure, or living a rich and rewarding life. to others, it means having all the material trappings of success that the modern world offers, or being termed a billionaires simply because one has a billion dollars.
society is now wealthier than ever, providing an array of choices that were not available to earlier generations. the opportunities to lie an authentic life, on one's own terms, are unprecedented. yet the evidence is that, as society grows richer, people are not becoming any happier.'
and so i believe the saddest thing about life is not having NO money, but having TOO MUCH money but not knowing how to spend it. most people spend 2/3 of their lives trying to be rich. when the art of spending, the value of money is lost on you, then what other goal in life could you have?
a semi-cloudy sunday spent at home. think i got to tone down a little after my spending spree with zixuan yesterday. spent a BOMB haha. alrigggghty..i shall...
1. watch entourage today
2. read my book, freakonomics
3. try not to fall asleep.
'wealth means different things to different people. to some, it is simply being financially secure, or living a rich and rewarding life. to others, it means having all the material trappings of success that the modern world offers, or being termed a billionaires simply because one has a billion dollars.
society is now wealthier than ever, providing an array of choices that were not available to earlier generations. the opportunities to lie an authentic life, on one's own terms, are unprecedented. yet the evidence is that, as society grows richer, people are not becoming any happier.'
and so i believe the saddest thing about life is not having NO money, but having TOO MUCH money but not knowing how to spend it. most people spend 2/3 of their lives trying to be rich. when the art of spending, the value of money is lost on you, then what other goal in life could you have?
a semi-cloudy sunday spent at home. think i got to tone down a little after my spending spree with zixuan yesterday. spent a BOMB haha. alrigggghty..i shall...
1. watch entourage today
2. read my book, freakonomics
3. try not to fall asleep.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
i dun wanna be a murderer
'i have nothing left to give you.'
i shall walk away, before i suck you dry
or have i already did?
Unfaithful
by Rihanna
Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company
He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true
And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well
Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore
i shall walk away, before i suck you dry
or have i already did?
Unfaithful
by Rihanna
Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company
He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
But clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true
And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
I feel it in the air
As I'm doing my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hanging with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well
Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dying
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer
Our love, his trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)