loving you

perhaps i have indeed formed a shield over my heart. who can break through the protective shell? it's not that i have been hurt too many times; i have been hurt no more times than the layman on the street. but i've been through many relationships, and it has kind of numbified me. i've been hearing much about failed marriages, straying husbands and wives who are no longer interested. it is stripping away my faith, layer by layer..until eventually there's nothing left to give anymore.

i've built a dam in the recesses of my heart. a well controlled emotional dam, efficiently regulating the flow of love/hate that is allowed past it. i've met people whom i cant love, people whom i know are totally incompatible with my expectations of a life long partner, people whom are compatible but yet..i cannot bring myself to love or hurt.

or perhaps, i would like to think of course, that i havent met the right one. or simply put, it's not the right time. i simply cant sprint when the finishing line isnt in sight; but i fear i have been jogging so much that i have no stamina to sprint when i finally see the finishing line.

i fear i'm incapable of loving anymore.

viscous undercurrents beneath the seemingly peaceful reservoir