what's next?

If I quit the gym, what will I do next? What can I do next?

Go back to a 9am - 5pm office job? After enjoying flexi hours for the past 1.5 years, I do not think I can revert to such a routined and structured lifestyle. I want to wake up each morning and be able to toss around the bed with my little one. I want to be able to knock off at 4pm and come home early to spend the last hours of light with her. I want to be able to read her bedtime stories and tuck her in to bed every night. 

I want control of my time. Gone are the days whereby I'm contented to let a third party to dictate my hours.

A flexi part time jobs? Been randomly browsing for such jobs but they are all hourly paid or menial jobs that don't seem too brain stimulating. 

At the end of the day, I still come back to my one and only ideal option: to start my own thing.

What will I do? What can I do..?

The future holds countless opportunities. I must have hope. I must have courage. I must have faith. 

In need of some inspiration...

18 years ago

There's much hooha on the social media regarding the PSLE results release today. They're popping up in my Newsfeed. I'm guessing that is because somehow the Facebook logarithm shows that I'll be an interested party since I'm a parent.

Many parents are of course saying how anxious they are for their children, even though they feel they SHOULDN'T be feeling that way because they know that PSLE is no big deal and failure at an examination taken at 12 years old does not mean failure for life. 

So there are many stories going around about how crappy they/someone they know did in PSLE and still managed to succeed in life. And how those that did well in PSLE are those who are from upper income familes yadah yadah.

Well, can I just share something from the other end of the spectrum?

That's me. 

I came from an average income family. (I would say my family is of mid to upper income now but it wasn't the case 20 years ago. My parents spoke purely Mandarin at home, so when I entered primary school, I remembered failing every single English spelling or dictation. I just COULDN'T catch what the teachers were saying fast enough to pen it down. It was rather embarrassing because I ended up at the bottom of the class all the time. Oh did I mention I was from Nanyang Primary School? Yes, it's one of the most prestigious schools in Singapore. Parents will DIE to put their kids in this school. I managed to get in because my mum was an alumni of Nanyang Girls' High. My siblings went to NYPS as well.

Ok back to the story. My English sucked, but I was very kiasu/competitive in nature. I have no idea how I inherited this trait. Why was I the way I was? To digress again, let me cite another incident in my Kindergarten days. I remembered my teacher asking me to recite the date of the day to the class and I cried. Yeah, I cried. 4 year old me cried because my teacher asked me to tell the class what day it was. Why? 4 year old me didn't understand, but 30 year old me now understood. Especially now that I have my own children and I interact with children day in and day out.

Because. I. Lacked. Confidence.

I was afraid. 

I can't remember if it was because I didnt know how to, or because I was scared of speaking in front of the class.

But whatever it is, it all boils down to confidence. You have no idea how important that is. I can remember this all through my Sec Sch, JC, and maybe even University Days. I was so afraid of public speaking because I lacked the confidence. It was only when I started working, that I overcome this weakness of mine. 

Anyway back to the bad English story. I worked super hard in Primary Sch, Sec Sch and even JC (for GP), so my English improved tremendously. I didn't have much tuition. I was just super kiasu and studied very hard myself. I was like, self-motivated. Weirdo me. I did very well for my PSLE. I got into Raffles Girls' School. I did very well for my O levels, and yes, got into Raffles Junior College. Then I also did pretty well for A levels (despite the ugly B I got for Physics, but the rest were straight As). I wanted to go to Med school, as per 50% of the school population (the other 50% wanted to do law). I met my first stumbling block in my academic career. I contemplated going overseas, but my mum said no, because probably financially they couldn't afford it. I had no idea what I wanted to do, so I took to the most popular choice at the moment, Life Sciences at NUS. Of course I had no problem getting into the course. 

It was at University that I completely let loose. I gave up my academic goals. It occurred to me then, SO WHAT IF I DID FANTASTICALLY WELL ALL MY LIFE? I'm still here. What sets me apart from everyone else? Nothing. Maybe it was the age and the hormones at that time too. It's the age that people are trying to find themselves. 

My University grades were pathetic. Enough to get me through, but nothing to shout about. 

So what I'm trying to say is, so what if I did well in PSLE, O levels and A levels? Really. No big deal. I'm not any more successful. Because in the end, I gave up on myself. I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life.

Fast forward 8 years after University. Ok, to be honest, I cant say I'm doing too badly now. I'm definitely not one of the high fliers but I'm an entrepreneur. LOL. Entrepreneurs are in another category of our own, are we not? 

And now, being a mother of one (soon 2!), priorities have changed. Family comes before all else. Career and money take a backseat. 

What do I hope for my children? To be healthy and happy. Can't say I'm not kiasu. Gigi has been to a number of enrichment classes at 2 years old. But I'll never push her to do something she finds miserable. The point is to make her ENJOY what I want her to do. 

I'm saying this for now. I'll update again when she gets to the academic and competitive age. LOL.

First Day of School

My baby attended her first day of Playgroup today. Well, it wasn't as smooth sailing as I thought it would be. I did not bothered to prep her much for today because I thought she will do just fine since she has been attending My Gym since she was 6 months - that's more than half her life so far! :p

How wrong was I.

'Dumped'  her in the class with GB and went about to do my usual work. As much as I would like to tend to her whole-heartedly, it's tough when her school happened to be my work place. There's always one hundred and one things waiting to be done. It's like the moment I step into the gym, my focus change. 

She started crying and couldn't stop clinging on to GB the moment she was in the gym. She wasn't at ease, even though she has been to gym classes at this exact area for the past one year. GB stayed in class with her until 45 mins later, he sneaked out and thankfully she was fine. However the storm kicked in again at around 12pm when she spotted me outside the class. 

She cried, really loud and clung onto me. I looked into her eyes, and that was when I realised why she cried. She was tired, yes definitely she was. She normally falls asleep between 1130am - 12noon. But I saw one other thing - fear. Fear that we were gonna to leave her behind, and never coming back. The guilt crept upon me - she thinks that we are abandoning her. 

The separation anxiety for children at this age is common. In fact, I have faced with it almost every day of my work life and it's really nothing unusual for me. I often consoled the parents (usually mummies) of these sobbing children that with time, the child will be just fine. Today, I find myself having to swallow my own piece of advice.

Oh well, yes, my girl will be just fine.

She turns 18 months today. 

Happy 18 months my g love.

angry and frustrated

If you really know me, you should know I'm a very chill person. I'm seldom angry or vexed. It takes quite a fair bit to get me fired up. 

But this time I am. I really am. 

The fact that I can still writing about it a DAY after the event (that's quite long for me), means it's really affecting me. 

I cannot stand the fact that I'm not being treated with respect. Respect - something I feel everyone deserves. It's like a basic human right. Like the air that we breathe. 

I need to remember this anger. I need to be firm, so that I can channel this energy when I want to make my stand.

No more walking over.

No more taking my easygoing nature for granted. 

A Mummy's Blog?

This is rather random I know.

There are many mummies out there who blog about their (new and transformed) lives as a mother. They post about activities they do with their kids, food they cook for them, schools they wish to enrol their children into, SAHM vs WAHM vs FTWM blah blah, and every thing under the sun related to their children that you can think up.

I'm tempted to do the same. It's nice to share knowledge, experiences, opinions and thoughts. It will also be nice to chronicle Gigi's life so she can refer to this when she is older...

But the time required! Wouldn't I rather spend this time playing with her? 

We shall see how it goes. 

But since I am in the mood now, I shall blog about whatever that comes to my mind.

Love

Gisele Claire Batchelor is now 14.5 months. She is a healthy and active baby. She is surrounded by many people who love her, and for this, I'm most grateful that I'm able to provide such an environment for her to grow up in. 

I often ask myself - is it enough? Is it enough that she grows up with an abundance of love? Would that be more important than any enrichment classes or fanciful toys that we can get for her? 

Shichida and flash cards

I am not the most hardworking of mothers; I was full of zest when she was younger and often did flash cards with her, but I'm ashamed to say that these boxes of cards are now collecting dust in the cupboards. We started Shichida classes with her at the age of 7 months. Yes, we were really kiasu parents. On hindsight, I personally feel that it is too early to start such classes at 7 months, mainly because at that age, babies sleep a lot and they are unable to stay awake for long period of time. True that the class is only 1hr15mins, but even that feels too long for Gisele. She tended to get cranky towards the end of the lessons. Additionally, many activities require a certain amount of fine motor skills, which is just impossible to execute at such a tender age. 

I should have waited. I thought the earlier she started, the better it is for her. Something like a headstart. But no, it really does feel like wasted money.

We have already signed up for a second term. I have postponed it for 2 terms and am restarting it again this Apr, when she is 15 months. Let's see how it goes.

Gym fun

Gisele also started classes at My Gym at 6 months. I give credit to the gym for making her the way she is today - alert, happy, active and sociable. She isn't scared of strangers, although there are a few occasional times when we brought her out for huge gatherings and she tended to cling on to us at the beginning. She did warm up after a while though.

She always seemed to be happy at the gym, and that itself is more than enough reason to bring her back. I intend to enrol her into our Playgroup program in July, when she is 19 months and drops her morning nap. Currently, she still sleeps from around 11am to 12pm and a second nap at 3/4pm - 5pm.

22 Jun - Gigi at 6 months, a few weeks into Tiny Tykes class

9 Sep - Loving it!

To be continued, when I find the time and inspiration to pen down my thoughts again.

For now, it's time to head home and see my darling G!