boredom

this post, is to relieve my boredom. i'm cooped up within these four walls. files and notes are spread over my bed, there is silence except for the occasional distracting sounds of screeching tires..oh wait..someone, somewhere is blowing the HORN..and there is a mum screaming at her little kid.. not that silent after all.

my itunes is playing the scientist, by coldplay. it's on shuffle.

msn off, no one to interrupt my peace.

i'm supposed to be studying, but my concentration span is short lived.

i'm lying on my bed, laptop on my lap. just stifled a yawn.

i'm still terribly perplexed by the strange calls i've received a while ago. what exactly do you want? what is your motive? do you really think i wouldnt know? who are you?

i've developed this obsession with pictures. i used to think i'm probably just obsessed with myself, but no, i like to look at the photos taken of others by others as well. that reminds me, i must get myself a decent digital camera after my exams end, then i'll give a shot at being a photographer too. ha ha ha..let the roles reverse.

went for mc rehearsal last night. we learnt two dances. very simple ones, only 8 counts of 8 for each. i dont have much flair for dancing..i just hope i can master them well enough to put on a reasonably watchable performance.

i look horribly cheena-fied, dont i? haha..

two more papers to go. pharmacology and biotechnology. i remember cant remember all the drugs' names. sigh.

46 hours to absolute freedom? ah, now that is a welcoming thought.

these photos were taken in paris by a singaporean photog called kelvin. lovely arent they... sheesh, i hope i wont get sued for copyright. but all i want is to share these photos with you...enjoy!

these photos would look incomplete if they were just featuring one person, or two people who arent in love.
they make me want to get married too, in paris.

phonies

to hell with phonies

again the issue of being 'over friendly' and 'too approachable' was brought up today. it has given rise to shitloads of nonsense i have had to endure from people. phonies seem to be everywhere these days; i dont know who i can believe anymore. in truth, i know, i've only got myself to blame. my naviety and my stupidity, to be so easily taken in by people, to have such an acute lack of senseeeeee. oh my god..where did my brain juices go to? certainly not to my studies...

it's okay. i'm back on earth now, and i'm determined to stay on earth.

today was boring. spent the morning and early afternoon studying. since i'm safely on earth now, studying was much more productive for the first half of the day, thankfully. went for cheongsam fittings at marine parade (that was freaking far!). tried on 2 of them..it was crap. the first one was soooooooo loose, the 2nd one was alright, but was far from flattering as well. the woman said we cant change the sizes of the cheongsams, not matter how ill fitting they are, cos..they have no other sizes left. basically, what she gives us is what we HAVE to wear. then what is the point of fitting?? waste my time..could have used it on something more constructive..

went off for the second fitting at tanjong pagar. selection of a gown..i always have this idea that the gown is one of the important factor that determine whether you win or lose. it's usually the last piece of clothing that we have to wear, and usually for Q&A as well. i tried on 4..and after much deliberation, settled on a pink tube gown. i looked sweet in it, ahh which is not exactly the effect i want. i want to look sophisticated. pretty even..but not...sweet?? but it's decent, so i guess that's good enough.

and yes, i still have two papers tmr. you may wonder how come i still have time to do so many things, and still blog now..haha..plain laziness is the answer..

ooh yeah..you can catch me here..haha..dearie pls dun be angry when you read it ya..i was just being cheeky haha. --> http://motoring.asiaone.com.sg/motorworld/20061123_004.html

random

the randoms

sometimes i really hate myself for thinking so much, and so lowly of people around me. I was told that you cant trust anyone; you just never know who will turn their backs on you. So in the name of self defense, i raise my guard. i resist being lured into an intimate relationship with people. however when i finally realised they are actually so selfless, i'm ashamed. ashamed of all the pricks on the hedgehog.

sigh, still..one can never be too careful.

***

it's not working. i was at home the whole of today, except a short trip to westmall in the morning to run an errand. other than that, i was supposed to be studying. except again, i fell asleep sometime during the afternoon, i spent a quarter of the day stoning, a second quarter watching tv and surfing the net, and the third quarter bathing and eating. fabulous. my eyes may be on my notes, but nothing is getting in. NOTHING is getting in!!! urggh.

***

the wait is getting excruciatingly painful. despite my most desperate attempts to stop myself from drifting too much from reality, it's really not working. i CANT stop thinking about it. my thoughts fluctuate from euphoria to disppointment, a result from vivid imagination of the best and extreme pessimism.

i'm suffering from schizophrenia.

delusional

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

one down

attended ting's 21st bday party last night at laguna country club. it was lovely! she booked the entire vineyard. the food was yummy and the decor was pretty. :) i forgot i still had a paper today..


through the glass


me enjoying the fine food

today's paper was supposedly very disastrous, quoting most of the 'zai' people around me. i feel no emotion though. it was an mcq paper. 40 + 30 x 5 true/false questions. i finished it in 1h 10mins, almost falling asleep cos it was so boring, and i spent the rest of my time stoning. literally stoning and letting my mind drift...

ahh cant be bothered.

sigh.

it is so near, it's almost within my grasp..and then..the wind blows..blowing it away..life returns back to normal, as if nothing has ever happened before.

1 down, 4 more to go.

25th: microbiology - 9am + jap - 5pm
1st dec: pharmocology - 2.30pm
2nd dec: biotechnology - 1pm

earth to yiming earth to yiming!!!! get back to earth pleasee!!

oh no, i really dont want to think so much. what if it all boils down to nothing?

confidence, oh confidence..i must have confidence in myself..

my value

just want to add some thoughts, early in the morning before i start off my day. even though it's already 9.45am now..haha i dont think that's considered early for some of us.

believe it or not, i've long become immune to derogatory comments made about me. my policy is, which i believe i've reinstated on my blog several times in the course of time that i actually have a blog, if i have to care about what the whole world thinks about me, i'm gonna lead a very sad life. but i do care about what my closest friends think....

no one really cares about anyone. everyone is self centred, and we really only care about ourselves. when people come to my blog and call me a slut whatsoever, i wonder what they really want to achieve. you wanna put me down? you wanna ruin my reputation? it makes you feel better? you have nothing better to do, and you're looking for some sort of amusement and entertainment? whatever. i'm not sad, you are.

[to passerby: no, you dont fall into that category, your comment is perfectly acceptable.]

people who badmouth or backstab one another, are those who are truly insecure about themselves.

and also, i believe that self esteem and confidence is something that you have to have in yourself; you determine your self worth. it's not measured by how much compliments given by others or how many trophies you have won. if you believe in yourself, then it's pretty difficult to let anything get you down. but it's tough..we are humans after all..we get affected by others' opinions of us. it helps get me through failures and rejections sometimes though. "i didnt get the job, but it doesnt mean that i'm lousy. probably i'm just not lucky this time round, or there is someone who is more compatible with the job than me." haha what a consolation...

alrighty i gonna go school. see ya folks.

ladido..

ah. was it just a coincidence that two of my closest friends talked to me about the same thing on the same day.. i'm fine peeps, really..i'm sorry for the depressing posts recently. everyone lapse into that state every once in a while.

i know what i'm doing..i pride myself on being able to think, well, most of the time at least..when i'm not thinking, i think i'm blessed with friends who are concerned enough to tell me to 'wake up my idea'.

so all is great. today was spent studying with dearie in hall. my first paper is on sat, i'm not done with studying, but i feel no sense of urgency at all, haha. is that normal?

was at timbre last night chilling out with andre. i think it's one of the nicest feeling in the world, to be sipping my cosmopolitan with my guy bestie, listening to romantic, sentimental songs that the band was playing. the malay singer actually sang first love!! he got all the jap lyrics right..it was good..i was impressed haha. but then again, maybe it was just me, i'm a sucker for romance.

lallaa..this post is rather meaningless..i know..

i suddenly felt very miserable just now. there is so much on mind every other day; there seem to be so many things that i have to deal with, so many people that i've gotten myself 'involved with'..so much so that i hardly seem to have enough time with myself.

perhaps i'm just trying too hard to please everyone. i'm trying to give a piece to everyone, and in the end, everyone ends up getting nothing. i should stop bothering so much. i should just take care of the people that really matter to me.

make life easier and simplier for myself. but it's probably never going to happen, cos i am complicated. it's just me.

there are loads of lonely people in the world. it's so sad. but like so many things in life, there is only one word i can use to describe how i feel: resignation.


just to add some colour to this very grey post, this is a pic taken by alvin! he laid some flashes behind the wheel to get the blue/red effect. cool eh.

the end

and so the motorshow has finally drawn to an end. back to books for me. first paper this sat!! i'm so not prepared for it at all. though it was tiring, the motorshow has been a great exposure for me. i've met soooo many people over the 8 days that i've worked. friends that i've yet to see for years, people from nus, a mediacorp producer, event organisers, insurance agents, bf's friends who recognised me from my blog (haha wonder if you guys will be reading this...:p), my cousins, and lots n lots n lots of photographers.

someone actually wanted my autograph on my photo. i was like..."HHAHAA..what the hell.."..in my heart of course. must act professional, like it's an everyday affair. HA ha.

i'm just glad i can finally stop smiling, and have a good rest.


this pic is pretty interesting isnt it! he was actually taking a mirror reflection of me and himself. :)

dec is coming..i wont be travelling, to anywhere far far away at least..does anyone has jobs to offer?

back to the meeting people part. i'm meeting a lot of people these days. it's amazing. is my guardian angel scattering some kind of luck powder over me or something? i'm not sure whether it's a blessing...but still...i must be lucky. i'm thinking, thinking..and thinking these days. perhaps even too much for my own good.

there is a dark side to everything, just that we might not know, cos we arent in it. everything comes with a price.........

what do i really want in life? sigh. the eternally unanswerable question.

sorry to all friends whom i havent really been talking to recently..busy yea..and night time is usually peak hour when i get bombarded by zillions of msn msgs. it doesnt help that my lappie is one of the weakest of its time; she cant cope with too many windows simultaneously.

working today. 1-9pm, again.

anyway i've uploaded some of my albums only my multiply website, yimingg.multiply.com...can go take a look if you're bored! :)

and just to make myself feel better, i'll start studying after the motorshow ends, which is..next mon.

i want to move on..i know i have to move on, but how does one move on when you cant see any road ahead of you?

mind boggling.

i'm afraid to aim, because i'm afraid i would fall, hard.

dont put too much thoughts in my mind, dont make me think.

sigh.

exclusivity.

"i hate to think that if it wasnt me sitting on the car, it would just be some other pretty girl." it doesnt matter which one.. you're just ONE of them, which is..a sickening thought really.

another long day of work awaits me.

me in she-devil outfit! so cute right..the horns and the tail..was working at maxim's 2nd yr anniversary held at dragonfly about a week plus ago.

so many things to be done, so little time, so little resolve.

am i heading for doom?

tired, falling asleep on the bed, with my lappie.

good night, world.

my fairlady

and so the motorshow continues. as more and more crowds are coming in, the job gets more and more tiresome. it's one thing to pose and smile for one camera, it's another thing to hold your smile for 10 mins. i actually smiled till my head hurt and my jaw ached! i'm sure i'm gonna look pretty awful in some of the pics that people took cos my smile is often disfigured if i have to hold it for a long period of time. nonetheless, the good thing about crowds is that time passes much faster that way.

met several photogs whom i know, random friends from over all over the place...


it's the march behind me, though it's quite impossible to tell from the pic...




if only i was the real owner of this car..my fairlady!

tired.

thee motorshow

me posing with the murano. first day of the motorshow is over. a boring start to a highly anticipated event. not many people because it was press day and the exhibition isnt open to the public yet. i swear standing around and acting 'vase' is one of the most boh liao and brainless job in the world. smile smile smile..that was all i did the whole day. looking all glam and pretty isnt fun at all haha...there are blisters on my last toes now. damn it hurts! every step taken in that wretched pair of boots spells agony!

i met quite a few people whom i know..the most stunning one were my cousins!! never expected to see them..

anyway 1 down, 8 more days for me to go. it's another 8 hours of looking pretty tmr. but this time i think it's gonna be a lot more crowded.

lots of mc shoots, events and rehearsals coming up in the next week or so, right smack in the middle of my exams. what luck...sigh.

what a day

havent really blogged for a while..in some kind of crisis recently. it's getting tougher and tougher trying to drag myself to classes in the morning, hence explaining why i havent been to school for the past 2 days. haha..not exactly sitting around, wasting my time away, though i must admit there were times when i've been gulity of that. i've had stuff to do...

miss chinatown semi finals was held 5 hours ago. i really must thank a few people..firstly my dearest bf who came to support me, and my project angel friends, debs, hazel, keng moh and sylvia, who totally took me by surprise when i came out and heard cheers from this bunch of crazy people at the dark end of the room! it was a real pleasant surprise...and i'm touched. really i am, for they bothered to find out which day it was and bought tics...thanks guys..! :)

i'm glad i didnt disappoint u guys. :) into the finals i go.


mc 33 siqi and mc 34 mee..she should have gotten in too..

the whole affair was over in a split second, or so it seemed to me. walked out, smile, pose, go back in, change to the next outfit, and repeat the cycle.


pic is a little blur but that's me, walking down the runway in the red bikini.


being taken in cheongsam


the six finalists from my group..there will be 20 altogether. it's just fate that i'm the only one wearing blue cheongsam while all the rest were wearing black.

and now..i'm exhausted.

working tmr from 10-6. *yawns*

my studies are going down the drain. for the first time in my life, i'm not sure how i'm going to cope with it......

the lights go off
the curtains fall
the mascara removed
and i'm back to me

dont you ever question yourself whether it's a good thing when you have more of something? it seems that no matter what you have, it brings problems, only of another sort. when you have to hand wash your clothes, you complain it's tiring, slow and time consuming. when you have the washing machine, you complain it damages your clothes.

i may not be the richest, the smartest, the luckiest person around..but i'm definitely blessed..i'm blessed with people who cares for me. :)

"it's not always a good thing to be friendly...", or so that guy said. indeed, i'm definitely not the shrewdest person around; i even admit i can be pretty naive at times, but i still pride myself on being able to read people quite well, to a certain extent. or so i thought. perhaps just sometimes, i got to remind myself that the message i think i am conveying doesnt coincide with what the receipent is getting. friendliness can be mistaken.

i like to judge my performance, and give myself a grade. this is my self appraisal. they say practice makes perfect. really? somehow i feel that my performances fluctuate, and today wasnt one of those good days.

sigh.

my schedule

nov
3rd: working at st james
4th: shoot at clarke quay
5th: mc rehearsal
6th: nissan rehearsal + sis's bday + casting
7th: ----
8th: mc
9-12th: motorshow
13th: jap report to hand up + class 7pm
14: motorshow
15th: jap oral exam
16th: motorshow
17th: 3212 ca3 to hand up
18 & 19th: motorshow
20-24th: studying timeeee!!!!
25th: 3212 paper
28th: morning - 3232 paper, afternoon - jap paper

dec
1st: 3211 paper
2nd: 3244 paper

sometimes i think it's better if i dont know the photographer at all..it's harder to pretend when someone has already gotten a glimpse of who you really are underneath.

to a sweet november

it's the first day of november. i feel obliged to write an entry. i've got many things to blog about actually, cos i've been doings lots these days and i do have a lot of undocumented thoughts in my head. but somehow i'm just lacking of inspiration..i've started on 2 entries before this and deleted them both after the first paragraph cos they sounded so forced. i'm just gonna type whatever that comes to my mind now...

it's gonna be a busier month ahead, with the motorshow starting next thurs, and exams. EXAMS. i wonder how i'm going to cope with it..i totally lack the mood to study.

ahhh to be continued...haha..loss of mood to write. sigh this post is so crappy.