sometimes i really hate myself for thinking so much, and so lowly of people around me. I was told that you cant trust anyone; you just never know who will turn their backs on you. So in the name of self defense, i raise my guard. i resist being lured into an intimate relationship with people. however when i finally realised they are actually so selfless, i'm ashamed. ashamed of all the pricks on the hedgehog.
sigh, still..one can never be too careful.
***
it's not working. i was at home the whole of today, except a short trip to westmall in the morning to run an errand. other than that, i was supposed to be studying. except again, i fell asleep sometime during the afternoon, i spent a quarter of the day stoning, a second quarter watching tv and surfing the net, and the third quarter bathing and eating. fabulous. my eyes may be on my notes, but nothing is getting in. NOTHING is getting in!!! urggh.
***
the wait is getting excruciatingly painful. despite my most desperate attempts to stop myself from drifting too much from reality, it's really not working. i CANT stop thinking about it. my thoughts fluctuate from euphoria to disppointment, a result from vivid imagination of the best and extreme pessimism.
i'm suffering from schizophrenia.
delusional
delusional
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