life these days

It's sat evening. A rainy afternoon. life has been pretty hectic with all the partying and working the previous days, hence explaining the lack of entries. so it was zouk on wed, which i have successfully managed to piss certain people off yet again. it was unintentional though, i must claim innocence over my insensitivity... followed by an awful thurs morning spent rolling around my bed, suffering from a spliting headache. thurs night: had my bikini catwalking session at carnaval, this cosy pub at chijmes. what can i say..sometimes it's just tough to draw a line between professionlism and maintaining your dignity. situations occur, you can only play by ear and cope with it the best you can. you only have yourself...

after work i made my first trip to bar none, a club at marriot hotel. this place is ruled by spgs and caucasians. felt slightly out of place with the norm crowd but yea, i'm beginning to feel that life is all about acting and blending in. there was a live band playing and they were fantastic. it was fun. not really the sort of fun you get when you hang out with close friends...a different kind..in the risk of sounding pretendious, i just felt i was under some sort of a facade the whole time.. like i'm not really me, i'm just pretending to be someone else. never mind, it's complicated.

and friday..to the birthday boy, be happy always! :)

and today, came back from a morning shoot at east coast. it went well, i hope. i was totally shacked out after that. came home, had lunch and before i know it, i concussed on the sofa.

the vacation is ending soon. it's time for me to get back to earth, and remember that i'm a student!

free living spirit

the past 2 days have been pretty interesting. i got to know this director from a production house through an event that i'll be doing on thurs. apparently he has a lot of assignments that required extras. so mon, i went down with terence and we acted as extras for an office scene in a deevapali special. hehe..which means it's gonna be shown on vasantham channel!!! wahhahha..still it was pretty interesting lar..and tues, we formed the background of a lobby scene, just office people walking around. a plain, ordinary, 10 secs shoot takes a bloody long timeee....the actual on air time just doesnt justify the time spent shooting..

ck, i'm sorry for the longggg loonnnnggg wait yesterday.......

went to timbre to watch arvin play last night. he is gonna leave for bristol this sat...sigh, it just serves to remind me that everyone is leaving me one by one.... by the end of jan next yr, i'll only have a handful of friends with me. :(..

i've been spending like nobody's business these days. just went through my bank transactions for the past 2 weeks and it was hORRendous. the quit shopping vow obviously didnt hold..

ahh..just to clear up all misunderstandings, i only meant that i would be damn sad if it was you, but i didnt actually think it was you...sigh..i'm sorry...i'm just making a mess out of all these, aint i.. :~(

slut-head

i dont really care if you think i'm a slut..so long as you're not one of my close friends, and you're not YOU. if you're YOU, i'm gonna be really sad.....

i've mixed feelings about how you're treating me. happy for you because finally you've managed to get rid of the leech. you can finally be the you that you love so much..and the happy you... sad beause..whatever it is, i still care for you, and i dont wanna see you go.....

but the decision is yours.

remember how similar we are? we're so similar that it's amusing to ourselves.. i understand.. just like i think you would understand..

so i've just returned from my morning photo shoot at sentosa, the 3rd one in the past month. i'm tired and burnt. colin even mentioned that he wont let me do any more bikini shoot already! cos the nissan people like their models nice and fair. what the...i'm pretty satisfied with today's shoot. i felt i've improved, but i'll only really know when i get my result slip, that is when i get to see the photos for myself.

events coming up..i'm a happy person, so long as i dont let my mind stray.

my greatest love

cambodia remains the greatest love of my life. :)

met up with the pa7 gang tonight at sentosa, siloso beach, after a long day spent travelling around singapore. the sounds of the sea and the sights of the night lights were pleasantly soothing to the soul, especially after a rough week. it was good seeing everyone again, crazy debbie dancing around like some mad woman; km the stray 'dog', who managed to enlighten me a little with his words of wisdom; fengyi, the organiser who meticulously planned the outing down to every single detail, just so to make sure nothing went wrong; liangguo the guy on drugs; hazel, the big mom; yongyao, the caretaker (dont ask me why i say this! i'm just typing whatever that comes to my mind first haha); qiming our beloved photographer, capturing the happiest moments of our lives...and me!!

so lanterns, candles, sparkles, pseudo 'shooting stars', sparking juice, yummy white chocolate cake accompanied us tonight..and the reminiscence of the lovely memories in cambodia..


to the kids i miss..

just look out of the window. the sky is blue, the grass is green, the sun is shining, every window exists a story of his own... the day is peaceful, tranquil..just an ordinary day.

i woke up this morning, sitting on my bed, just staring. staring into the blank space, staring into nothing in particular. my mind is a blank. something is wrong. i cant laid a finger on it, but something is very wrong.

i went about my morning routine as usual. i brushed my teeth, drank my usual cup of coffee, went online to check my mail. i bathed, and put on my best clothes, ready to go out.

just an ordinary morning.

just what have i done? i pushed my head back, willing the tears not to fall. who am i to cry? what right do i have to cry? troy fell because of helen. one woman. one girl...the core of all troubles, the reason for heartaches, the choice...i cant take it anymore. i dont want to think about it anymore, but everyone is forcing me, everyone is telling me that i have to. i KNOW i have to...

i want the old me. the me when life was just plain and simple and straightforward. the me whom i know, with principles, with beliefs, with ideals. the happy me...

did a short product launch for epson last night. the event was held at the jewel box at mt faber. a lovely place with breathaking views! i wouldnt mind if my wedding was held there manz. haha..below is a photo of all the models. :)



i'm finally done with my tests for this week..jap was fine, pharmacology was disastrous. it was bad, bad and BAD. i studied, though admittedly, it was with minimal efforts... sigh! one more lab report due this week..

let's run away

was just talking to leslie..it was a really short conversation that lasted for probably less than 10 mins. it seemed like the guys from my batch, the freshies, are experiencing what i did 2 years ago. embracing school and hall life, playing hard, skipping lectures, late nights, suppers, clubbing...... suddenly, i feel old. i feel...tired. perhaps everything is just taking a toll on me...

let's run away, to somewhere far far away, where no one knows me, and i know no one.

what is with the jadeness manz..what the hell, i'm only 21. hah.

today was a long long day for me. school was supposed to start at 9am, but once again i've decided that sleeping is far higher up my priority than my jap tutorial haha. skipped the 3rd jap tutorial for this sem! so classes officially started from 10am and ended at 6pm. phew. no lunch for me today.

went for nissan fittings after that. took an hour to get there by car from school! i was so pissed off by the traffic cos it was literally crawling. anyway i'm glad to find out that our uniforms are pretty nice! thank god manz....

2 tests coming up next week. it's really time i get down to some serious studying. but sigh..it's just so difficult. i'm simply not interested. i can study..i know i can, if i just bother to get down to it...but the absence of motivation just makes it all the more harder....

lost

a few photos from my recent photo shoot at sentosa again..





i dont know what has gotten into me.....

i'm losing it, i dont know who i am anymore.

i'm sorry, sorry and sorry.

life is screwed up.

my inspiration

just sometimes...when things dont go according to the way i wish they could have, i feel this teeny weeny bit discouraged.. am i really that lousy??? although i'm really referring to two very different issues, i am still able to relate totoday's session.. it reminded me that everyone falls down once in a while..no one has it all easy..just that most of the time we cant tell by just merely threading on the surface. at some point, everyone will meet with difficulties, obstacles..feel demoralised, and just wanna give up.... but a winner is one who picks himself up during tough times!

haha, positive is the way to go.

it's easier to work together with people who are striving towards a common goal.

if you had to choose between an orange and an apple, which would it be? an apple which you've made a commitment to, or an orange which you love and enjoy. it's a matter of prioritising.....

ok i've officially packed my week to the brim. almost, except for thurs, which i've tried my best to keep it as activities-free as possible, just so that i have at least one day to retain my sanity.

did another shoot on sunday at sentosa. sigh. saw some of the pics and they really didnt turn out the way i wish they had. sigh, a little disappointed with myself.

hey bestie, do cheer up. i'm sorry i cant be there for you all the time..but you know i care..SMILE AND BE HAPPY!!! your prince charming is still out there waiting for you...

and so, yawns. i shall end the day soon.

thoughts

i'm feeling extremely sleepy. *yawns* the lack of sleep these days isnt doing me any good. today is one of the rare days which i'm actually online when the sun is up. :) i wanna sleep..

"what is to be expected from the pursuit of happiness when we find the state of life to be such that happiness itself is the cause of misery?

why should we endeavor to attain that of which the posession cannot be secured?"

true eh.

believe it or not, i lost one of my heels that i was wearing in zouk last night. the strap came off midway while i was dancing, and so i took off the entire heel and laid it between my feet. some time later when i was prepared to go home, the heel was nowhere to be found.

sigh.

my senior once said
aim for the coconut tree, and if you fall, you land on the hard ground...
but if you aim for the sky, and you fall, you'll land on the coconut tree.....

it kind of takes courage to aim for the sky too.

once bitten, twice not shy

all was fine today, until a couple of hours ago. i had the shittiest night. sigh. i left my wallet on the bus, again!!! for the 2nd time in..what..a month?? i realised i left it there the moment i got off bus 14 and started searching around my bag for it. but you know what..my guardian angel has certainly been working hard manz. dearie fetched me to clementi interchange and i managed to retrieve my wallet there!! miraculously, the bus went through orchard, holland road, clementi and no one took it!

whee..am i lucky or wat..

i'm tired..i went hungry for quite a while before i ate dinner an hour ago. i'm sorry i screamed at you. it was just a shitty night.

i dont deny that i've been too caught up with my life recently. i'm always either too busy, or too tired. but you got to admit that your life seemed to revolve around your friends these days.. sometimes i really do wonder..is it my negligence..or do you prefer them to me..

yet another 7up bite weekend! believe it or not, my right hand is now impaired..from opening too many cans.


me and lenny in the hideous afro hair that we were made to wear..ugly it may be, but it certainly did the marketing trick. we attracted a whole lot of attention. we got several, "nice hair!" comments. haha..


alvin and 7up bites!


the mat and the two dwarves


me with little boy!

it's sch again tmr. sigh!

girl,
be strong.
time will heal all wounds.
believe...
i'll be here for you.

life works in a strange way.
i'm not someone who fuss over petty affairs,
to make a mountain out of a molehill.
i geniunely believe that i'm not...
more often than not, i'm able to take things in stride
to smile at the world despite the grey and dreary
life has much more shit for us to handle..
i know, i know.

but how is it wrong to care
to feel anxious over something you deem as important.
to be told it's wrong to feel..
to have one's feelings disregarded....
i simply dont understand
you've got it all wrong.

hold on to what you believe in..
and you'll be able to accomplish everything you want to..
so long as you believe...

watched the devil wears prada today. it's totally my kind of show haha. talk abt looking chic... stilettos, bags, coats, assessories, cosmetics..i know i sound shallow..but still..give the girl a break haha. it's just like guys going googoo and gaga over cars.

'we're spared the "perfect ending" and left with a heroine who can truly stand on her own two feet, and in any shoes she might desire.'

cool.