Feeling kind of sleepy now..slept at 3 plus last night. Spent the night 'studying' with 2 of the D block guys. D block is where I stay in the hostel. They are really crappy, actually managed to had so much fun just by playing with my hair band and hippo key chain. Law students... We spent most of the time just talking nonsense. Oh well, it was expected...
Slack day for me, I only have one lecture at 4pm, but I woke up at 8 this morning because I'm the biological alarm clock for some of my hall friends. I don't need an alarm clock to wake me up, it's like the night before I can program myself to wake up at a certain time the next morning. It always works.
Going to have a long long pageant training tonight again.. Have I mentioned before I can't wait for the dinner and dance to end? But then again, I gonna miss hanging around with my pageant friends during trainings.. True enough we are still going to see each other frequently during lectures since most of us are in life science, but..it's not gonna be the same.. All good things must come to an end.. Ok I'm contradicting myself again, didn't I just said I can't wait for this to end...
Should I go gym later? I have yet to get a feel of the NUS gym. Heard from a friend it isn't all that great.. Hmm I guess I should even though my eyes are going to slam shut anytime.. Should start exercising again to keep fit.. Lalla.. :)
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Deprived
I think I'm deprived. I keep doing things that continues to baffle myself. They make me question what kind of person I really am, and what do I really want.. How do other people see me.. How do I see myself.. That's the problem, I don't know how to see myself..
Spending a lazy day at home this Sunday. Nothing eventful. Attempting to complete this labn report but to no avail. I have 3 other simliar reports to use for 'reference'. I am not having difficulties completing the assignment because I am not even doing them. I am having trouble trying to paraphrase what they wrote so I can make them my own answers. I'm so lazy.
I am having a financial crisis now. Finally decided to stop most of my tuition because..ok I'm sorry I have to use that word again but I'm lazy. Haha. I just want to stay at home and laze around during weekends.. I'm officially broke. I'm using the money meant to pay for my hostel on shopping. Heck, money is meant to be spent. Why wait why wait why wait.. I won't go to the extreme.
Do you understand what I'm talking about? Sometimes I try reading my own blog and realise I don't know what I'm talking about. I seem to be repeating myself a lot. OK i'm not thinking, I'm just writing whatever that comes to my mind instantly.
Oh no what's wrong. Sigh.
Spending a lazy day at home this Sunday. Nothing eventful. Attempting to complete this labn report but to no avail. I have 3 other simliar reports to use for 'reference'. I am not having difficulties completing the assignment because I am not even doing them. I am having trouble trying to paraphrase what they wrote so I can make them my own answers. I'm so lazy.
I am having a financial crisis now. Finally decided to stop most of my tuition because..ok I'm sorry I have to use that word again but I'm lazy. Haha. I just want to stay at home and laze around during weekends.. I'm officially broke. I'm using the money meant to pay for my hostel on shopping. Heck, money is meant to be spent. Why wait why wait why wait.. I won't go to the extreme.
Do you understand what I'm talking about? Sometimes I try reading my own blog and realise I don't know what I'm talking about. I seem to be repeating myself a lot. OK i'm not thinking, I'm just writing whatever that comes to my mind instantly.
Oh no what's wrong. Sigh.
Friday, August 27, 2004
Another day
It's just another day. Went for NUS sports bash last night at Chinablack. I like the music. Nice. Hmm it was alright I guess.. I really can't judge how fun a party can be anymore, after being to so many already..it's like to me..parties are just..."like that lor...". How different can they get...
Skipped econs lecture in the morning. I did managed to wake up but decided to go back to sleep cos I didn't want to be too tired for my lab session in the afternoon. Oh yes I had a 3 hours plus practical. At least it was air conditioned. It was a pretty dumb experiment. Tedious and totally pointless. I hate doing stuff for the sake of doing them.
Reflecting on my uni life up till this point of time.. The conclusion is: I haven't done that bad a job. I know quite a bit of people in hall, although only a few are my really close friends, it's enough. Haven't made any enemies at least..(I think). School work has been fine so far. I admit I've been rather slack, but I really don't feel any stress. What else.. I don't know.. Haiya...
Skipped econs lecture in the morning. I did managed to wake up but decided to go back to sleep cos I didn't want to be too tired for my lab session in the afternoon. Oh yes I had a 3 hours plus practical. At least it was air conditioned. It was a pretty dumb experiment. Tedious and totally pointless. I hate doing stuff for the sake of doing them.
Reflecting on my uni life up till this point of time.. The conclusion is: I haven't done that bad a job. I know quite a bit of people in hall, although only a few are my really close friends, it's enough. Haven't made any enemies at least..(I think). School work has been fine so far. I admit I've been rather slack, but I really don't feel any stress. What else.. I don't know.. Haiya...
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Idle or not
It's very funny, when I'm bored I wish life could be exciting, full of activities for to me to take part in. I like to be mobile, moving around, doing things, not just idling around. But sometimes when I achieved that, I suddenly feel that it's very tiring to have to keep up with all the bustle around me. Then I feel like stopping, and just let everything race past me, not giving a damn about things. You know, just letting things go... Don' t think so much, don't get affected so much, no worries.. And then a while later, the boredom sets in..
Suffering a little blow with my self esteem.. Lousy mood..
Suffering a little blow with my self esteem.. Lousy mood..
Monday, August 23, 2004
Schoolwork
Reading econs textbook now..struggling to understand what the lecturer has been talking about during the previous lectures. I feel really tired recently, even if I tried to get at least 8 hours the night before, I still feel as in there is a hole inside me, draining my energy away bit by bit during the day. Just can't seem to be able to lift up my spirits. Must be all the late nights...staying in hostel makes one unhealthy.
No pageant training today. Science bash was last Saturday. It was boring, don't feel the urge to further elaborate. This is the first time I'm mentioning the pageant.. Funny it is..because it has been a huge part of my life for the recent months. All the training into wee hours of the morning, the aching feet, the scoldings, the friendships formed..
Anyway as I was saying, no training today, finally have a time to enjoy a night in my own room. I just want to stay here, with my radio on, and enjoy a moment of peace, all by myself..
Went wakeboarding yesterday. It was fun, a great experience, not as easy as it seems. There was a lot of time spent waiting for my turn. It was a great feeling, out in the sea on the wakeboard all by myself, away from the boat, waiting for it to tow me... There was silence, all of a sudden... Not the sort of silence in an examination hall, or at home when there is no music playing or tv on.. Don't know if you know what I mean... I suddenly felt this sense of tranquility inside me... The world is so peaceful... Life is so... Unchaotic and serene... Hard to explain how I felt at that time...
It felt wonderful too, sitting on the boat, wind blowing against my face, fluttering my hair. The sea is so vast..even if the whole world disappears, there is still the sky and the sea...
No pageant training today. Science bash was last Saturday. It was boring, don't feel the urge to further elaborate. This is the first time I'm mentioning the pageant.. Funny it is..because it has been a huge part of my life for the recent months. All the training into wee hours of the morning, the aching feet, the scoldings, the friendships formed..
Anyway as I was saying, no training today, finally have a time to enjoy a night in my own room. I just want to stay here, with my radio on, and enjoy a moment of peace, all by myself..
Went wakeboarding yesterday. It was fun, a great experience, not as easy as it seems. There was a lot of time spent waiting for my turn. It was a great feeling, out in the sea on the wakeboard all by myself, away from the boat, waiting for it to tow me... There was silence, all of a sudden... Not the sort of silence in an examination hall, or at home when there is no music playing or tv on.. Don't know if you know what I mean... I suddenly felt this sense of tranquility inside me... The world is so peaceful... Life is so... Unchaotic and serene... Hard to explain how I felt at that time...
It felt wonderful too, sitting on the boat, wind blowing against my face, fluttering my hair. The sea is so vast..even if the whole world disappears, there is still the sky and the sea...
Thursday, August 19, 2004
He is gone
He left. A part of me feels missing. Desperately trying to concentrate on my school work but apparently failing. Doesn't happen very often, I've always been someone who is able to put my personal affairs aside and focus on what is important.
The past month has almost been like a dream. A beautiful dream, almost like a fairy tale...Feelings were so strong... I can't even put it down in words. Have you ever love someone so much that the mere thought of him bring tears into your eyes? For the fear of losing him, never being able to feel him again or say "I love you".. No regrets, the happiness might have been short lived, but nonetheless, I choose short lived happiness over nothing, just as he did.
The day would come, he said he has anticipated it. The day of tears. The day for tears. At least for me it was. He didn't cry, I guess he is used to partings. Partings. "Be glad it once happened, not sad that it's over," - Tuesdays with Morrie. I'm trying to keep up with that optimistic outlook of life.
I didn't cry when I sent him off. I didn't cry when I see him walk further and further away...into the world I don't belong. I didn't cry when I left the air port, not even when memories come flooding back. I didn't cry...would he have known anyway...
His philosophy in life is to march ahead and never look back. Memories are meant for reminiscing a few minutes just before one goes to sleep. That's it, no point dwelling over the past. The past is over, the future waits. Forget the past.
That's my philosophy too, except I want the past to stay...stay with me...stay with him... and that one yr later when we meet again, we can start from where we move off.. But a lot of things can happen in a year... How love last that long? In reality?
The past month has almost been like a dream. A beautiful dream, almost like a fairy tale...Feelings were so strong... I can't even put it down in words. Have you ever love someone so much that the mere thought of him bring tears into your eyes? For the fear of losing him, never being able to feel him again or say "I love you".. No regrets, the happiness might have been short lived, but nonetheless, I choose short lived happiness over nothing, just as he did.
The day would come, he said he has anticipated it. The day of tears. The day for tears. At least for me it was. He didn't cry, I guess he is used to partings. Partings. "Be glad it once happened, not sad that it's over," - Tuesdays with Morrie. I'm trying to keep up with that optimistic outlook of life.
I didn't cry when I sent him off. I didn't cry when I see him walk further and further away...into the world I don't belong. I didn't cry when I left the air port, not even when memories come flooding back. I didn't cry...would he have known anyway...
His philosophy in life is to march ahead and never look back. Memories are meant for reminiscing a few minutes just before one goes to sleep. That's it, no point dwelling over the past. The past is over, the future waits. Forget the past.
That's my philosophy too, except I want the past to stay...stay with me...stay with him... and that one yr later when we meet again, we can start from where we move off.. But a lot of things can happen in a year... How love last that long? In reality?
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Uni
Second day of school, so far I have only attended 2 lectures. School is just school, it is always boring, at least lectures are. Haven't been getting adequate sleep for the past 2 weeks, ever since I moved into hostel. On the verge of falling real sick, again. What's wrong with my body man, forever heating up. I have a sore throat.
The life science lectures are fine, probably because I have always been more inclined towards science. However the Arts module I have to take is torturous. It's really not my cup of tea... The worse is to access us we have to do tutorial presentation, a research paper, visit some musuem and write a paper on it...*groan*
Hall life has been fun. There are lots of stuff going on beneath the surface..mostly the "i like you, he likes her, she hates him" etc...common..and it's interesting, when you're not the one involved. I'm proud to say at this point of time I'm still innocent of such gossip..
Still adapting.....hope the coming life would be more eventful.
The life science lectures are fine, probably because I have always been more inclined towards science. However the Arts module I have to take is torturous. It's really not my cup of tea... The worse is to access us we have to do tutorial presentation, a research paper, visit some musuem and write a paper on it...*groan*
Hall life has been fun. There are lots of stuff going on beneath the surface..mostly the "i like you, he likes her, she hates him" etc...common..and it's interesting, when you're not the one involved. I'm proud to say at this point of time I'm still innocent of such gossip..
Still adapting.....hope the coming life would be more eventful.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Love
How do you know when the person you're in love with is the true love of your life? I always believe in a person's lifetime, he or she will meet this other person, this person whom he is destined to be with...and when this person appears, you will know. You just know, deep in your heart. It's true. I have seen many examples around me. But sometimes people break up. Sometimes you meet the right person at the wrong time, sometimes you meet the wrong person at the right time...
First week in hostel
1st August! July flew by. Haven't updated my blog for the past 11 days. One of the reasons is that I haven't been at home for 7/11 days. Staying in NUS Eusoff Hall..did I mention that in the previous entry? Hmm can't remember. I have a single room to myself. The room has a bed, a large desk, a wardrobe and a full length mirror (yay!). I'm still doing my utmost best to 'furnish' the room but for now it still looks pretty empty. No books to fill the empty shelves, no lap top to occupy the desk, no picture to cover the blank white walls..yet..the things will come soon.
It's hard to believe that it has only been a week plus since I moved in. Partly because in these few days, it seems I have done so many things. There were ongoing orientation programs and games everyday, but sadly to say some of them are disappointingly boring. Actually the activities which I enjoyed most is just sitting down around with my group mates and crapping, or going to Fong Seng (consisting of roti prata and other stalls) next to my hall. Yes that's the best part..being with my new friends, people whom I'm going to be seeing very often for the next year.
There are a LOT of foreigners in Eusoff Hall. Plenty of PRCs, Malaysians, a few Vietnamese, one from UK, another one from Sri Lanka, Pakistan even... Interesting mix of people, but unfortunately we the locals tend to stick together, with some Malaysians. Different cultures..hard to click.
It's hard to believe that it has only been a week plus since I moved in. Partly because in these few days, it seems I have done so many things. There were ongoing orientation programs and games everyday, but sadly to say some of them are disappointingly boring. Actually the activities which I enjoyed most is just sitting down around with my group mates and crapping, or going to Fong Seng (consisting of roti prata and other stalls) next to my hall. Yes that's the best part..being with my new friends, people whom I'm going to be seeing very often for the next year.
There are a LOT of foreigners in Eusoff Hall. Plenty of PRCs, Malaysians, a few Vietnamese, one from UK, another one from Sri Lanka, Pakistan even... Interesting mix of people, but unfortunately we the locals tend to stick together, with some Malaysians. Different cultures..hard to click.
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