student no more

as the last answer script was being collected, i sighed....what was that for? ....a sigh of relief? that the last paper has officially ended. or a sigh of resignation, it's the last paper that seals my fate. or sighhh, a sigh of regret..because this is it, i'm a student no more. PSLE, O levels, A levels, sem after sem of exams in nus...farewell to my life as a student, and onto the next chapter of my life i look forward to.

that's assuming i will pass all my papers though. haha.

it feels sooo damnn goood to have all the time in the world!!!! i feel so..free! the taste of freedom is sweet, however short lived this freedom might be, before i start the whole cycle of chasing butterflies all over again. at least for now, i think my break is well deserved. march and april had to be one of the most hectic periods in my life! but then again, they are also the months that i've accumulated some of my best memories..

met maoyuan and jason today and they presented me with...

...tada~~! gold medal for nus science fac squash team!!! hahaha..which i didnt helped to win at all, all i did was to show face once. :X

currently watching the rerun of msu 07 on channel 5. frankly speaking, it's rather boring to me, nothing mind blowing at all to watch myself strutting down the stage on tv. i cant believe we spent so many nights rehearsing for that few seconds of glitz and glamour! it was all so fast... no wonder you guys will never understand all the hard work we went through to put up the 2 hours show that you see. oh well oh well...time to put it all behind me.

and oh, jade seah really makes a poor host. i cant even bear to watch her on tv.

me me during the swimwear segment, looking to my left because that's where the camera is.

for all you jessica tan fans out there, you can see her pretty clearly here beside me!

and then there's all of us, ok i bet you cant spot me here either, if you dont enlarge the pic that is. haha.

i'm a bride

i am exhausted. i just fell asleep and woke up again, and now i'm struggling to keep my eyes open. zouk last night was fabulous with yy, we had a good time chatting before joining the gang at zouk members. i think we're the only ones who can truly understand how each other feel, hah.. anyway remember the lambor guy i was talking about a few posts back? i met him again last night. first impressions count, but i must say they are rarely accurate. they are merely first encounters that are normally insufficient for us to pass judgment. i was pleasantly surprised when i realised lambor guy is actually a very nice and decent person when he is sober! he started off by apologising profusely for endangering my life that night. we had a fine time chatting about life and stuff and he totally altered my perception of him. he wasnt really who i made out to be. second impression definitely scored points. :)

we headed to velvet after a while, the usual boozing and small talk continued. we were joined by yy's friends soon after, then we returned to the ultra packed phuture for some last minute dosages of vodka red bull, and finally closing off the night with bah chor mee supper at bugis. i was a little high when the night ended.

partying hard and some crazy decisions led me to be in this semi-unconscious state now. barely managed to catch a few winks, before i had to head down for my bridal show today. preparations began at 9am today, at grand plaza hotel. YAWNS. i was how tempted to just stay put in the comfortable bed and report in sick, but..responsibility is the word..professionalism as well. at the end of the day, it wasnt the monetary gains that kept me going (cos i was getting peanuts anyway), but the loooveee for my work. hahah..frankly of all sorts of modelling jobs i've done, photo shoots, events or whatsoever, the runway is still where i prefer to be. though sadly to say, my height is one restriction for me from getting the real big deals.

i've always prided myself on being able to catwalk fairly well, but i wouldnt rate highly of my performance today. this is my first bridal show, the first time i'm donning real wedding gowns, and i'm simply not very used to walking in big puffy costumes with long flowing trains. i was sooo afraid i'll step on them and fall! that is a disastrous thought. i was very careful to watch my steps, and hence i felt that took away some of the natural elegance and poise that should normally accompany me in my walk. i would make a clumsy bride! :p oh well, perfection comes with experience. i'm sure i'll fare better next time! anyway the organisers were pretty cute, we wore sports shoes to walk in the last set of gowns, cos they wanted to portray a fun and lively image of one in gown. that's my fav segment..it's so much easier to walk in flats haha.

the stage

me with our small model aka little princess before i had my bombastic and demon-looking like hair.

me and pretty pretty veron, she was one of the nissan models too, and if you've met her before, you will neverrrrrr believe this well endowed girl is only 18 this yr. haha.

me and rach: demonesses, please do not ask me why they decided to give us such hideous looking hairdos. we looked like chemistry experiments gone wrong. but they're supposed to look fine for runway standards. although franking speaking, which bride would look like this on her wedding night?? how on earth does that make the gowns look more attractive on us? more vogue or more character? dunno what these organisers are thinking manz..

me and estelle, another pair of 7th month ghosts

my make up artist, she is rather cute dont you think so? she did a good job on the make up as well.

the little darling that everyone adores

all of us, the 6 models plus the little one.

it was fun with the girls as usual. :) it was especially heart warming seeing so many couples too. i could almost smell the scent of love in the air. may all these married couples live happily ever after! whee...~ :D

i have been so caught up with the pursuit of superficial superiority, that i've forgotten what that truly matters is what that lies inside you. thank you for reminding me! :) i'm more than what i give myself credit for?! a little restoration of self esteem is good for health.

money makes the world go round

exams arent over, but it sure does feel as if they are. hehe..i'm just taking it all so easy.

anyway i just read this article on the straits times about the hype over the ministers' pays.

"..for surely it is worrying if ministries - and Singaporeans themselves - work on the basis that the main reason for a young person to choose one course of study over another is the size of his future pay cheque.

What about other considerations, such as love of a subject or the hope of using one's knowledge to improve other people's lives?

...money must be the currency of choice to motivate individuals to do what is difficult or involves personal sacrifice.

It strikes me as reductive, for it makes people out to be mere consumers, driven by their appetites for creature comforts and seemingly devoid of other passions or values.

While we have to accept the rules of capitalism which keep our economy ticking, surely we should remain on guard against its excesses, which can lead to a selfish obsession with material wealth. that is a social ill comparable to the widening income gap and as deserving of attention."


is that all we care about..money money money? would you give up your passion, to pursue a career that guarantees you a larger pay cheque? is that the standard measurement for everything in the world today - the few figures in your bank account?

was just talking to some weird guy last night about rich guys giving diamonds as gifts to women so that they'll go to bed with them. apparently it works. we're indeed living in a materialistic world today, but pray tell me that there are people who still stick by their principles, and are willing to maintain that strand of dignity.

diamonds are a girl's best friend...really?

who are we to judge really, when most of us havent lived a day with an empty stomach. how many of us can claim we know what is poverty? who knows, perhaps that is the extent we would go to also, if we were to experience the same sort of desperation.

to see the world

anyways, neuro paper sux big time today, but then again, that was expected because i really didnt study much. i even slept at 12am last night haha, i'm just not the sort who can burn midnight oil. nonetheless, nothing can dampen my spirit now because the ending of exams is near! planning a trip to bangkok next week with jas and it's europe after that! who wants to watch phantom with me??

the totally unglam side of me: this is how i look like when i'm using my lappie on my comfy bed..hahaha..

courage

i am now watching this variety show on channel U, where they invited some of the superstar contestants to sing. i was about to say they really cmi, when i stopped myself in the nick of time. i of all people should know that it's not easy to be there! it's so easy for us all to sit comfortably on our sofas and criticise those on screen..but we rarely put ourselves in their shoes, and recognise the fact that actually being there takes a lot of courage already...

haiz you people..you you and you...just dont know...only know how to say this say that...but you just dont understannd..

but anyway the reason why i'm still watching the show is because...sun yan zi is on! haha. and i so like her new song, ni guang. whee~

...shawn and ck, thanks for providing me with entertainment in the midst of such grim times. :p

i swear neurobiology is one of the cheem-est module i've ever taken. i'm wondering how i'm going to pass the exam tmr when i'm reading the notes for the first time now. i need a miracle!

additional photo from THE night

our first appearance, greek goddesses. once again..i bet you dont know which one i am! haha! whoever can guess correctly, i salute you! :p

i know this might sound crazy, but you know what i suddenly feel like doing? i feel like going hiking!! or camping..or climbing mountain. hahaha..

msu 2007 finals

photos photos of the glam night..for those who arent able to watch the show, like my dearest, mr law and mr ng..

the empty set

dionne, yy and me - in greek goddesses' outfits, a while before our first appearance

carol wearing her thick thick winter wear sweater cos it's FREEZING cold behind the scenes!

me with lovely queenie, jessica!

joanne with her mouth WIDE open and adlina looking erm..petrified..only i look normal

me and phoebe, sulking in the changing room after the announcement of top 10 results. hehhee..

me and justin, our stylist

alvin and sonya, my two fav make up artists!

my devoted supporters, chris and..song

me and jasssieee!

carol looking sooo pretty! and jave in the centre, our nanny for the past 2 months.

andre teo looking damn sian as usual..and cheee keong!

stupid andre teo

my uncle, aunt, parents and brroo!

my sis and her bf, jerry

zixxxuuann, who disappeared halfway!

seng song! my escort for the evening wear segment. he can run really really fassst....i got a shock when i found out how fast he could run haha. pardon me for my ignorance mr poh!

me, gary, another sprinter and wang kan

xue mei with her DAMN big bouquet of flowers

me and qiqi..she isnt one of the contestants, but she certainly can pass off as one!

all of us with some sponsors i think..

all of us! oh well..half at least..

thank you for the flowers people..

after all the brouhaha, chris and i head off for some drinks. at this bar called divine, somewhere along north bridge road. it's a real classy place..very very nice decor.

watching little alison flyyy~

i missed out one very important person..someone who couldnt be with me during the competition, though i know he would love to..someone who called me before the show, during the show and after the show, and had to tolerate my rantings almost every night..my bf dearest!! thank youu.. it's okay that you're not with me physically, cos i know spiritually you are, and i can feel it all the way from holland to singapore. :)

simplicity

i dont know whether you guys caught the first intro of all of us in the greek goddess outfits..but this was how my intro went: i helped to build a school for children in cambodia, the experience has taught me to treasure the simple things in life.

alex, my PA7 facilitator just sent us all an email regarding my appearance last night. i dont know how i can begin to describe the contents of the mail..but it struck a chord in my heart.

being me, myself and i is good enough, aint it! being the girl who carried sand and stone to build the school, who planted the seeds with the little kids, who got 'whipped' by the kids with a bunch of leaves playing games, who tried to cook rice but realised there was too little water later on..yeah that's good enough eh..

finale - i'm going home

hey hey,

it's really late right now and i'm soooo tired that i dont think i have much strength left to blog much. anyway i just want to say a big thank you...

to my supporters who came down tonight! ck, jas, kevin, andre, zx, chris, sis, jerry, bro, my aunt and uncle, and my parents. thannnks for the floweerrsss! and i'm sorry i made you guys wait sooo long for me...

to davis and lenny who called me before the show began..

to terence who called me all the way from new york after the event to check out the results (boy..is it me or is it my imagination...you really do sound different! in a good way of course..haha..)

to all who msn/sms/tagged to wish me luck before the show

to all who has been helping me get through this crazy period with encouraging words..

to all who msn/sms/tagged me AFTER the event to tell me not to be disheartened or disappointed....

thank you..even though i have not managed to reply all of you.

ok i'll be a big fat liar if i say i wasnt disappointed, i AM indeed disappointed cos i expected more from myself, but it's ok..life moves on. as rebecca said, msu might seem like such an important and bombastic event in our lives right now, but it's really inconsequential to whatever that is happening in the world out there today. so ya...sigh, so though i didnt win anything, i bring away with me a most exciting experience of my life, absolutely wonnderrrfull memories, and loads of pretty friends.

the good thing now is...i can eat all the chips i want in the world! i dont have to make an effort to do crunches everyday! i can finally settle down and study proper, without having to share half my brain with msu..and i can finally party hard again after exams......yes yes...after the darn exams...

i'm totally glad it's all over. i can finally move on with my life.

oh yes, photos up later on. it's bedtime for now.

i've got rehearsal from 3-11pm today (hopefully it doesnt drag)
i've got my hormones paper at 9am tmr
i've got full dress rehearsal from 8am to 12am tmr

a lot of feelings to share
but i shall keep it short
because i've got no time anyway
just one word to sum up how i'm feeling right now
and for everything that is happening in the world today
like the psycho who went around shooting innocent people

sigh.

my fav food

this is what i feel most grateful about after coming home from a very very late rehearsal cum fitting session...

...being able to eat the maggie mee that my mum cooked!

we were at andrew road till 12.40am just now? feeling very tired right now...and a little low on spirit...no superwoman today...

dreaded

EXAM schedule:

possibly the last official exams of my life.....

21/04 (sat) 9am: lsm 3214 hormones and health - *horror horror*, one day before the finals, how am i supposed to concentrate?? i have to rush off for full dress rehearsal after the paper.

24/04 (tues) 9am: PR 2202 Cosmetics & perfumes - the amount of notes to study and memorise is crazy! ok so i have one day to memorise all the perfume names, scents and raw materials.

25/04 (wed) 9am: GEK 1532 Colour & Vision - HIGH possibility of failing cos i've only attended like 1/4 of the lects, i missed one CA and i know close to nothing about the subject. pray for me!

26/04 (thurs) 9am: LSM 3213 Neurobiology - HIGH HIGH possibility of failing too cos it's a damn cheem subject which i totally catch no ball despite many attempts at trying to comprehend the notes. lects were 8am this sem so..you can guess how my attendance was like.

30/04 (mon) 9am: Drugs and Society - havent been to a single lect this sem cos lects are webcasted. i'll have 3 days to study for it..so hopefully it's ok.

freedom comes after april. sigh sigh.

deprivation

you know what, before i set myself on my daily routine of travelling to andrew road for baby walking trainings, i've got to say this...

it has been a while since i...
...had a nice, sit down, no having-to-rush-off-somewhere-after-that dinner at a nice restaurant...
...watched a 7pm show on tv...
...caught a movie...
...stayed at home for a day without going out...
...been to vivocity!
...shopped to my heart's content...
...felt ok just to be doing absolutely nothing...
...go to the beach...
...go on a date! (hehehe....)

i'm pronounce myself to be officially...
deprived.

8 days

that's me, in 8 days!!

i look like i just walked out from a dove ad, dont i..

the 8 days people werent very kind to us. meanies! come on manz, it's not easy to give clever and witty answers when you've to think on your feet! bahz.

had one of my down moments today. nothing bad happened, it was just the usual trivial screw ups that happen in life everyday. it was a sudden bolt of depression and it came crushing down like an avalanche. for a moment i just couldnt breathe, and i felt very very much alone.

chins up! i'm not gonna let anything beat me now! *pastes a big smile on my face* :)

msu rehearsal blues

the entire weekend was spent at mediacorp rehearsing..you know that we girls are really bored when we start photowhoring..

the girls in purple/pink!! it just so happened that all of us wore the same colour on sat!

phoebe, me and carol

the pseudo 'top 10'

in the make up unit, all of us with our make up and hair done, wearing the msu 2007 tank top and jeans, going for a roadshow at IMM.

macho women - look at our biceps! (or the lack of it...)

pageant girls - uglified

i still have a lot of uglifed photos of us..haha but i think i'll post them up after the pageant la..dun wanna spoil any of the girls' images..hahaha..

my weekend was burnt, and i lost a lot of studying time...but i have to say....i had so much fun!! :))

6 days to go.

and oh, we're in this week's 8 days! i havent seen it yet though.

today is a bad day, i cant seem to get anything into my head. HELP!