optimism

optimism. i think it's the most important quality you have to have in life. i think if i wasnt a person as optimistic as i think i am, i would have died of disappointment by now. there were many times which i failed to get something i really want, but nobody really knows how disappointed i was because i hid my feelings. which is ideal, cos i hid it precisely so that no one would think that i'm sad, and come forward to comfrot me. i think i'm my own best consoler. ok maybe not all the time lar, but most of the times, there seemed to be two people inside me. one dying, the other telling me to buck up and that things are never as bad as i make them out to be. one at pit bottom, the other showed the light admist the darkness.

ym disfigured

the below pics are taken courtesy of andre teo!


smileeey


pouts


AHAHAHA...andre the bear!!


miss bunny tay


me smooching me..ahh the desired effect didnt come out right


the most yucky picture of all!! EEEEk!!

my answer

haha hey peeps,

trust me, i'm not the sort of girl who sits around and brood, waiting for things to fall down from heaven to me. yeaps, i've been lost, lost for a long long long long time..the people i envy most are those who know what they want a long time ago and they just have to go through life as they have planned. if you know what you want, it's easy to go all out to achieve it isnt it.. i wish i'm like that. someone with a fixed goal in life. someone who isnt so fickle and unsure, someone whose goals dont change constantly.. i've been thinking. thinking real hard since i left rj. WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU WANT in LIFE TAY YIMING?? i admit, i wish the answer could just drop from sky to me one fine day.. but i seriously havent been idling around, i've been doing a lot of things, trying to make myself realise what is it i want.. but some things just cant be forced.

things have been easy for me in life. it wasnt hard to get into rgs from nyps, neither was it any difficult to enter rj from rg, or nus from rj.. a well paved road it has been.. the admission tickets were merely academic results. oh how many As i've scored..oh big deal. i've finally come to the end of the road, alright not yet but pretty soon.. i guess i'm just scared.. not scared of anyone, or anything, but rather i'm afraid that i wont live up to my own expectations.

oh well..from an optimistic point of view, i'm still young right, i still have a few more yrs to go before i graduate. someone once told me that, life always manages to straighten itself for me ultimately. the answer will come one day.

crisis

arg. i'm undergoing a period of low self-esteem. these days, more often than not, i feel UGLY, STUPID and BROKE. ugly because..arg shallnt explain. stupid because i've got work piling up and i am having difficulty understanding them. plus the fact that i'm taking biostats this sem but i have no calculator in hall..so how am i going to do my tutorials?? ok so i tried using excel to calculate..was ok for some qn, not ok for others, somehow something screwed up and my answers turned out all different. also, i have NO TBS. it's pretty amazing to some people how i could possibly manage withbout purchasing a single tb so far in my nus life. but..oh well..if you never had one, you definitely can live without it. but right now.....

mum was telling me i should be doing much better in sch than what my results have reflected. afterall i'm from rj right..and i was a pretty good student then too..hmMM..ya i was, at least in j2 la, when i managed to catch up on my work. but right now i seemed to have lost it. lost IT. the IT to study and work hard and get good results. from my own analysis, i think the prob lies with the fact that there isn't any motivation, or reason for me to work hard. in jc, it was important to work hard for A levels so i would get into a good uni. but so what, so what if i did well in As, i still end up in NUS like everyone else. and i could do that easily with not-so-good grades as well. so WHAT'S the POINT of studying so hard in rj?? of course one reason is..to meet up to my own self expectations.. but.. HAIZ. whatever. i'm still stuck in NUS.

my identity

sometimes i dunno who i am. sometimes i dunno who i want to be. sometimes i dunno whether i should be who i am or be who i want to be. sometimes i dunno whether i like myself. sometimes i dunno whether i should like myself for who i am or hate myself because i'm not who i want to be.

recently i've lost track of who i am and who i want to be. should i learn to tell myself it's ok that i'm like that..because..that's who i am..and not fret..or should i chase after the rainbow of that dream girl in my heart..

zoukies!

out on a shopping trip..poor dear had to tag along with me, my mum and sis..

the meaning of sorrow

let me close one chapter of my life and start all over again. pour my energies into studies and focus on the more important things in life. be good to the one who loves me most and who is there to protect me as a guardian angel would. stop clubbing so intensively..for clubbing has certainly lost its meaning.. cry one last time, dry one last tear..and tramp on bravely.. the future holds its mysteries, so just leave anticipations alone.

总之就是要往前看,往前走...回亿是留给晚上,睡觉前,才把它拿出来,偷偷地想..

no more tears. just no more.

i'm a selfish bitch who doesnt deserve to be loved. hope you understand that it's breaking my heart as much as it's breaking yours. it ain't easy for me.. i just want to be fair.

enough

i feel like shit now. think i got a sore throat, i have to drink water every minute to wet my parched dry lips, and what is the result? i want to pee all the time. sigh. no one to blame except myself. clubbing 2 nights in a row has certainly taken its toll on me. lack of sleep. alcohol is dehydrating. not that i really drank a lot.. shared a flaming lambo with manda last night during one for one, and got another one free cos i waited damn long for my card to be returned to me, and the bartender decided to compensate me by giving me 2 more flamings. yay. speaking of which, i think i lost debit card. dammit. i havent even reported the loss, since the money in my account is too insignificant. arghh..i'm always losing stuff.

i really think my threshold for drinking has increased. i know. some people whom i used to go clubbing with last time will laugh manz..cos i was always getting wasted.. but NOW.. i think it's pretty difficult to get me drunk.. high yes.. but drunk? nah nah.

met up with dear today. we caught the movie Must Love Dogs. Aiya. nothing fantastic. so-so only. dont think it's worth the 8 bucks we paid. oh well. whatever.

better to have loved and lost than never love before? would you rather experience the cloud nine feeling of ecstasy when falling in love and the pains of heartbreak, or.. simply just nothing at all..no thrills but no tears too..

in my room

club hoppin'

we had one hell of a time last night! first i went chinablack with liwern cos it was her friend's party. but it was really boring..thin crowd, no one was dancing at that time yet, they were just playing pop music. we left after a while cos we were so bored. liz joined us later on after making a futile trip back home to change into heels instead of the slippers she was wearing.

me and liz went on to coco latte while liwern went momo to look for her friends. it was supposed to be a private party at coco, so i wasnt expecting so many unfamiliar faces. but since there were like 6 guys organising it, and each of them probably asked a lot of their friends, n their friends probably asked their friends..blah blah.. the number is nothing surprising. we had soo much funn there! it has been so long since i really danced..

met many of my friends last night, managed to catch up with a few, made several new friends too..it's amazing how small the world is, it seems everyone is connected in some way. met this rj guy from my batch..and he said he thought i was a chinese scholar when he saw me in rj.. WHAT THE?!!? he said it was my fair complexion and china scholars always have this pretty face.. ok.. i'm totally ok with the pretty face part.. BUT.. manz.. me a china scholar.. *INSULTEd* hah...

our inital plan was to do dxo after that for temasek hall bash but we were having so much fun at coco that we didnt want to leave. didnt really drink that much on the whole, although crazy liz kept buying glasses and glasses of champagne.

free

first day of school. first lect of the day. nothing really worth mentioning. was delighted to see so many familiar faces, the first belonging to my dear freshies. it's heart warming to see that they have bonded so well together, having breakfast tgr, having lects tgr, going orchard tgr after sch. :) a tinge of regret too, for i didnt joined sow last yr, or even if i had, sow last year was definitely uncomparable to this yr's. cheers to ever lasting friendships.

alone in hall now. afternoon sun pours in. not too sunny. light breeze. take in a deep breath..it feels good.. my own space..my private space..no one to disrupt this tranquility surrounding me. if only life would stay this way. always peaceful, always quiet..free of troubles, free from complications, free without worries..if only..

breaking camp

sow has ended..sob sob..it was awesome..


our sadako with the other terror banners: exorcist and hannibal


everyone nicely dressed up for the freshmen inauguration ceremony


hongzhong baiban facai ah!! mahjong craze all night. at the table behind, sean has already concussed.


happy birthday to paul..


the youngest member of our group..paul turned 19 on this fateful day and was tortured by his fellow og mates with army camo cream.


parading the 'pretty' boy


secret pal. blind men talking.


speed dating


seniors in blue were pulled reluctantly into the game..it gets really boring after a while


playing the game 'mobile phone'..


hmm..how come the guys look so happy carrying the girls huh..


my 3 very cheeky freshies: they were chatting with me simultaneously, bluffing me that each of them were still at home and we were all late.. 10 mins later, they sent me this photo, n that was when i realised they were all in sch already and i was the only one late.


jumping jacks


the guys really have nothing better to do..


many many sadakos


science float n rag dance


science float


tongues and lips stained black from eating this sweet

double victory

whoo hoo. yesterday was NUS rag day. if you guys dont already know, let me make a short explanation. flag day is a day when you see all NUS students from each fac or hall out in full force, begging for donations all over singapore, to raise money for 20 beneficiaries. rag day a day supposedly to thank those people for their contributions (but i dont see how that's being done). it's like a chingay parade..each hall and fac will showcase their float, a structure made from recycled materials only, and perform a dance.

i used to think rag was stupid and a waste of time. but now i've seen light. months and months of hard work are put into the making of the float, takes skill and lots of brainwork..it's like when you see some of the floats, you'll start thinking.."how on earth did they manage to do that??". *impressed impressed* and oh..it's a fantastic chance to bond with people..funn manz..anyway it was double victory for me, cos both science and eusoff won the chancellor's shield, meaning we were the overall champions.. YAY!!! i'm so proud of my fac and my hall!! not so much for eusoff..cos..urps..it's not surprising that we won..but for sci!! cos the committee worked really hard this year and it's the first time that we won.. :)

i was dying during rag though.. so DAMN hot and everything was progressing at snail's pace..plus i didnt sleep the previous night.. i was falling asleep watching some of the performances. dying manz.. i'm a black charcoal now.

school starting on monday. OH NO! taking less heavy core modules now..no labs for this sem, but that means dying for the next sem. taking film and history, and japanese as my elective modules. jap is 7 hours a week!!

bloodsucker

my bloody hands

flag day

flag day. boring flag day. my og was stationed at toa payoh, good location cos it was like damn crowded at all times of the day, but competition was stiff because there were so many NUS people from different facs and halls already there. the market was saturated! we dominated the entire place with our yellow tees and bombarded everyone for donations. i spent the morning stoning at macs with my fellow seniors, shaking our legs, chit chatting, playing stupid games like black magic..our duty was just to take care of the freshies and make sure they're ok. quite a waste of time huh. in the end i did an hour of flagging though, after meeting fabian and he was sounded rather passionate when he asked me to flag for hall.. oh well. i guess at the end of the day i still feel more for my hall than for my faculty.

actually i have never felt much for science fac..until now that i'm in S.O.W. (sci orientation week), and got to know so many many more sci people. come to think it, i rarely interact with my fac people except my sci pageant friends.. yea..thought they were boring, and too guai for my liking.. actually..i believe i am still right about them haha. but then..they are still nice people, and good company. sow has made me feel closer to my fac, rather than it being just something i happen to belong to cos i study life sci.

hmm..why am i referring to them as they..i'm 'they' also.. hmm..okok..WE..

science orientation

my wonderful orientation group!


solemn.. (except for one joker..:X)


crazyy!!


me and sean..and a row of goodie bags in front of us..feeling sian after packing them..


dinner at crystal jade

my sunday

me wearing dear's mega big jersey..ahha..got bball sey or not?? hahaha..


me and dear..on the bus to town


outside taka..


dinner at pepper lunch..it's a new restaurant located opposite yoshinoya in taka. nicey..the food there is good..about $10 each set..


cut beef and chicken set..yummies..