unexplainable grief..

now that the sun has set.. and he has gone offline.. i'm letting my defenses down.. ok he is calling me now, so i cant exactly let it down yet, guess i'll put my phone on silence.. i wonder if he understood how much he is hurting me.. how much it hurts when he showed me love n concern, yet is so determined that we should be friends.. how he makes me feel loved, yet so miserable.. does he know.. does he know.. does he know how much tears i've shed.. does he know it's killing me inside.. does he know how hurt i am.. no he doesnt..

his friends said he just want to have the best of both worlds.. i have refused to see it before, but the fact that he could totally ignore my sms in the afternoon have proven much. i havent shed a tear since hearing what he and her did. be strong girl.. SEE the point.. if he loves you, he wouldnt have gone out with her behind your back. if he loves you, he wouldnt have done those things with her. if he loves you, he wouldnt have bear to break up with you, n still did all those things he did.. :( if he loves you, he wouldnt have ignored your sms.. if he loves you, he wouldnt let you go through all these things...

oh no i going to start tearing again.. i'm so tired of being the strong person i'm trying so hard to be... i'm so tired.... i'm so so tired...

does anyone understand how i feel... does anyone understand.... it's killing me..