the conclusion

finally. we talked last night, over msn, and cleared several things up. i could easily verify whether what he told me was lies or the truth, but i realised, some things just dont matter anymore.. i was dying to give him another chance, dying to say,"let's start everything all over again." but i was more clearheaded and rational then. perhaps they didnt really do anything at his place, but somehow the fact that they might have done something has knocked some sense into me, hardened my heart and let me see everything in a clearer light.

true enough he might still love me, but sometimes love ain't enough.. he is not ready yet, and i'm pretty sure he doesnt see that. i only hope one day the juntian i know will be a different one from now. we are still friends, and i dun hate him. i've never been capable of hatred. ha good or bad i dont know.

anyway i'm going to concentrate on the more important things in life, and that is studies for now. have a test a few hours later, and i feel ill prepared for it after everything that has been happening these days..

the sky is really grey outside.. wind blowing, trees swaying..going to rain.. it's exactly how i'm feeling inside.. grey.. grey.. despite seeming so strong these days, my heart inside is grey..n gloomy..n bleak... i'm all alone...standing in the wide desert, helpless...