deep thoughts..

one day when i wake up in the morning.. i will cease to think of him.. i will cease to experience that aching in my heart..

felt a lot when i watched OC last night, because it seems as if i am able to relate to what those characters are feeling.. how marissa felt.. her missing ryan, and so absolutely frustrated with her life, that she overturned the deck chair and threw everything into the pool, screamed and screamed and screamed...

i keep thinking about him and what he needs.. but just now i suddenly thought, he isn't the only one who needs to change.. i need to as well. i have to admit that after i've known him, my life has practically revolved around him. i drifted apart from some of my friends, and i didnt even care, cos to me, he was the most impt person of my life. now, i hate clubbing, and i still do. amazing isn't it? i used to find clubbing thrilling, exciting, you go there to see and be seen. now i see it as a meaningless, money wasting, time wasting and boring activity.

with my previous bfs, all i cared was: enjoying the moment and living for it. with him, it was the first time i thought about spending my future with someone. the first time i thought whether there is a future, whether things would eventually work out in the end, whether he is the one..

with my previous bfs, i would still feel the urge to know more guys, look around..but with him..i have lost interest in everyone and anyone.. true there might be richer guys, better looking ones, more intelligent ones...but i didnt give a damn.. n right now.. i still dun give a damn...

so for some of my friends who think that this is just another one of yiming's break ups.. it's not.. because i've changed. for him or cos i'm more mature.. i dont know..and it really doesnt matter anymore...

i called him a lost little boy. actually i'm pretty much a lost little girl too... i need to find my direction in life..