a bad lover

it's a love affair turned sour.

we entered this relationship with so much hopes and expectations, excitement and anticipation, only to have been let down time and time again.

promises were made, but never delivered. efforts were taken for granted, and rewards were negligible.

we head on directionless, trying to make sense out of what was happening.

we chose to believe that if we showered it with love, this love would reciprocate one day.

for me, it was plainly love at first sight. but yet, who doesnt know that love has to be earned.

disappointment has eroded any expectations or illusions we once idealistically had.

i officially have - zero expectations.

the last straw came, that act of plain cruelty.

we understood it was necessary and inevitable. it was the lack of compassion and consideration that chilled us.

now the time has come for us to seek new lovers, and hopefully, we can find the right wife before this one ditches us.

to greener pastures.

chasing butterflies.

why does it seem like i'll never get close enough?

why does it seem like an eternity away?

ex-msu gathering at Lunar

it was nice seeing everyone after so long!

spring cleaning is a painful process. you end up digging out old teddy bears and greeting cards that you thought are destined for the garbage dump, but end up feeling nostalgic when you really set eyes on them and the memories come flooding back.

cant bear to throw them away. ooh well.

anyways, after some soul searching, i realised i may indeed be the petty one. i am the one who is narrow minded and inflexible.

what others want to do, i can't control. i only have control over myself.

dont stoop down to her level.

sigh, so perhaps i will try. MAYBE PERHAPS SEE HOW.

happy chinese new year to all!

and yes, before the day is over, happy one year anniversary my darling. :)

you

i cant help it, i told myself to get over with it, but i'm still brooding over the incident.

i'm in a dilemma. my pride and stubbornness tell me that i have done nothing wrong; the problem isnt with me, the problem lies with her. i have no reason to compromise. i refuse to change.

deep down inside, i know that by doing nothing, the situation would simply remain stagnant. to be honest, i havent exactly been doing nothing. my indifference is something. my obvious nonchalance must surely have been felt. i know i have been silently provocative, yet feigning a perfectly innocent front.

but how do you expect me to be even decently polite to someone who has insulted me time and time again? how do you ask me to fend off accusations that hold so much bias, injustice and untruth? how do you tell me to stand someone, who in my opinion, is petty, narrow minded, snobbish, LOUD and so bloody insensitive and disrespectful?

respect has to be earned, not assumed. for someone who has robbed every shred of my dignity, she doesnt deserve my respect.

of all accusations, she hit one nail on the head: i dislike her, and she dislikes me.

i detest her for everything i have mentioned above. and most of all, i detest her for hurting you.

i admit i havent been trying. i dont feel like trying, and i dont want to try.

yes, i refuse.

the only reason i'm even considering, is because of you.

you are the only reason why i will consider casting away my dignity and my pride to try.

perhaps i will. but not right now, because i can still feel the salt on the wounds. because though i may be able to forgive, i wont be able to forget.

it's only when we have very little money, when i realised how resourceful i can be. haha.

a bit more for bday..

great food at senso

lobster bisque

tay yiming and her fav pose again

tay yiming and her fav bday gift

party at sentosa

attended cdm's 2nd anniversary party at sentosa, was great fun, especially with the freeflow of booze and food! :)

suntanning earlier in the day

the sun, the sand, the beach, and a mojito - this is what i call life!


caught a glimpse of songs of the sea going which was going on behind

pretty lights at sentosa

the party - us, ck and asterine

simply too much to drink! vodka redbull, gin tonic, beer, wine, food....

tay yiming's fav photo pose

cool ice sculpture

the 24th

Dinner was held at Senso, a very nice italian restaurant at club street. according to mr bf, they serve the best italian food in singapore! yum yum.

my bestest girlfriends

the love of my life!

thank you for the lovely pressie and for organising it all. muacks!

hidden sorrow

i feel a lump in my throat every time i read it, because all i read of is sorrow hidden from the rest of the eyes in the world. it speaks of loneliness, as if you're standing in the middle of a very busy road junction, where throngs of people passes by, but no one bothers to stop and ask you,"are you alright?". no one bothers, no one cares, no one could possibly understand.

so close, yet perhaps the distance is really miles apart.

i only hope it's a phase in life that everyone has to go through and it would eventually blow over to clearer skies.

once upon a time, i was feeling that way too..was i? hmm going back to myself a couple of years back, i DID feel as if i'm the loneliest person in the world and thought no one could understood me. we all find ourselves, after a while.

but life has been relatively kind to me recently. 2008 has been surprisingly simple. meeting my special J (ha!), embarking on a job that i like...and actually that's about it. that basically sums up the entire 2008. unexciting it might sound, but peaceful and blissful it was, after the turbulence i had experienced in 2007.

despite all talk about the economy crisis worsening, may 2009 be as good, or better a year for all.

the spirit of xmas, + hk

my ideal way of spending christmas would be..to host my own xmas party at my own place and have all my loved ones and good friends over! i want to have a lovely christmas tree and decorate the house for the occasion. i have this sudden obsession with xmas tress and decor this season after having done up 2 of my outlets. we will eat, have turkey, sip wine, sing christmas carols, laugh and talk rubbish.

tis is the season to be jolly...and it makes me happy hanging those silver, reflecting balls on the trees, watching the fairy lights blink in harmony, finishing it off with the huge star at the top of the tree...there's something in the spirit of christmas that fills people up with joy...i feel haaapppy simply because its christmas, simply that..and nothing else. you got to feel it right?

some random photos from my recent hong kong trip with mr j. took too many photos to put up all.

just got off the plane and was figuring which bus to take to our hotel, still in the geeky specs of mine.

ladies street


i finally found my true love!

...and so did he.

on the way to lan kwai fong, we passed by this big, lit up coach store.

disneyland: tarzan's house - a rather stupid feature they had

disneyland: spectacular fireworks

let it snow let it snow...

macau - venetian hotel

at the ave of stars: a romantic place to be with your loved at night, especially when it's cooold...

having hotpot for lunch at mong kong, undoubtedly one of the yummiest meal we had in hk!

i thought we over-ordered, but mr j's eating capacity is not to be underestimated!

twilight

my boyfriend gave the show 2/10 and said he wanted to throw eggs at the main actor, edward cullen. okok so i do agree to a certain extent that twilight was in many aspects, a movie lacking of climax, depth, and action, but as a girl, i was irresistibly drawn by the electrifying on screen chemistry between bella and edward. by himself, robert pattinson, who also starred in harry potter as cedric diggory, looks weird. his chin is unnaturally sharp. his face was white like snow. the interactions between the pair were so awkward it was laughable. but as i followed the budding romance, through the various stages of development until they eventually fell in love...gosh, i was totally swept away, by HIM. the way he looked at her, the way he was so fiercely protective of her, so intense, so much emotions, so heartbreaking...

so that's the romance side of the movie, twilight. if you're not a romance person, then this show isnt for you, which does to say most guys wouldnt like it, cos the vampire part of the movie was really quite crappy.

flooding my blog of intensity

Isabella Swan: Wait-you say you heard what they were thinking?... So what, you-you read minds.

Edward Cullen: I can read every mind in this room, apart from yours... Just money, sex, money, sex... cat. And then you, nothing. It's very frustrating.

Isabella Swan: Is there something wrong with me?

Edward Cullen: See, I tell you I can read minds, and you think there's something wrong with you.

christmas shopping

christmas shopping with zx

outside taka

we decided to act touristy too

lights along orchard road, supposedly not as nice as last yr's, but honestly i cant remember how last yr's ones look like.

big christmas tree outside paragon, think it's one of the nicest xmas tree around, besides the one at taka.