10 bucks

i'm miffed. i'm not rich, but honestly i'm not desperate for money either. and sure, 10 bucks can buy me a big macs and a happy meal, but it's definitely not an astronomical amount of money. so look, money isnt the issue here, it's xin yong. it's something that we have agreed on long ago, and you should jolly well honour it! i'm already charging peanuts, so how can i compromise to a lower sum of money?? it just doesnt make sense!

and hell..i had to drag myself out of bed so early in the morning, and you tell me you only want an hour of tuition midway through it. again..how does that justify my efforts, if the travelling time is equivalent to the working time, and yet the amount earned is so insignificant? i'm not an unreasonable person.....you just got to let me know earlier, so i can plan my day better.

sigh. heck it. this is so not worth the risk of a wrinkle.

and yes..it's about time i preserve some dignity for myself.

you dont understand

sigh, no wonder they say men are from mars, and women from venus. sometimes, we just simply DONT understand each other! like two parallel lines, trailing off into the universe in different directions, at different frequencies, and never meeting. in some situations where a guy fails to understand what i'm trying to get across, i often think that if another girl was listening to the same conversation, she would be able to interpret the intentions loud and clear and correct.

i'm not blaming the guy, i blame it on genetics; blame it on the Y chromosome.

i was just chatting with one of the girls last night. she was telling me how she and her bf quarrelled because he was not supportive of her being in the pageant at all. hmm no, correction, he wasnt unsupportive, he just simply doesnt do anything. no acknowledgment, no words of encouragement, no fetching her from shoots/rehearsals, no attendance at semi finals, no..nothing.

seriously you may not think much of it, and we do not expect you to like it, or pretend that you like it, or even pretend you're interested when you really are yawning your head off... i guess all she wanted was appreciation of what she is doing, some form of support..any form..just simply because it involves her and you love her. she just wants to know that you care... and when you act ignorant about it..sigh..it hurts i guess.

just like simple things such as remembering anniversaries, birthdays, schedules...i know some guys are terribly lousy with this sort of thing. not that these days are especially significant and are deserving of fireworks and champagne popping celebrations, but it just a means of showing that you actually bothered and made the effort to commit something about us to memory.

i hate it when.."what are you doing today?","...didnt i tell you i was going to do XXX today?", "oh you did?","....yes i did...i told you like 20 times yesterday."...

to prevent any form of "are you talking about mee??" from arising after this post is published, let me clarity first that i'm not referring to any current situation of mine...hmmmm....

hehe. random thoughts on a rainy late afternoon. the rain came at a good time. i'm starting to feel the heat of exams. i suddenly realised i've so much to study, so much that i dont understand, and so little time...my brain is exploooodddinnggg!!! *kaa boooom*

superwoman

sigh, you know what, cliche as it might sound, money simply does not buy you everything. money cant buy respect, it has to be earned. money cant buy love...real, genuine love. money cant buy loyalty either, can it? i despise those who think that just because they're filthy rich, they can get anything they want.

went to oosh last night after rehearsal, since all the msu girls got invites from the owner for the official launch. the minute i stepped in, i was swarmed by ant, fiona n co, and was literally dragged away by this other guy in his lambor to zouk. ok cool, so you have a nice car, but you cant remember my name. ok forgiven too, cos you were 3/4 drunk, i should be relieved that i managed to reach zouk safely in one piece.

oosh invite

on a second note, though the lambor is undoubtedly a very pretty car, and one might even feel a tinge of glam-ness getting to ride in one, it is nonetheless for a fact a tad inconvenient to board and alight for girls in mini skirts. haha.

yy and angie joined me later, and it was pretty fun chilling out with the girls. i have finally found some tong lei in the group. i guess all of us needed a break.

drinking last night was highly moderated, therefore i suffer minimal repercussions today. i actually just drank water for a while, like real plain water... but my resolve lasted for barely a while, before i succumbed to the allure of the cordon bleu and chivas beckoning me to drink them!

test at 4pm. rehearsals, tests, exams, work, partying...i'm yiming, the superwoman! (my fooot!)

all of us in iweekly!

aged a hundred yrs

i cant believe this!! lenny just said i looked very haggard, and i looked like i havent slept for hundreds of years!! oh mann....okok wake up call for me to sleep well and eat well from now onwards. no more late night partying (hmm....), no more alcohol (hmmm.....)... just study and msu rehearsals. if not by the time the pageant is here, i think i'll look like i'm half dead already.

sigh no more life. okie gonna go give tuition liao. S-I-A-N.

sleepy

ant told me to post something happier instead of all those depressing ones from previous days. but honestly, the only word that i can think of now is fatigue. hah. and of course my test tmr. and what's wrong with the people around me?

they're showing the trailer of us during the semi finals on tv now, in between shows. i havent had the chance to watch it yet, but i hope i look fine.. saw the ad on us in 8 days, alamak i dont really look like myself. didnt like it.

the pageant journey is getting more intensive with each passing day. i need confidence. there are people who believes in me, so i have to look inside myself and tell myself i can do it too.

yawns, sleepy sleepy.

friendsy

sigh, remind me never ever to get drunk again.

anyway was out with some of my bestest friends, zixuan and andre teo. it has been a while since we met, so it was good just chilling out and catching up on each other's lives. :)

me and zx at starbucks..kawaii ne!

acting camera shy ah...
stupid andre is super act cute

my turn to act cute haha

come what may

doing away with the depressing posts i've written for the past few days. let's see what my schedule is like next week..

rehearsals every night 7pm-11pm, except for tues, but i'll be giving tuition. full day for the weekend. tests on tues and thurs and 1 proj due tmr. absolutely fabulous.

as i've told a number of my friends, i cant wait for may to come.

for now, i need to study.

it's an abyss; it's sucking me in, and i'm sinking, deeper and deeper.

i'm sprinting, can you catch up with me?

intoxicated

some random pics taken over the week.

at the kl airport.

getting my hair done for the video shoot. the hairstylists are always complaining that my hair is flat.

videoshooting at oosh.

me and eunice at msu spa party. it's not a party exactly, we were given different treatment each and they did some filming. you'll probably see us on the citispa ad when it's out.

xue mei, celest and me

at chris's office bar, trying out the different cocktails that he created.


at the office next to chris's. many many monitors.

was out partying quite a fair bit recently. i think i should abstain from alcohol for a while, at least till the pageant is over. it's intoxicating, and i feel myself losing my soul.. it seems there's some hole in my heart that i'm trying to fill...i dont know how to, so i drink myself silly hoping it'll miraculously patch up the wound.

i really dont know what to do...:( is there any other way out?

back to reality

just came back from kl. it was a good trip. didnt buy much though surprisingly, guess i'm too picky and the stuff there arent up to my standard haha, and i didnt want to buy stuff from topshop/zara/guess, stuff that i can easily get in singapore as well. was out partying last night and i'm just sooooooooo super duper duper tired now.

i really wish i didnt have to come back, come back to life. there are so many things waiting to be done. sigh.

fly me away

it's raining hippos and rhinos outside.

let me run in the meandering rivers;
let me fall on the mountains and the greens;
let me glide through the breeze;
let me fly...fly me away...


life isn't all that bad for me now, it might even seem good from some's perspectives; but why do i keep wanting to run away?

crazy partying

i had a really really long saturday. gave tuition in the morning, then head down to far east to get some essential stuff for work later on and then rushed down to mediacorp for voice training. the entire morning was spent rushing from place to place. it's times like that i wish i have a car. the hours i would save from travelling if i have a car! after training i rushed down again for work at club street. it was boring boring boring.....but what to do, money doesnt drop down from the sky. thank god desmond came and entertained me for a while. thanks guy! appreciated.:)

work ended around midnight, thereafter i met up with alvin at zouk. that had to be the best part of the day! for once i could let my hair down, partied hard and not care about having to wake up early the next morning. we met up with adeline, whose husband is the owner of zouk! cool eh..she is one crazy woman man...but also plenty of good fun. we downed glasses after glasses of brandy, at least they did la, at an amazing speed. i was slowly sipping and taking my time haha. but it was the champagne we had after the brandy that really pushed us over the cliff. after we have had enough alcohol in our systems, we went to phuture. adeline and i started dancing on top of the dj console. it was crazzzzy and damn fun! she is a fantastic clubbing partner. alvin was shy so he stayed below and watched us haha. :)

cars and cars along club street

some of the girls are feeling rather affected by the nasty comments made by those bo liao people on some forums. i'm pretty much indifferent to those remarks, after all i've had experience already haha. those ignorant idiots..they have no idea how much it takes to be part of this show. it's easy to hide behind a monitor and criticize.. they think it's so easy huh! wait till they're in our shoes! i see how they'll manage.. bahz.

on another note, i'm feeling inadequate. :( i'm feeling lousy about myself. do you mind if i'm not a very bright person?

i realised i'm not a very expressive person. too many times i keep too many things inside myself. it doesnt mean i'm not thinking; it just means i'm not telling YOU what i'm thinking. i know it's not a good thing, because sometimes people need to know how i feel about things. but that's just me, i dont have the habit of voicing out my thoughts all the time...not that i'm fond of playing mind games. i dont!

and oh yes, this might be a bit late, to my bestie, miss jasmine sia shangjie: HAPPY 22ND BIRTHDAY!

we were at st james on fri night to celebrate. i swear that place is freaking crowded. it's irritating having to exit and queue outside again when we want to enter another room. we waited damn long to enter dragonfly. after a while it was just too exasperating so we left. the whole place is connected, why cant they just let us use the internal entrances??

best friends forever yeah!

i know life hasnt exactly been a bed of roses for you so far, but you got to be strong ya! must believe in yourself, that you'll be able to conquer whatever obstacles that life has in store for you. happy birthday girl!

the cannery

sheesh! i didnt know i had a CA yesterday and so i didnt do! ... sigh. anyway the fatigue is really getting to me. yesterday's video shoot was held at cafe del mar. the weather wasnt kind to us, it started pouring in the afternoon so we couldnt start shooting. wasted close to 4 hours just doing nothing, slacking around, praying for the sun to come out. there were even plans to shoot on another day...i was like NO WAY MAN! no way am i going to wake up at 6am again! hahah fortunately the weather cleared at around 3pm. thereby the shooting started and ended at 6pm. chop chop finish. haiya dont know how mine will turn out also...oh well...

met alvin for dinner after that. we ate at this japanese restaurant at meridien shopping centre, called yaki-sth-sth. quoting him, the japanese food there is 'the best in the world' that he has ever tasted. hahaha okok it was yummy, but good food is often wasted on me, since my taste buds cant differentiate between VERY VERY good food and just..well..GOOD food. we kind of have to cook the meat ourselves and poor him had to do most of the work because..urps..basically yours truly cannot cook for nuts. still, it was enjoyable. :)

we went on to have wine at alleybar and then i made my first trip to cannery. a bit suaku la, havent been there since it opened. was pleasantly surprised to see how clarke quay has transformed into. so many small, cutesy pubs..kandi bar, fashion bar, clinic, highlander, 1969...blah blah.

we went into clinic for a while. the cover charge was $20 and we got 2 free drinks each, so i guess that was reasonable. i was a little disappointed because the place wasnt very clinicy, as what i have expected from reviews on the newspaper. besides the fact that the different rooms were named after biological terms like amino, and morphine, which reminds me terribly of the modules i'm taking currently (not sure whether that's a good thing or not), there wasnt anything else special about it. the usual blasting loud music (there wasnt even r&b), normal bars..ohoh but the waiters and bartenders were dressed up like medical workers..but aiya, they should wear lab coats to look more realistic, and the waitresses should wear hot nurse uniforms hhaa. at least now i can tell people i've been there. after the less than satisfied stay in clinic, we decided to take another walk around and ventured into highlander, where there was a live band of 2 playing. well not too bad, but walas is better.




actually, after a while, i realised all the pubs are the same. the decor and theme might be different, the music they play might be different, but all in all, they are all the similar, if you know what i mean. more often than not, it's the company that matters, dont you think so?

alrighty got to go, finally going to my first class in a few days. tata~

tirreed

i'm terribly tired now. slept at around 3am last night and had to wake up at 6am this morning as i had to reach mediacorp by 7am. we spent an entire day at the studio having our photos taken. yeah believe it or not it takes hours just to have a couple of pictures taken for each of us. the actual time spent in front of the camera is insignificant as compared to the time taken to do hair and makeup and just waiting around. it's actually not very tiring, or rather it shouldnt be very tiring. logically it doesnt take that much energy to sit around and be fussed around or pose and smile, but i'm draiiinned really. blame it on the late night yesterday.

and i just dont feel like doing anything now. i hope this situation improves, because if this continues, i'll fail my exams! haha.

speaking of which, tomorrow is another 7am to 6pm filming. my group is going cafe del mar. cool! one of my fav places. :)

i wanna sleep sleep sleeeep.

pictures

some pictures from the semi finals!

this was on the wan bao i think. the grand opening of the new citispa branch at amk hub, held on 18th march. hahah dun think you'll be able to spot me.

semis was held last sat, 24th march at oosh, dempsey road.

the semi finalists


after the finalists were announced, the press conference was held.


me and my new number, no. 6!

and this is another new attempt at drawing by my bfff~~



haha not bad ah...but again the mouth looks a little strange hehe.

yupyup and life goes on....

msu 2007

officially announcing i'm a finalist of miss singapore universe 2007. semis was held today, but i didnt really tell anyone cos i thought it was no big deal, until i reach the final at least. it's gonna be a hectic ride ahead, practices everyday till the 22nd of april, which is the day after my first exam paper. fantastic..will just cope with it the way i can, cos this is a one in a lifetime experience, and i dont wanna miss it.

more the next time. superbly fatigued now,

a slave to work

too many people around me are working too hard. slogging day in and day out, into the wee hours of the morning, and for what? for a car? for an apartment? for their non-existent wives? for their kids and their future education? the driving force is often the idea of a better future, and sometimes, it appears to be merely an unexplainable dedication to their passion.

i cant decide. is it worth it to be a slave to your work? pursuing a career, aiming for a pay rise, making money for someone else...all the time and efforts one put in, all the stress that one undergoes for something that is fundamentally 'none of his business'..is it worth it? wouldnt it seem more logical to slave for the things that truly matter, like..YOURSELF. you know like..spending time with your loved ones, going on holidays, actually having FUN.. ok but how are we supposed to do that if we have no money..hmm okok we are back at the starting point again, one has to got to work hard to achieve all that right. life can be so practical and sad sometimes.

to all my old old friends who are tooo busy working and flying all over the place to enjoy life...GET A LIFE MAN! haha..hope you find someone to treasure and share the woes of the world with you soon.

"i would rather find someone who shares a different passion, so that she can share her world with me." aw, i thought this was awfully sweet.

my sweetest pressie

my dearie drew a picture of me...SO SWEET of you! thank you dearie..




haha although the mouth and eyes look a little strange, but all in all, the girl in this picture does have my 'sey' right? from far the pic really looks like me. hehe..

life science

today was truly an enriching experience. whether or not my journey will continue after next week, today would be always be a memorable day. i'm glad i had the courage to begin this route.

it is a journey of self-discovery; the true essence of it all is delving deep within yourself to discover who you really are.

it's the essence of being a woman; finding the voice of the woman that defines you, an unique individual.

what really struck me was what rebecca said to me personally, "in life, we make wrong choices sometimes. it's ok..really, it's perfectly ok.. you never know what life has in store for you. what you deem as a problem, or a hurdle, may very well be your gift...and that's the beauty of life."

life is life science; life science is life. she is the first person to have made me feel proud that i'm a life science student. hah!

i need an energy recharge

feeling a little low on energy level these days. sometimes i just feel like running away from it all. you know, go to somewhere no one knows who i am, somewhere i can just lead a happy and simple life and not have to think about the THINGS in life.

ah, sigh, no matter how rotten the eggs are, i'll live through.

anyway was passing by the project angel 9 booth and saw that they were selling nalgene bottles and other ornaments to raise funds for their trip to Myanmar! that really brought back memories of me and the rest of pa7 people and how we were washing cars under the hot sun and selling the very same things during bazaars at this time last year. it appealed so much to my generouuuusss heart that i bought...

..two very pretty (but quite useless) items! a jewellery box, which also has a mirror inside, and a candle holder/lamp! nice eh...hehee...i'm still wondering what i should with them haha.

and then last night, me and the girls helped out at an event by chris's company. was pretty fun.

chris, lenny, me, alison and charles. as for the 2 angmohs behind..i've no idea who they are..they just joined in! hahaha. they are really very funny people.

me and alison on leslie's megane convertible, enjoying the wind running through our hair.

we popped by st james for some drinks before heading home. here, me and alison were at the bellini bar and the drinks are their trademark drinks called, bellini as well. they tasted gooood! a little like..ice blended mango? haha definitely a lady's drink.

also watched 300 on wed. "for honour! for sparta!" i loveedd it. it was like a beautiful piece of moving artwork. and all the men in the movie had really yummy bodies haha, solid 8 packs!

and that's all for now folks.