the past

today, my past caught up with me.

when i first heard such accusations made upon myself, my immediate reaction was anger - red, burning flames that got me speechless. why can't people just mind their own business? why do they have so much to say about my life?? but the answer is obvious isnt it. all of us love to gossip, boys and girls alike. and i have given people much to gossip about me. the annoying thing is truth often gets distorted as words passed on from ear to ear. they are misinterpreted, exaggerated and reinvented. which also explains why we have the game 'broken telephone' (or is it called broken telephone line?)...and also how the movie 'atonement' came about, Briony misunderstanding the actions of cecilia and robbie, resulting in a mistake that changed lives forever...

ok my story is nowhere so dramatic, but you get the idea.

on deeper contemplation, i know i have no one to blame but myself. i was no angel. whatever that was said, there was probably some degree of truth in them. i could even be what they have accused me of, but being slightly self-delusional, i had always look upon such comments as if i am a third party. i have failed to acknowledge the fact that what they're describing is me, that i AM what they've described me to be. since i have never acknowledged it, obviously when i hear such comment passed about myself, my natural reaction is denial. and therefore again, i have always been able to shrug everything away without much difficulty.

anyway all the happenings felt so long ago. i would like to think that i am different now...

i was crazy, because life for me was a sky shrouded with uncertainty and grey clouds. i was walking in a mist, but i'm now trying very hard to clear the clouds and find my path of light. mind you, i'm still trying....

sorry to put you through all that.