you'll figure it out

it's monday again, the beginning of a new week, another week of more bumming around, less partying probably, the first few days of august..except that i'm leaving this friday for new york. to another new country, a month long holiday. when i told people about my trip, the usual reactions i get are those of envy, or "wa you so rich ah'" or, "you really know how to enjoy life huh!". and i always say, it's really a matter of choice, or courage even, to step out and do something different from everyone else. i believe most of my peers should already have started working already. sometimes i wonder whether i have made the right choice, but i always end up convincing myself that there isnt a right or wrong choice; whatever i want, is right.

and the notion of happiness continues to baffle me. especially these days, as most see it, that i've been bumming around. but in the meantime, i've met a lot of people, and spoken to a lot of people, from all walks of life, at different stages of their lives. some have long gone past the confusing years of trying to find their niches, been there done that...and the older people always tell me "oh yes i've been there before, dont worry, it's perfectly alright...you'll figure it out." but really, it's tough to imagine the brilliance of sunlight when you're standing beneath the pouring rain.

others are just at the start line. what is that i see on their faces? doubts, excitement, anticipation...? i just heard from a friend that one of our common friends landed herself a job with the starting pay of $8k. yet when i heard it, it wasnt envy that i felt..it was..confusion. back to the notion of happiness... would earning a hell lot of money, being able to afford lovely branded suits and bags, drives a big car, being the envy of all your friends.......bring one happiness? of course she probably have to work her ass off and sprout a few strands of grey hairs, but hey, she has got money manz, and in this era, in singapore, it seems to be what everyone is thinking about.

on the other end of the spectrum, take the example of a waitress in a restaurant. her job is of no envy, it might be even be looked down on by her peers. she isnt earning big bucks, but of reasonable amounts. however her job is flexible, she gets to take leave anytime she wants to. her job is stress free. she has loads of time to hang out with her friends and do shopping. in terms of the quality of life, she probably has it better than the former. in terms of monetary values, and status quo, yes obviously she is of no match.

sigh, look, i'm probably not making much sense here, am i. i'm just trying to figure it all out.

was watching the firm lost in translation again. the first time i caught it in the cinema a few years ago, i found it boring, senseless even. i was younger then. now after watching it again, i understood why it was nominated for so many awards. it's really a firm about life, and the friendship of two strangers bonded by psychological and emotional needs, and the common thirst of finding answers to the banality of their lives. how good you find this show is, depends on how much you've thought about life itself. i can relate to charlotte, the new wedded wife of a photographer, just graduated with a degree of philosophy, yet whose soul is 'lost and adrift'. She doesn't know who she is, doesn't know what she wants. Her life is a quest for authenticity of self.

lost in translation. how do you 'translate' what life is?