you'll figure it out

it's monday again, the beginning of a new week, another week of more bumming around, less partying probably, the first few days of august..except that i'm leaving this friday for new york. to another new country, a month long holiday. when i told people about my trip, the usual reactions i get are those of envy, or "wa you so rich ah'" or, "you really know how to enjoy life huh!". and i always say, it's really a matter of choice, or courage even, to step out and do something different from everyone else. i believe most of my peers should already have started working already. sometimes i wonder whether i have made the right choice, but i always end up convincing myself that there isnt a right or wrong choice; whatever i want, is right.

and the notion of happiness continues to baffle me. especially these days, as most see it, that i've been bumming around. but in the meantime, i've met a lot of people, and spoken to a lot of people, from all walks of life, at different stages of their lives. some have long gone past the confusing years of trying to find their niches, been there done that...and the older people always tell me "oh yes i've been there before, dont worry, it's perfectly alright...you'll figure it out." but really, it's tough to imagine the brilliance of sunlight when you're standing beneath the pouring rain.

others are just at the start line. what is that i see on their faces? doubts, excitement, anticipation...? i just heard from a friend that one of our common friends landed herself a job with the starting pay of $8k. yet when i heard it, it wasnt envy that i felt..it was..confusion. back to the notion of happiness... would earning a hell lot of money, being able to afford lovely branded suits and bags, drives a big car, being the envy of all your friends.......bring one happiness? of course she probably have to work her ass off and sprout a few strands of grey hairs, but hey, she has got money manz, and in this era, in singapore, it seems to be what everyone is thinking about.

on the other end of the spectrum, take the example of a waitress in a restaurant. her job is of no envy, it might be even be looked down on by her peers. she isnt earning big bucks, but of reasonable amounts. however her job is flexible, she gets to take leave anytime she wants to. her job is stress free. she has loads of time to hang out with her friends and do shopping. in terms of the quality of life, she probably has it better than the former. in terms of monetary values, and status quo, yes obviously she is of no match.

sigh, look, i'm probably not making much sense here, am i. i'm just trying to figure it all out.

was watching the firm lost in translation again. the first time i caught it in the cinema a few years ago, i found it boring, senseless even. i was younger then. now after watching it again, i understood why it was nominated for so many awards. it's really a firm about life, and the friendship of two strangers bonded by psychological and emotional needs, and the common thirst of finding answers to the banality of their lives. how good you find this show is, depends on how much you've thought about life itself. i can relate to charlotte, the new wedded wife of a photographer, just graduated with a degree of philosophy, yet whose soul is 'lost and adrift'. She doesn't know who she is, doesn't know what she wants. Her life is a quest for authenticity of self.

lost in translation. how do you 'translate' what life is?

this has to be the worst hangover i've ever had. feeling like shit now.

you know you've had too much to drink the night before, if your mouth still smells of cordon bleu after brushing your teeth.

life

some snapshots of whatever i've been doing for the past week.

this was taken quite some time ago, during a bridal fashion show i did. found on my agency's website yesterday.

zouk fashion show last fri

the stage

silvered face, zen like hair, robotic movement, crisp black and white attire - the complete zombie-like package

wed was spent getting wasted at zouk and phuture.

whosgoing party at mos on thurs

clubbing gang: zx, lawrence, david, kenneth, yy. we were initially chilling out at the sky lounge but it wasnt quite as interesting i would have liked it to be. after which we proceeded to the main arena for some light drinks and dance. that was when i discovered that the podium underneath the disco ball is a movable disc! ok cool.. still had fun in the end nonethless.

drunk when the night was still young

the ambiguity: the green, yellow and red light stick girl, namely meaning i'm single, it's complicated and 'stay away from me!'

Buddha tooth relic temple

paid a visit to the temple after having lunch at the maxwell market. there has been much brouhaha over the authenticity of the tooth recently in the newspaper. eh i didnt even get a glimpse of it when i was in the temple..

temple is extremely modernised and too tourist-catered for my liking. it's air-conditioned, has lift bringing you up to the upper levels and has minimal joss stick smell. has a nice exhibition hall illustrating the life story of buddha and how his enlightenment came about. i would have enjoyed it more if i wasnt so sleepy from last night's clubbing. still, it was worth the visit i supposed. made me feel like tourist, and reminded me of the times me and jas were temple hopping in bangkok.

rows of candle lights, reminds me of those in notre-dame in paris

bless you

M bar last night

staying briefly at M bar with jenny and lawrence. used to be the previous liquid room and it was swarmed with spgs and ang mohs. not sure what kind of music you would call what the disco was playing, sort of like a mixture between hip hop and house. with the rest of the oil traders' gang, we got high on champagne, gulping the sour drink glass after glass like water. yeeks, i love champagne, but that's certainly not the way to drink it.



6 more days.

would you share half my burden with me, so that i can be happier?

jaded

floods in britain;
landslides in indonesia;
HIV cases going up;
south koreans held hostages by talebans.

often when you feel that your world is crashing down, just pick up the nearest newspaper you have, and then you'll realise that your problems pale in comparison to those existing in the REAL world.

we're indeed blessed.

time to get back everything together.

i might regret, but i know i'm only doing the right thing.

pls understand..

i want to dial the 8 digits that i've grown to be so familiar with, but i'm afraid i'll only be doing more harm than good.

grief.

i'm not sure which is worse; music or the silence.

what have i done?

it broke my heart to see the cascade of tears, but like i've said, if i dont trust myself, how can i expect you to trust me?

if i cant even figure myself out, am i not doing more harm than good?

perhaps giving up is the best thing i can do for you.

i'm a messed up person.

i cant live with myself.

feeling extremely fatigued now. lying on the bed, and enjoying a moment of peace with myself. it has been a long week... eyes are closing...............

the living dead

been feeling very unwell for the past week. i havent been sick for a long time. it started with a runny nose and now i'm down with cough and a sore throat too. sigh... when am i going be well again?? this is irritating me..

thanks to my cousin, i managed to get myself a temp job from mon to thurs next week. supposed to be working at the toni and guy's academy as a english-chinese translator. i think i'll be attached to a taiwanese student and translate whatever the trainer is saying. not sure how it's done yet...but it sounds pretty fun haha.

was at swiss hotel yesterday with jen and lawrence. she was soo lucky to get the 61st floor and we were even luckier to get one with a harbour view when the ndp rehearsal was ongoing.

the harbour view






fireworks! wasnt impressed with this year's firework display.

decadence

i'm in need of a lifestyle reversal.

dying of excessive poison consumption. guess what the sacred poison is?

coming home everyday when the sun has risen and the birds are chirping just doesnt seem the right way to lead my life.

the only positive thing.....i avoid the exorbitant midnight surcharge of cabbies.

i fear i'm going age fast.....

over the weekend

somewhere over the weekend...

alcohol consumption was high...was at BEDS, this ktv pub at ms, followed by dragonfly. i love this smoking ban. up for healthy clubbing! dragonfly was good, i love the live band, but the place was so crowded......crowded places are really getting on my nerves these days. i just wanted to blend into the wall so that i wont have to suffer from the jostling drunkards.


me and bestie having our grad photos taken at botanical gardens on a unbearably hot and sunny sunday morning! it's better than having rain i guess...


just a few now, the rest have yet to come. it was fun! :)

am suffering from a runny nose last night, which has fortunately cleared by now after a night's rest. terrible feeling to be sick..i attribute the cause of this to the lack of rest!

and presenting my fav song at the moment...

我怀念的 by 孙燕姿

我问为什么
那女孩传简讯给我
而你为什么
不解释低着头沉默
我该相信你很爱我
不愿意敷衍我
还是明白
你已不想挽回什么

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕
真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁记得
谁忘了

想问为什么
我不再是你的快乐
可是为什么
却苦笑说我都懂了
自尊常常将人拖着
把爱都走曲折
假装了解是怕
真相太赤裸裸
狼狈比失去难受

我怀念的是无话不说
我怀念的是一起作梦
我怀念的是争吵以后
还是想要爱你的冲动

我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口
谁忘了

我怀念的是无言感动
我怀念的是绝对炽热
我怀念的是你很激动
求我原谅抱得我都痛

我记得你在背后
也记得我颤抖着
记得感觉汹涌
最美的烟火
最长的相拥
谁爱得太自由
谁过头太远了
谁要走我的心
谁忘了那就是承诺

谁自顾自地走
谁忘了看着我
谁让爱变沉重
谁忘了要给你温柔

我怀念的
我还有想要爱你的冲动
我记得那年生日
也记得那一首歌
记得那片星空
最紧的右手
最暖的胸口

我放手
我让座
假洒脱
谁懂我多么不舍得

太爱了
所以我
没有哭
没有说

sigh.

sentosa delights

was working at a function last night at sentosa, sapphire pavilion. nomura asia equities forum, and as expected, the whole place was swarmed with bankers from all over the world..japanese, hongkongers, taiwanese, states...you name it... well well, not surprising that these guys are also pretty old, mostly in their mid thirties to forties.

our job was very simple. basically the entire time, we just walked around, drink wine, and mingle. it didnt even matter if we talk rubbish, you can tell when one of the girls walked past a man and his eyes lit up, because we were like fresh grass in the desert. we stood out in our hawaiian dressing.

anyway it was fun. i got to meet a number of interesting people! this guy who was supposedly in my sister og for the nus sports camp that i attended when i was in yr 1. wow! amazing that he still remembered me...but i really cant recall.. didnt help that he was bald now. another man from texas who studied mandarin in college, stayed in taiwan for a while, now working in hk, and in sg just for the forum. these people all have complicated travelling history. another canadian-taiwanese who was brought up in canada, but got his degree in havard, and worked in taiwan, japan and now in sg. aiyo.

they were all very nice people..one common conversational topic was,'what are you doing now?' and obviously i had to go on and on about oh just graduated, bumming ard cos i'm going states in aug, not sure what i want blah blah..and they all offered me advice...and all said it's okayy......it's okay to bum around! hahah..maybe they're just trying to make me feel better.

it was a nice event. the fireworks at the end was nice. it was weird that no one seemed particularly awed though. are fireworks not a big deal anymore?

sherlyn, feliza, me and yin


me and sherlyn

are you my constant or my variable?

sometimes we just got to accept the fact that there are some people we meet in life that are meant only to be passer bys, aka our variables.

whereas, others are meant to be kept for life..our constants.

just rambling on a rainy thurs morning.

the graduation

i've graduated!

just ended my grad ceremony about an hour plus ago. a boring ritual that almost had me drifting off to sleep, nonetheless essential..to mark the end of our 3/4/5/10 years in NUS.

so they say,"WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD!"

in attendance: my darling mama and papa, my all time good pals ck and ant, my poor lab partner liting who has been abused/exploited by me over the 3 years, maoyuan and jason my erm pseudo squash mates in sci. the rest of the crew are deemed missing in the sea of dark blue gowns and mortar boards!

my greatest regret for this ceremony:
the absence of...
1. my dearest
2. my bestie
3. my dear old partner, terence: i honestly wished we could have graduated together. oh well..you're missed!

as the speaker preached on during the ceremony, i experienced flashbacks of the 3 years i spent in nus. arriving at eusoff hall for the first time and having my room D310..meeting my partner for the first time in macs, thinking he looked like an ang moh only to find out he's really more like an ah beng..all the sci pageant practices..late night milo pengs at fong seng, playing squash in eusoff, doing car washes for DP, dressing up as a nurse for DP, meeting my darling for the first time in the DECK, ck and ter coming in late and buying spinelli for me, night spent at sheares hall blasting amino acid sequences!! camping in the central library tutorial room studying, meeting the PA 7 for the first time in the sci room, space....why is it now, that i'm deriving joy from the most mundane things that we've done?

and as the years progress, my memories in school thin as i stop going to school as often..haha..

moving on...

i just booked my tics to the states.

ITINERARY

Departing:	Singapore(SIN - Changi Intl) on Fri, 03 Aug 2007, 2350 hrs
Arriving:	Frankfurt(FRA - Rhein Main) on Sat, 04 Aug 2007, 0630 hrs
Flight:	SQ26 (B747-400) Economy Class
Departing:	Frankfurt(FRA - Rhein Main) on Sat, 04 Aug 2007, 0830 hrs
Arriving:	New York(NYC - NYC) on Sat, 04 Aug 2007, 1050 hrs
Flight:	SQ26 (B747-400) Economy Class
Departing:	New York(NYC - NYC) on Mon, 03 Sep 2007, 2120 hrs
Arriving:	Frankfurt(FRA - Rhein Main) on Tue, 04 Sep 2007, 1115 hrs
Flight:	SQ25 (B747-400) Economy Class
Departing:	Frankfurt(FRA - Rhein Main) on Tue, 04 Sep 2007, 1235 hrs
Arriving:	Singapore(SIN - Changi Intl) on Wed, 05 Sep 2007, 0630 hrs
Flight:	SQ25 (B747-400) Economy Class

tay yiming is one very poor girl now!!! looking at my bank acc makes me sad. :(