my bad

sometimes things just get harder when you're alone. i've been forcing myself not to read my life backwards..time only moves ahead, so just flow along..look in front and progress. i've made many mistakes in my life. this time i see it clearly, black and white. i realised that previous times when i said i've seen the light, i didnt actually.. i just thought i had. i never meant for a lot of things to happen, but my ignorance, my stubborness, my immaturity only caused me a lesson learnt painfully, in the expense of myself..and even more so in the expense of others.. i'm sorry. i'm dreadfully, terribly, impossibly sorry. hard to spare one moment without feeling the pangs of gulit built up in my heart. unless, if only, i cease to think. i selfishly pretend that i'm momentarily suffering from amnesia.