the perfect life

i wonder how it's like, to seem like one is leading the perfect life

just came back from dinner/dessert with the vj boys, gw and terence. gw really does seem to be leading THE perfect life! i can be sure i'm safe writing these cos he just mentioned he doesnt read blogs haha. he is a practising doc, albeit still a relatively new one. he just got engaged recently and is holding his wedding this coming nov. no money woes, no love woes...what more can you ask for in life?

i tried to recall a time in my life when everything seemed perfect. i'm sure there has been a time when an outsider would look into the window and could find nothing wrong. but the fact is, there is always something wrong.

peer into the window a house and see a happy family enjoying your dinner. but who knows what really goes on inside this house?

perhaps the father just got retrenched, the mum has cervical cancer, the dog just died, the sister lost a million bucks in stocks.....ok that's painting the worst case scenario. what i'm trying to say is that you never really know unless you're part of it. and even when you're really part of it, you may not really know because everyone has a part of their lives they do not wish to share with anyone else.

sometimes it could be as minor as the nitty-gritties in life that add up and continue to irk you. like a colleague at work with an annoying high pitched voice that you cant stand working with; or just the mundaneness of the life; or one day you wake up and realise you dont know what the hell you're doing and you dont know what you're doing will get you to...

sigh sigh.

i'm at a crossroad of my life. whatever decision i choose to make now will affect the rest of my life. there is so much uncertainty, so much instability. i'm seeking advice, but yet i was told i should trust my own instincts. i'm a little lost, i'm a little confused. what's right? what is wrong? what will work? what will not? should i trust myself, or should i believe in the experienced?

i'm so vexed, that i think i'm close to giving in to the convention. stability, is something i long for now.