am finally home. was a little afraid that the peace and quiet of this 4 walled room would close in and engulf me, but i guess i would grow to get accustomed to it. i believe it's what i really need now.
ever wonder whether a happy affair is still a happy affair when it occurs at precisely the wrong time? and it's precisely the wrong timing that caused the so called happy affair to be unable to be carried out. like getting a fantastic scholarship to study abroad, but knowing you cant take it because your mum is terribly ill. like scoring perfect scores for A levels but knowing you cant go on to university anyway cos your family is unable to support you through.
so doesnt the happy affair ceased to be something happy already, for the inability to follow through is a tragedy in itself that has sucked all happiness out of it.
it becomes pointless. it's perhaps better if it has never existed in the first place. because for that fleeting moment that it has brought about a flicker of hope, it leaves behind an even more palpable trace of regret and disappointment.
pardon me for my pessimistic post, which actually shouldnt come as a surprise; it's afterall consistent with my series of posts for the past month that has continued to exude melancholy.
recent spate of events have smacked some sense of reality into my face, and forced me to grow up more more than i wish i would. physically, i have recovered from my illness. my body is starting to feel like my body again. but emotionally, i'm drained.
as fragile as an egg, he said, that will crack on the first touch.
some peace and quiet would be good.
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