my personality

not sure what this post is gonna be about..but i just feel like blogging right now. this is one of the rare nights that i'm actually at home..time to myself, you can call it. they always say you need some time for yourself, regardless of how hectic your life is, you always need time to slow down and enjoy some therapeutic peace. nah..i dont want time..i feel lonely when i have time...:( esp at nights.

i'm a sucker for romance. throw in some candles, wine and sentimental love songs, and i'm hooked.

tried the myers-brigg personality test today. initially i thought myself to be a INFP - introvert, intuitive, feeling, perceiving. however to my surprise, the results showed otherwise, i am a ESFP. i dont really believe it, so i tried the test again, and once again, i obtained the same results. since when did i change from a IN to a ES?? honestly i dont think i'm an extrovert. i can be quiet, reserved, distant..and getting me to open up can be quite a challenge. on the other hand, i can be suppperr friendly and talkative. i'm an ambiguous person. different environment calls for different personalities. besides that, the company and my moods for the day also play a role. i was just telling ryan, either i've answered the questions based on what i want myself to be..or i've changed.ok it could be the third reason: the test isnt accurate. haha..but then again, the stuff i've been working at these days require me to be an E. there's a trigger in my brain..when the occasion calls for it, i have to tell myself to release this trigger, and to be the person i need to be.

i admit, i'm finally learning. it's a jungle out there, when you're out there alone, there's no one to help you but yourself. as much as i hate to say this, it's also a men's world out there.. women are extremely vulnerable.

it can get really tiring....being with some people saps my energy. i must be intelligent, brainy, witty, worldly, and try not to act bimbotic, ignorant..young. i must be sophisticated, and not silly. i must be able to carry a conversation, and not let it lapse into awkward silence. i must smile, and not unhappy. i must be poised, composed, confident, and not diffident, unsure and uncomfortable. act like it, and one day you'll be it. when that day comes, life would be easier. guess an indicator of whether i'm really comfortable with you, would be when i'm silly! real silly..and i start being incoherent and stupid and start talking about stuff that obviously hasnt been progressed and filtered through my brain.

clifford once told me i'm a good person. was rather puzzled by this compliment.. again..how do you define whether a person is good or not? is a son who killed the man who murdered his mum a good person? is a father who stole money so he could feed his children a good person? is someone who slept her way to the top a bad person? what are the best criteria to justify a wrong act...