where to go?

zouked last night with sarah and manda. sorry girls! i was trouble, eh? i got my punishment..spent today recuperating at home, trying to get rid of the pukish feeling in my stomach.

me and the girls at vivoctiy last fri..think zhao qi is back at cambridge already..and teresa back in med sch, whereas me and sarah are still enjoying the last few days of our hols.


my 2nd punishment: bruises and some abrasion on the knee

he said i'm trying to protect myself too much. there seemed to be some truth in that. i'm so afraid of failure that i dont have the guts to push myself. i've built a pigeon hole for myself and hide inside, hoping for some survior who would come along, take notice of me and drag me out. but i never thought about having the courage to step out of the hole myself, or at least what i'm doing isnt enough. too laid back he said, the lack of drive is the root of the problem. how many times have i given up?

upgrading, bringing up the value, act it to be it, sacrifices...honestly it was all a little too much for me to handle. so many questions but no answers, so many doubts, so much uncertainty, so..directionless...just how on earth do i begin on something i cant see the end to?

get a grip, girl.

my results disappointed my parents. cant say i wasnt affected at all, but hey, i understand the logic, you reap what you sow. obviously with the amount of effort i've put in this sem, i deserve those grades. sigh but i didnt mean to let them down. i never thought that studying was for anyone else other than myself. they are MY grades, for MY future. but for the first time today, it came across to me that pershaps before i decide to flunk my exams, i should have given a thought about how they would feel when they see my grades. alrighty, gotta work harder this sem! whether or not i decide to venture into any areas that require my life sci degree in future, i think i owe it to my responsibility as a student to get some decent results. i CAN study, i know i can..

was watching ah wang today. i've made it a routine to watch ah wang on channel 55 every afternoon while munching my lunch, before heading out, or yan zhi shui fen if i wake up earlier. haha..wonder how i'm going to keep up with all these waking up in the late mornings when sch starts. anyway as i was saying, was watching ah wang today, and something that xuan xuan aka little wife said stuck. jian jian dan dan de sheng huo ye shi neng gou heng xin fu de!