just thinking

i realised that i shouldnt judge a person by their professions. engineering is boring, but if you're an engineer, it doesnt mean you're a boring person. research takes up a lot of brain juices, but it doesnt mean that if you're a researcher, you are intellectual..or a science geek. similarly, we usually think of sales people as eloquent and impressionable, but it doesnt mean if you're doing sales, you are the way your job perceives you to be. truly, there is a general perception of how a person of a certain profession is supposed to be like, but that is sterotypical..and not always accurate. in other words, what you do dont make you who you are. you do what you do because of who you are..usually.

there's nothing wrong with being an engineer or researcher, or salesman...as long as you like what you're doing. just be true to yourself..right?

which is exactly what is wrong with me...i'm trying to be what someone who is doing what i'm doing should be. get it? eg: i'm a researcher and i'm pretending to be interested in biology because this is what a researcher should be. i'm trying to be someone else, someone whom i want myself to be perceived as, but not who i really am.

and i'm kind of sick of doing that..i dont wanna pretend to like it when i dont. i dont wanna to be A when i'm really B. i dont wanna do it for C, i wanna do it cos i want to.

but then again, what if what i like to do doesnt bring me the kind of income i want? my manager told me once, there are a lot of things he would rather be doing, but fundamentally, in life, whether you like it or not, everything boils down to the M word. no money, no talk. you need money to get married, to buy a car, to buy house, to eat, to shop.....blah blah. if you're doing something you like, but you dont have money, you wont be entirely happy too. that's his logic, to work hard and earn big bucks now, retire early and do the stuff he wants next time.

which makes sense too eh.

maybe one day i'll find something that can coexist. something i love and that will get me rich also.