as the days go by..

ah, lack of updates these days.. havent really had the time to sit down in front of my and blog..or rather, more correctly to speak, i havent had the inspiration to write..been feeling pretty down recently, though it's not sth that most people would be able to detect. i feel like i'm constantly fighting some kind of internal war inside me..a war with which not even i myself can put a name for the reason to it..a struggle to find some meaning to my life? to find some greater cause for my existance than just day-by-day eating, school and merry making? to find a life that i'm leading my own and not just merely...sleepwalking...

i need some meaning.

oh well, forget it. shhh, dont say anything.

inadequacies. realised i've been rather close mouthed recently. brain malfunction, words just simply refused to come.. my only consolation is: if i am not going to say anything intelligent, perhaps it's a better choice to keep my mouth shut. i am not an unfriendly person. i am not a cold person. it's only a defense mechanism to....to what? i dont know.. it's just me..

oh never mind again. let's go on to something more normal.

weekend was fine. went for mark huang's farewell party on sat night. it was pretty boring at first, since the place was rampant with ac people and i only knew a handful. thankfully there was mahjong to keep me company the whole night. took turns to play with josh. lady luck wasnt on our side. we were on a losing streak the entire night, but oh well..all for the fun of it. :)

sunday night was spent at davis's place. chinese new year celebration. had an enjoyable time. someone couldnt keep his hands off the satay despite the incentive. -_-"..we played a little of 'butt-luck' (blackjack)..and i'm proud to say.....i won....50 cents!! hahaha..ok we started off really small at first. took over andre for a little while when the stake was up to $2 and ermz..oops..lost just a teeny weeny bit more..

may i add..why is the entire world going to melbourne??? why why why??? lu, yes you're there already..and i hope you're doing fine!! :) mark is leaving this sat, josh next mon, and davis in..may?

"pride......it's very common indeed, that human nature is particularly prone to it, and that there are very few of us who do not cherish a feeling of self-complacency on the score of some quality or other, real or imaginary. Vanity and pride are different things, though the words are often used synoimously. a person may be proud without being vain, pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us. " - pride and prejudice, mary bennett.

had time to browse through a few chapters of the book and this paragraph just stuck. i supposed everyone has to have some quantity of pride in ourselves. we humans cannot survive without knowing that we had something, any quality, which is one cut above the rest.