sometimes

celebrated jianhang's birthday last night. had a bbq at ben's place. it was greaat.. it was so much fun.. it's times like this that make me feel glad that i'm in nus.. my og is a nice bunch of people...like really geniunely nice.. i was just thinking... what would have been different if this was an arts orientation group instead of science.. there would probably be smokers in the group, girls who out tonnes of make up, people who club and drink more often, more slackers.. these are people i supposedly associate more with..and whom people will think would fit more into my definition of fun. not entirely untrue..because i do have many friends who are like that. but..sometimes..it feels good just to be in the company of normal people. good boys and girls who arent obsessed with their appearances, who study, who dont club or smoke...who are more guai in a sense. makes me feel that.. you can be normal and happy at the same time. you can be not happening, and yet still happy..

i realised i really do have a lot of friends who smoked. sometimes when one is the odd one out in the group, you would feel that you're wrong, and they are all right.. which i do acknowledged as bullshit.. but sometimes.. just sometimes..i feel this tiniest twinge of..desire to belong, and be part of them. perhaps once upon a time, i would have given in to temptation. but right now..i'm beyond peer pressure. there are things in life which are more important than having to be like them..like upholding my own principles.

i've been pretty detached from hall recently, minding my own affairs, keeping to my own group of friends, trying to put in more efforts in my studies. things are unlike last year, when i stepped in as a freshie. making friends isnt that important to me anymore..neither is being involved in hall activities..is this..being jaded? i dont know.. sometimes, things just lose its significance, as one grows up. perhaps right now, i want something else in life..