There's much hooha on the social media regarding the PSLE results release today. They're popping up in my Newsfeed. I'm guessing that is because somehow the Facebook logarithm shows that I'll be an interested party since I'm a parent.
Many parents are of course saying how anxious they are for their children, even though they feel they SHOULDN'T be feeling that way because they know that PSLE is no big deal and failure at an examination taken at 12 years old does not mean failure for life.
So there are many stories going around about how crappy they/someone they know did in PSLE and still managed to succeed in life. And how those that did well in PSLE are those who are from upper income familes yadah yadah.
Well, can I just share something from the other end of the spectrum?
That's me.
I came from an average income family. (I would say my family is of mid to upper income now but it wasn't the case 20 years ago. My parents spoke purely Mandarin at home, so when I entered primary school, I remembered failing every single English spelling or dictation. I just COULDN'T catch what the teachers were saying fast enough to pen it down. It was rather embarrassing because I ended up at the bottom of the class all the time. Oh did I mention I was from Nanyang Primary School? Yes, it's one of the most prestigious schools in Singapore. Parents will DIE to put their kids in this school. I managed to get in because my mum was an alumni of Nanyang Girls' High. My siblings went to NYPS as well.
Ok back to the story. My English sucked, but I was very kiasu/competitive in nature. I have no idea how I inherited this trait. Why was I the way I was? To digress again, let me cite another incident in my Kindergarten days. I remembered my teacher asking me to recite the date of the day to the class and I cried. Yeah, I cried. 4 year old me cried because my teacher asked me to tell the class what day it was. Why? 4 year old me didn't understand, but 30 year old me now understood. Especially now that I have my own children and I interact with children day in and day out.
Because. I. Lacked. Confidence.
I was afraid.
I can't remember if it was because I didnt know how to, or because I was scared of speaking in front of the class.
But whatever it is, it all boils down to confidence. You have no idea how important that is. I can remember this all through my Sec Sch, JC, and maybe even University Days. I was so afraid of public speaking because I lacked the confidence. It was only when I started working, that I overcome this weakness of mine.
Anyway back to the bad English story. I worked super hard in Primary Sch, Sec Sch and even JC (for GP), so my English improved tremendously. I didn't have much tuition. I was just super kiasu and studied very hard myself. I was like, self-motivated. Weirdo me. I did very well for my PSLE. I got into Raffles Girls' School. I did very well for my O levels, and yes, got into Raffles Junior College. Then I also did pretty well for A levels (despite the ugly B I got for Physics, but the rest were straight As). I wanted to go to Med school, as per 50% of the school population (the other 50% wanted to do law). I met my first stumbling block in my academic career. I contemplated going overseas, but my mum said no, because probably financially they couldn't afford it. I had no idea what I wanted to do, so I took to the most popular choice at the moment, Life Sciences at NUS. Of course I had no problem getting into the course.
It was at University that I completely let loose. I gave up my academic goals. It occurred to me then, SO WHAT IF I DID FANTASTICALLY WELL ALL MY LIFE? I'm still here. What sets me apart from everyone else? Nothing. Maybe it was the age and the hormones at that time too. It's the age that people are trying to find themselves.
My University grades were pathetic. Enough to get me through, but nothing to shout about.
So what I'm trying to say is, so what if I did well in PSLE, O levels and A levels? Really. No big deal. I'm not any more successful. Because in the end, I gave up on myself. I was lost. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life.
Fast forward 8 years after University. Ok, to be honest, I cant say I'm doing too badly now. I'm definitely not one of the high fliers but I'm an entrepreneur. LOL. Entrepreneurs are in another category of our own, are we not?
And now, being a mother of one (soon 2!), priorities have changed. Family comes before all else. Career and money take a backseat.
What do I hope for my children? To be healthy and happy. Can't say I'm not kiasu. Gigi has been to a number of enrichment classes at 2 years old. But I'll never push her to do something she finds miserable. The point is to make her ENJOY what I want her to do.
I'm saying this for now. I'll update again when she gets to the academic and competitive age. LOL.
