weekend before christmas

caught casino royale with dearie on friday. i think we were one of the last ones ; everryone around me seemed to have watched it already. anyway i liked it. read several reviews and there are some people who didnt like this new, more human version of james bond. bond has always been portrayed in his other movies to be invincible, having the ability to emerge miraculously unscathed from all fights, bedding woman after woman..a fantasy like, surreal character. but i never could really appreciate action packed movies..they make me go..yawwwnn.. i like character development, like emotional displays, like scenes that touch me rather than make me go "wah" seeing somebody jump from building to building.

so i like this james bond better. at least it made me felt reaaaalllyyy saddd....when she betrayed him. sigh. no happy ending this time.

celebrated teresa's 21st bday yesterday at chijmes, sun, a japanese restaurant.

the rgs gang. teresa looking pretty pretty in her purple kimono!

camera shy sarah refused to be photographed. prety cool pic eh, zhaoqi was taking a photo of her at the same time, hence the flash caused the effect on the photo.

my lovely beef teppanyaki and sarah's apple with seafood.

met up with tommy after that and as usual we went to a lot of places doing stuff here and there. we watched the holiday and i loveeeddd it. it's sweet, romantic, funny and witty. when i first saw the trailer and saw that jack black was going romantically involved with kate winslet, i was like erm...a bit mismatched isnt it? but without him, the movie would certainly lose a bit of its spice. there was a lot of chemistry between the couples on screen.

some memorable quotes from the show:

"arther abbott: Iris, in the movies, we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason, you're behaving like the best friend. "

"amanda: You know Graham, I just broke up with someone and considering you just showed up and your insanely good-looking and probably won't remember me anyway... I'm thinking we should have sex... If you want..

graham: Is that a trick question? "

"graham: I have the classic male problem of no follow through. Absolutely never remember to call after a date - but as this wasn't a date, I guess I'm off the hook. "

my christmas wants

both are $499.. should i get..

ixus i7 zoom which comes in different colours, a nicer design, 7.1 megapixels but smaller screen?

...ixus 60..which has a larger screen but only 6.0 megapixels?

hmm think in the end i'll go for the former.

i want my dream phone: nokia 8800!

i also want my dresses from warehouse and forever 21..my heels from novo and aldo, comestics from mac, a big bag and a handbag..i think i could easily spend up to a thousand bucks if i were to buy everything i want...money, money, money..cant do without it..

feeling not so good

i used to think that i'll jump if i'm given the chance to go abroad to study or to work. on second thoughts, being alone in a foreign country may not seem such an attractive notion. i simply cannot stand being alone, or rather, being borrreed.

today was a not so wonderful day.

there are times when i feel i'm way up there, amongst the glittering stars, the CEOs, the minister, the senior executives, the reporters...i get lost amidst the rich and the famous and the good lookings..

and then when it has all drawn to an end, i need to pull myself back, and tell myself that this is earth; this is where i belong.

the younger ones

zouked last night with ck, terence and ant. who on earth goes to zouk on a tuesday night? only people who have nothing better to do like us. sheares hall was holding some kind of an internal pagaent there, followed by an inter-jc pageant (which rj wasnt invited to take part in!! what the..). decided to go after spending a very boring and uneventful day at home. reached zouk at around 10 and found the place swarmed with little boys and girls. haha..i felt old amongst the 18 yr olds. these kids just finished As, the guys havent even been through NS yet..

it kinda brought back memories of myself three years back. how i spoke then, how i dress, how i thought...soo different. there was so much i didnt know then, not that i know a lot now, but comparatively... there are many things i wish i have done earlier, but when i think about it again, there is a right time for everything. some people are lucky to have a head start, others saw the light later. when it happens, it happens, that is the right time. when i was 18, my priorities were different. it could even be a blessing. you cant worry if you arent even aware of the problems that existed.

when i was 17...

..i climbed mount kinabalu! ok lar i dont look THAT different right..besides the hair length..and i was much fairer then.

we sailed to a tiny island in sabah: can spot me?

and there we witnessed a beautiful sunset...

anyway back to clubbing. we were flabbergasted when we realised that phuture wasnt going to be opened. and coupon only allowed us to exchange for a free soft drink. $16 for a soft drink! ant and ter were like OH MI GOD. haahha..we drank after that at the members' area. a few jugs of this sweet greenish drink (forgot the name), apple shooters, tequila shots. ter and i shared a flaming lambo cos we were sure if we each drank one, we'd puke! and i did (even tho we shared)..eeee...but wasnt drunk lar. haha..a little tipsy but was perfectly clear headed. danced with terence and gang for three hours straight. i was practically falling asleep on the dance floor towards the end. so sleeeepy. the night ended at 3am.

i hope i'm not taking people for granted. i try not to. but if i do, please forgive me..i dont mean to be ungrateful..though sometimes i might forget. i might even be demanding and unreasonable and petty..which i feel..deep down inside, that isnt really me? just that perhaps i've been getting so used to having things my way, having people giving in to me, that i forget what compromising means. i forget to be understanding. ok, that has got to change.

affairs over the weekend

Havent been feeling that great over the past few weekend. The sick bug certainly came at the wrong time when plenty of action was taking place. missed out on the zoukout which i swore i was going this year, since i've never been to one before. however my nose convinced me that i was too sick to survive a night at sentosa, plus i had a shoot the next day..so what the hell..sigh..there's always next year eh?

did a shoot with mr lobinhoot on friday. it was fun! and thanks for all the lovely pictures..:) another shoot on sunday for a feature on funkygrad, which should be up shortly i guess. was surprised to find out that the photog was alvin! the photography world is small indeed. he took great photos as well. found out that he is my junior in science, but i have never met him in school before.

my fav funkygrad pic taken by alvin

my lobinhoot pic

was at the aftermath of star awards at dragonfly. rubbed shoulders with many of the familiar faces which i usually only get to see on the screens in the comfort of my living room. was initially rather overwhelmed. isnt that fiona xie?? her legs are damn nice. tay ping hui! that guy from 5566...what is his name? heard that nakata was there as well..but erm..since i'm not a very fervent soccer fan, i dont really have much idea how he looked like. it was cool..but the excitement was short lived. yes they look good, but then with the right clothes and right make up, everyone can look like a star. it's all about packaging...the packaging of a product. at the end of the day, they are just humans, like all of us eh?

attended jon's 21st bday party on sat..just realised all my events are jumbled up, not in chronological order...hee never mind..happy birthday jon! the food was great..sorry i had to leave early cos i was dying already.

and finally...today..met up with roy boy. havent seen him for aaagess!! okok i admit it's my fault. i've disappeared from this earth quite a bit this sem, always standing him up somemore..i'm glad we finally had a chance to catch up today. we were just talking about how we first knew each other in sec school. both of us used to take132 to sch, me to rgs and him to sji. for a while we were just familiar faces that we only see on the bus every morning, until a twist of fate concluded the friendship.

some people in your life are meant to be just passerbys, some stop by for a while and then move on, others walk with you till the end...

attended dearie's cousin's wedding at grand copthorone. weddings are such grand affairs. it was lavishly done. there were 3 photographers, 6o tables of guests and a fantastic jazz band that played throughout the wedding entertaining the guests. i love weddings; they never fail to touch me.

little angels waiting for the solemnisation to begin

me and dearie

did anyone buy this month's maxim? a friend told me i'm on the last few pages of the mag..probably in the devil outfit..-shrugs-

to my dearest who should be having one hell of a time in thailand now..thought you said you will call me when you've reached..sigh..

met up with eng tat and jas this afternoon and had a nice catching up session at tcc.



to the boy is who blissfully in love now..i'm so happy for you! really really..i've never seen you this crazy over anyone before..not that i've known you for a very long time..but oh well..you get what i mean. it's not gonna be easy, but i hope you guys pull it through..:)

dropped by at PA 8's pre departure briefing in school. just wanted to take a peep at the team before they set off. the team looks good, but no group can be comparable to pa 7! we have people with some distinct personalities that it's amazing. but then again i dont know these people well enough to judge..

i sat there looking upon their faces, thinking about all those experiences i wish i could share with them, wanting to tell them how i had some of my life's best memories formed in cambodia... strings of longing tugging at my heart; how i wish i could go back there and relieve those memories again!

and so i thought..these people will return, each with their own stories to tell.

under attack by the sick bug

it has been a long time since i've fallen sick. havent officially been to the doc's since i've been with my dearie, in other words it means since 14 months ago.

but i'm feeling downright awful now. no flu, no cough, a little bit of a sore throat, head hurts like shit, there is a painful sensaion when i close my eyes, my lips are dry, feverish..i feel terrible!! i can feel it coming..it's coming..the sicko bug is approaching..:(

and the worse thing is i cant sleep now! cos i've just eaten rice (high carbo food) and otah (extremely heaty food) and some back chicken soup thingy. yumyum..but if i sleep now, i'll grow fat! booo...

i'm feeling...demoralised. i can do better than this, i know i can. i'm falling short of my expectations, and that sucks.

spent a lazy day with dearie. he finally finished his last paper this morning. went for a casting, which wasnt very satisfactory. the dress they gave me to wear was a very lovely tube silk dress from warehouse, which i have fallen in love with when i saw it on the mannequin. however if i wasnt mistaken, the dress should cost around $200+? pricey! unfortunately though the dress was lovely, it was size 10, and it was hanging loose on my frame. sigh, hardly flattering at all. it was during the interview that i realised how unimpressive my portfolio was.

next hurdle to conquer was prejudging on sat for miss chinatown, which i missed on sat because of my paper. i had it easier than the rest of the girls, because i didnt have to wear a bikini, and i had only 3 judges instead of 9 posing questions at me. the three men were nice people, and it was a rather informal session. i was supposed to answer all the questions in mandarin, but ahh i mixed english with chinese. sigh should have kept a more conscious effort to speak mandarin only.

so i spent a lazy day today. i've got my schedule planned out for this week.

a brighter day

i'm relieved that the exams are finally over. the papers this year were especially bad. i dont want to dwell much on it now..since they're already over. good riddance!!! the world seem brighter now...

double o last night with chee keong and terence. felt good chilling out with the guys after the papers. had a few emotional moments, since my dearest partner will be leaving for the states shortly. after 5 semesters together, i'm really gonna miss you. i swear it's not just the lab reports haha.. you guys are the only reason why studying life science is tolerable, there is no way else i could have survived! 20 years down the road i'll look back on these days and smile...

i'll save the goodbye for later, since you're not like leaving..tmr..

endured a long and draggy rehearsal for miss chinatown today. i'm just glad it's gonna be over in like..3 days' time. i'm so vexed by the whole organisation of the competition that i dont even want to talk about it now. much of our precious time was wasted, every single time.. i agree that some of us dont really put in much effort..but we try. wouldnt you agree with me, sometimes the amount of effort one put in is dependent on how much the other party decide to put in as well? if you show us that you care to make this a success, that you care to be on time, that this is important to you, then we will also make the effort to do our best. you dont, so we dont either. honestly, we deserve better, and not having insults hurled at us.

oh well, never mind.

more interesting pictures to share, taken by my friend, a photog, clifford.

"Was touched by the dedication of this old lady,
who have faithfully come to the park to feed the
pigeons and pat them, hug them, over the last few decades."

"This has got to be my favourite pic. My heart melted when she started cuddling her feathered child. The amazing thing was, the pigeon did not struggle at all... contented to be cuddled by her human mother..."

boredom

this post, is to relieve my boredom. i'm cooped up within these four walls. files and notes are spread over my bed, there is silence except for the occasional distracting sounds of screeching tires..oh wait..someone, somewhere is blowing the HORN..and there is a mum screaming at her little kid.. not that silent after all.

my itunes is playing the scientist, by coldplay. it's on shuffle.

msn off, no one to interrupt my peace.

i'm supposed to be studying, but my concentration span is short lived.

i'm lying on my bed, laptop on my lap. just stifled a yawn.

i'm still terribly perplexed by the strange calls i've received a while ago. what exactly do you want? what is your motive? do you really think i wouldnt know? who are you?

i've developed this obsession with pictures. i used to think i'm probably just obsessed with myself, but no, i like to look at the photos taken of others by others as well. that reminds me, i must get myself a decent digital camera after my exams end, then i'll give a shot at being a photographer too. ha ha ha..let the roles reverse.

went for mc rehearsal last night. we learnt two dances. very simple ones, only 8 counts of 8 for each. i dont have much flair for dancing..i just hope i can master them well enough to put on a reasonably watchable performance.

i look horribly cheena-fied, dont i? haha..

two more papers to go. pharmacology and biotechnology. i remember cant remember all the drugs' names. sigh.

46 hours to absolute freedom? ah, now that is a welcoming thought.

these photos were taken in paris by a singaporean photog called kelvin. lovely arent they... sheesh, i hope i wont get sued for copyright. but all i want is to share these photos with you...enjoy!

these photos would look incomplete if they were just featuring one person, or two people who arent in love.
they make me want to get married too, in paris.

phonies

to hell with phonies

again the issue of being 'over friendly' and 'too approachable' was brought up today. it has given rise to shitloads of nonsense i have had to endure from people. phonies seem to be everywhere these days; i dont know who i can believe anymore. in truth, i know, i've only got myself to blame. my naviety and my stupidity, to be so easily taken in by people, to have such an acute lack of senseeeeee. oh my god..where did my brain juices go to? certainly not to my studies...

it's okay. i'm back on earth now, and i'm determined to stay on earth.

today was boring. spent the morning and early afternoon studying. since i'm safely on earth now, studying was much more productive for the first half of the day, thankfully. went for cheongsam fittings at marine parade (that was freaking far!). tried on 2 of them..it was crap. the first one was soooooooo loose, the 2nd one was alright, but was far from flattering as well. the woman said we cant change the sizes of the cheongsams, not matter how ill fitting they are, cos..they have no other sizes left. basically, what she gives us is what we HAVE to wear. then what is the point of fitting?? waste my time..could have used it on something more constructive..

went off for the second fitting at tanjong pagar. selection of a gown..i always have this idea that the gown is one of the important factor that determine whether you win or lose. it's usually the last piece of clothing that we have to wear, and usually for Q&A as well. i tried on 4..and after much deliberation, settled on a pink tube gown. i looked sweet in it, ahh which is not exactly the effect i want. i want to look sophisticated. pretty even..but not...sweet?? but it's decent, so i guess that's good enough.

and yes, i still have two papers tmr. you may wonder how come i still have time to do so many things, and still blog now..haha..plain laziness is the answer..

ooh yeah..you can catch me here..haha..dearie pls dun be angry when you read it ya..i was just being cheeky haha. --> http://motoring.asiaone.com.sg/motorworld/20061123_004.html

random

the randoms

sometimes i really hate myself for thinking so much, and so lowly of people around me. I was told that you cant trust anyone; you just never know who will turn their backs on you. So in the name of self defense, i raise my guard. i resist being lured into an intimate relationship with people. however when i finally realised they are actually so selfless, i'm ashamed. ashamed of all the pricks on the hedgehog.

sigh, still..one can never be too careful.

***

it's not working. i was at home the whole of today, except a short trip to westmall in the morning to run an errand. other than that, i was supposed to be studying. except again, i fell asleep sometime during the afternoon, i spent a quarter of the day stoning, a second quarter watching tv and surfing the net, and the third quarter bathing and eating. fabulous. my eyes may be on my notes, but nothing is getting in. NOTHING is getting in!!! urggh.

***

the wait is getting excruciatingly painful. despite my most desperate attempts to stop myself from drifting too much from reality, it's really not working. i CANT stop thinking about it. my thoughts fluctuate from euphoria to disppointment, a result from vivid imagination of the best and extreme pessimism.

i'm suffering from schizophrenia.

delusional

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

one down

attended ting's 21st bday party last night at laguna country club. it was lovely! she booked the entire vineyard. the food was yummy and the decor was pretty. :) i forgot i still had a paper today..


through the glass


me enjoying the fine food

today's paper was supposedly very disastrous, quoting most of the 'zai' people around me. i feel no emotion though. it was an mcq paper. 40 + 30 x 5 true/false questions. i finished it in 1h 10mins, almost falling asleep cos it was so boring, and i spent the rest of my time stoning. literally stoning and letting my mind drift...

ahh cant be bothered.

sigh.

it is so near, it's almost within my grasp..and then..the wind blows..blowing it away..life returns back to normal, as if nothing has ever happened before.

1 down, 4 more to go.

25th: microbiology - 9am + jap - 5pm
1st dec: pharmocology - 2.30pm
2nd dec: biotechnology - 1pm

earth to yiming earth to yiming!!!! get back to earth pleasee!!

oh no, i really dont want to think so much. what if it all boils down to nothing?

confidence, oh confidence..i must have confidence in myself..

my value

just want to add some thoughts, early in the morning before i start off my day. even though it's already 9.45am now..haha i dont think that's considered early for some of us.

believe it or not, i've long become immune to derogatory comments made about me. my policy is, which i believe i've reinstated on my blog several times in the course of time that i actually have a blog, if i have to care about what the whole world thinks about me, i'm gonna lead a very sad life. but i do care about what my closest friends think....

no one really cares about anyone. everyone is self centred, and we really only care about ourselves. when people come to my blog and call me a slut whatsoever, i wonder what they really want to achieve. you wanna put me down? you wanna ruin my reputation? it makes you feel better? you have nothing better to do, and you're looking for some sort of amusement and entertainment? whatever. i'm not sad, you are.

[to passerby: no, you dont fall into that category, your comment is perfectly acceptable.]

people who badmouth or backstab one another, are those who are truly insecure about themselves.

and also, i believe that self esteem and confidence is something that you have to have in yourself; you determine your self worth. it's not measured by how much compliments given by others or how many trophies you have won. if you believe in yourself, then it's pretty difficult to let anything get you down. but it's tough..we are humans after all..we get affected by others' opinions of us. it helps get me through failures and rejections sometimes though. "i didnt get the job, but it doesnt mean that i'm lousy. probably i'm just not lucky this time round, or there is someone who is more compatible with the job than me." haha what a consolation...

alrighty i gonna go school. see ya folks.

ladido..

ah. was it just a coincidence that two of my closest friends talked to me about the same thing on the same day.. i'm fine peeps, really..i'm sorry for the depressing posts recently. everyone lapse into that state every once in a while.

i know what i'm doing..i pride myself on being able to think, well, most of the time at least..when i'm not thinking, i think i'm blessed with friends who are concerned enough to tell me to 'wake up my idea'.

so all is great. today was spent studying with dearie in hall. my first paper is on sat, i'm not done with studying, but i feel no sense of urgency at all, haha. is that normal?

was at timbre last night chilling out with andre. i think it's one of the nicest feeling in the world, to be sipping my cosmopolitan with my guy bestie, listening to romantic, sentimental songs that the band was playing. the malay singer actually sang first love!! he got all the jap lyrics right..it was good..i was impressed haha. but then again, maybe it was just me, i'm a sucker for romance.

lallaa..this post is rather meaningless..i know..

i suddenly felt very miserable just now. there is so much on mind every other day; there seem to be so many things that i have to deal with, so many people that i've gotten myself 'involved with'..so much so that i hardly seem to have enough time with myself.

perhaps i'm just trying too hard to please everyone. i'm trying to give a piece to everyone, and in the end, everyone ends up getting nothing. i should stop bothering so much. i should just take care of the people that really matter to me.

make life easier and simplier for myself. but it's probably never going to happen, cos i am complicated. it's just me.

there are loads of lonely people in the world. it's so sad. but like so many things in life, there is only one word i can use to describe how i feel: resignation.


just to add some colour to this very grey post, this is a pic taken by alvin! he laid some flashes behind the wheel to get the blue/red effect. cool eh.

the end

and so the motorshow has finally drawn to an end. back to books for me. first paper this sat!! i'm so not prepared for it at all. though it was tiring, the motorshow has been a great exposure for me. i've met soooo many people over the 8 days that i've worked. friends that i've yet to see for years, people from nus, a mediacorp producer, event organisers, insurance agents, bf's friends who recognised me from my blog (haha wonder if you guys will be reading this...:p), my cousins, and lots n lots n lots of photographers.

someone actually wanted my autograph on my photo. i was like..."HHAHAA..what the hell.."..in my heart of course. must act professional, like it's an everyday affair. HA ha.

i'm just glad i can finally stop smiling, and have a good rest.


this pic is pretty interesting isnt it! he was actually taking a mirror reflection of me and himself. :)

dec is coming..i wont be travelling, to anywhere far far away at least..does anyone has jobs to offer?

back to the meeting people part. i'm meeting a lot of people these days. it's amazing. is my guardian angel scattering some kind of luck powder over me or something? i'm not sure whether it's a blessing...but still...i must be lucky. i'm thinking, thinking..and thinking these days. perhaps even too much for my own good.

there is a dark side to everything, just that we might not know, cos we arent in it. everything comes with a price.........

what do i really want in life? sigh. the eternally unanswerable question.

sorry to all friends whom i havent really been talking to recently..busy yea..and night time is usually peak hour when i get bombarded by zillions of msn msgs. it doesnt help that my lappie is one of the weakest of its time; she cant cope with too many windows simultaneously.

working today. 1-9pm, again.

anyway i've uploaded some of my albums only my multiply website, yimingg.multiply.com...can go take a look if you're bored! :)

and just to make myself feel better, i'll start studying after the motorshow ends, which is..next mon.

i want to move on..i know i have to move on, but how does one move on when you cant see any road ahead of you?

mind boggling.

i'm afraid to aim, because i'm afraid i would fall, hard.

dont put too much thoughts in my mind, dont make me think.

sigh.

exclusivity.

"i hate to think that if it wasnt me sitting on the car, it would just be some other pretty girl." it doesnt matter which one.. you're just ONE of them, which is..a sickening thought really.

another long day of work awaits me.

me in she-devil outfit! so cute right..the horns and the tail..was working at maxim's 2nd yr anniversary held at dragonfly about a week plus ago.

so many things to be done, so little time, so little resolve.

am i heading for doom?

tired, falling asleep on the bed, with my lappie.

good night, world.

my fairlady

and so the motorshow continues. as more and more crowds are coming in, the job gets more and more tiresome. it's one thing to pose and smile for one camera, it's another thing to hold your smile for 10 mins. i actually smiled till my head hurt and my jaw ached! i'm sure i'm gonna look pretty awful in some of the pics that people took cos my smile is often disfigured if i have to hold it for a long period of time. nonetheless, the good thing about crowds is that time passes much faster that way.

met several photogs whom i know, random friends from over all over the place...


it's the march behind me, though it's quite impossible to tell from the pic...




if only i was the real owner of this car..my fairlady!

tired.

thee motorshow

me posing with the murano. first day of the motorshow is over. a boring start to a highly anticipated event. not many people because it was press day and the exhibition isnt open to the public yet. i swear standing around and acting 'vase' is one of the most boh liao and brainless job in the world. smile smile smile..that was all i did the whole day. looking all glam and pretty isnt fun at all haha...there are blisters on my last toes now. damn it hurts! every step taken in that wretched pair of boots spells agony!

i met quite a few people whom i know..the most stunning one were my cousins!! never expected to see them..

anyway 1 down, 8 more days for me to go. it's another 8 hours of looking pretty tmr. but this time i think it's gonna be a lot more crowded.

lots of mc shoots, events and rehearsals coming up in the next week or so, right smack in the middle of my exams. what luck...sigh.

what a day

havent really blogged for a while..in some kind of crisis recently. it's getting tougher and tougher trying to drag myself to classes in the morning, hence explaining why i havent been to school for the past 2 days. haha..not exactly sitting around, wasting my time away, though i must admit there were times when i've been gulity of that. i've had stuff to do...

miss chinatown semi finals was held 5 hours ago. i really must thank a few people..firstly my dearest bf who came to support me, and my project angel friends, debs, hazel, keng moh and sylvia, who totally took me by surprise when i came out and heard cheers from this bunch of crazy people at the dark end of the room! it was a real pleasant surprise...and i'm touched. really i am, for they bothered to find out which day it was and bought tics...thanks guys..! :)

i'm glad i didnt disappoint u guys. :) into the finals i go.


mc 33 siqi and mc 34 mee..she should have gotten in too..

the whole affair was over in a split second, or so it seemed to me. walked out, smile, pose, go back in, change to the next outfit, and repeat the cycle.


pic is a little blur but that's me, walking down the runway in the red bikini.


being taken in cheongsam


the six finalists from my group..there will be 20 altogether. it's just fate that i'm the only one wearing blue cheongsam while all the rest were wearing black.

and now..i'm exhausted.

working tmr from 10-6. *yawns*

my studies are going down the drain. for the first time in my life, i'm not sure how i'm going to cope with it......

the lights go off
the curtains fall
the mascara removed
and i'm back to me

dont you ever question yourself whether it's a good thing when you have more of something? it seems that no matter what you have, it brings problems, only of another sort. when you have to hand wash your clothes, you complain it's tiring, slow and time consuming. when you have the washing machine, you complain it damages your clothes.

i may not be the richest, the smartest, the luckiest person around..but i'm definitely blessed..i'm blessed with people who cares for me. :)

"it's not always a good thing to be friendly...", or so that guy said. indeed, i'm definitely not the shrewdest person around; i even admit i can be pretty naive at times, but i still pride myself on being able to read people quite well, to a certain extent. or so i thought. perhaps just sometimes, i got to remind myself that the message i think i am conveying doesnt coincide with what the receipent is getting. friendliness can be mistaken.

i like to judge my performance, and give myself a grade. this is my self appraisal. they say practice makes perfect. really? somehow i feel that my performances fluctuate, and today wasnt one of those good days.

sigh.

my schedule

nov
3rd: working at st james
4th: shoot at clarke quay
5th: mc rehearsal
6th: nissan rehearsal + sis's bday + casting
7th: ----
8th: mc
9-12th: motorshow
13th: jap report to hand up + class 7pm
14: motorshow
15th: jap oral exam
16th: motorshow
17th: 3212 ca3 to hand up
18 & 19th: motorshow
20-24th: studying timeeee!!!!
25th: 3212 paper
28th: morning - 3232 paper, afternoon - jap paper

dec
1st: 3211 paper
2nd: 3244 paper

sometimes i think it's better if i dont know the photographer at all..it's harder to pretend when someone has already gotten a glimpse of who you really are underneath.

to a sweet november

it's the first day of november. i feel obliged to write an entry. i've got many things to blog about actually, cos i've been doings lots these days and i do have a lot of undocumented thoughts in my head. but somehow i'm just lacking of inspiration..i've started on 2 entries before this and deleted them both after the first paragraph cos they sounded so forced. i'm just gonna type whatever that comes to my mind now...

it's gonna be a busier month ahead, with the motorshow starting next thurs, and exams. EXAMS. i wonder how i'm going to cope with it..i totally lack the mood to study.

ahhh to be continued...haha..loss of mood to write. sigh this post is so crappy.

Ramblings

it's tough to be contented. humans are like that; we just keep wanting more and more. i think i deserve more, but one has got to be patient.

would it get me anywhere?

anyways, if you've nothing better to do, do vote for me at www.dragon78.com ya! yeah i know the web add sounds kind of dubious..judging from the number of votes i have compared to the rest of the girls, think i'm probably not gonna make it..haha but it doesnt really matter.

raining hippos again, i'm staying at home with a good book in hand. are you afraid of the dark, by sidney sheldon, one of my favourite authors of all times. it has been a while since i read..getting my life back on track..

where are you going this dec? bro is goign hk, to find his gf again; sis is going melb with her friends (my little sis is growing up!); dearie is going bangkok with his buddies too...where does that leave me to go..? think i'll probably just stick around in sg, work and save up money.....

lastly to my darling bf, who has never stopped complaining about the rare mention of his name on my blog..thank you for loving me the way i am. :) i know it's not easy..if it was some other guy, that guy would have gone crazy a long time ago. haha but you made it! you survived one yr of ME! i love ya..no matter how ugly you are!! :p

just thinking

i realised that i shouldnt judge a person by their professions. engineering is boring, but if you're an engineer, it doesnt mean you're a boring person. research takes up a lot of brain juices, but it doesnt mean that if you're a researcher, you are intellectual..or a science geek. similarly, we usually think of sales people as eloquent and impressionable, but it doesnt mean if you're doing sales, you are the way your job perceives you to be. truly, there is a general perception of how a person of a certain profession is supposed to be like, but that is sterotypical..and not always accurate. in other words, what you do dont make you who you are. you do what you do because of who you are..usually.

there's nothing wrong with being an engineer or researcher, or salesman...as long as you like what you're doing. just be true to yourself..right?

which is exactly what is wrong with me...i'm trying to be what someone who is doing what i'm doing should be. get it? eg: i'm a researcher and i'm pretending to be interested in biology because this is what a researcher should be. i'm trying to be someone else, someone whom i want myself to be perceived as, but not who i really am.

and i'm kind of sick of doing that..i dont wanna pretend to like it when i dont. i dont wanna to be A when i'm really B. i dont wanna do it for C, i wanna do it cos i want to.

but then again, what if what i like to do doesnt bring me the kind of income i want? my manager told me once, there are a lot of things he would rather be doing, but fundamentally, in life, whether you like it or not, everything boils down to the M word. no money, no talk. you need money to get married, to buy a car, to buy house, to eat, to shop.....blah blah. if you're doing something you like, but you dont have money, you wont be entirely happy too. that's his logic, to work hard and earn big bucks now, retire early and do the stuff he wants next time.

which makes sense too eh.

maybe one day i'll find something that can coexist. something i love and that will get me rich also.

lazing on a raining day

im happy. the last test is officially over, the next one would be my jap oral test followed by the EXAMS. today's test will go okay i guess, i dont think i'll fail.....since i spent the whole time peering at other people's answers. i do hope that the pink girl whom i copied from is smart...haha.. actually i really did study! spent the whole of yesterday mugging in my bf's hall room, but somehow the questions just dont relate much to whatever i've studied. or maybe i'm simply just not confident of myself...i never am, when it comes to life sciences.

never mind, i dont care, it's over. i'm happily munching jack and hill potato chips now. been stuffing myself with junk food these days. it's a rare occurance that i'm home at this time of the day. sooo quiett...without the yakking of my sis and mum.....phew..

and it's raining...

i dont have to study, i dont have to work, i dont have to meet anyone...

i met a girl. i met a girl so simple and innocent that she evokes my envy. someone with such simple wants and straightforward ambitions in life. she doesnt consider the practicalities, she just simply pursue what she knows she loves doing.

someone who still believes in romantic tales. she just wants to be loved and be the one she loves; to treat him wholeheartedly without any qualms of what the future might bring. she has yet to learn the definition of heartbreaks....

someone who is simply oblivious to the realities and harshness of life... she is unaware of the dangers that is lurking in every dark corner of the world.

someone who is geniunely happy and contented....

how i envy her. how i wish i'm like her.

so happy, so uncomplicated.

last night

had dinner with ck, terence and erin at vivo last night. come to think of it, we rarely eat outside together ya? most of my memories of us eating together is in the science canteen haha. ate at this japanese restaurant called shikuyaki. exorbitant prices for portions which are disgustingly small. poor terence kept complaining he wasnt full...especially since he was busy studying for the microbio test and hadnt eaten for like..a day? the dinner was unsatisfying..still..dont we always say that the company matters more than the activity itself?

the dessert did helped a little..haagen daz ice cream was yummies. i made a mess of myself eating the single scoop midnight cookie and cream ice cream cone. the couple ordered a brownie and the fondue which everyone shared. ck had a sahara sth sth redbean, some blended ice cream that tasted very...red beanish. sinful....

oh yeah...thanks partner..for the treat......:)

me and ck made a trip down to thumper at goodwood park hotel with his cousin and friends. nice place..obviously caters to an older and more mature crowd though..music was good. had fun dancing...i'm sorry i was a little glum at times ya...things just ain't going right for me these days. as much as i want to throw away all troubles and play my heart and soul out, i couldnt do it..maybe a little bit more of alcohol last night would have helped...but chivas mixed with plain water certainly wont do the trick haha. i didnt want to get high last night, i had my exhibition to think about today.

nonetheless i did have fun. and i hope my mood didnt spoil yours , ck. :) considering the pole dances and all the flirting with the other girls...i dont think it did lar right..hahaha..:P

today's work was moderately boring. our skimpy attires were hardly appropriate for such a serious and formal exhibition. haiz but what to do..men will be men..cant wait for tmr to be over. thanks alan and phoa who dropped by after the shoot today. and ck who came..and waited a loong looooonnnnggg time for me to get my contact lens...heee..

i'm so tired now. emotionally drained really. i just want to go n sleep.

some optimism is good for life.

somehow this inverse relationship holds true sometimes..

..and it's something i've never stopped fearing...

i dont know what to say anymore. i dont even know what to think anymore. neither do i know how i feel anymore. what more can i say? you've made your point, and i've made mine.

it's not even about the plain act of missing the program itself anymore..it's about how hurt you've made me feel, and how hurt you're still making me feel, by trying to find excuses to cover up what has happened.

i'm prepared to let everything pass, because it doesnt matter anymore, because i care more for you than one stupid incident. but if i can get through my head, can i get through my heart?

i know you arent feeling well, but does it make up for everything?

just forget it ya..just forget it...

catch me if you can

honestly, even though i'm like studying, i'm not really studying. get what i mean? i'm holding my notes and reading them, but i'm really understanding less than 10% of what i'm reading. ask me again 10 mins later what i've studied, i think i'll have difficulty answering you.

skipped my jap tutorial again this morning. i looked out of the window, thought it was raining (it's really only the haze, i realised to my disappointment when i woke up..), and went back to dreamland.

microbio test is in 3 hours' time, and even though i've been studying the whole of yesterday, i feel ill prepared.

i've decided, it's not that i've been too preoccupied, or that i've no time; i'm just simply not there anymore.

everyone comes with baggage..dont you agree?

there's no 'perfect one', because no one comes without flaws. it seems that sometimes acceptance is the only solution..but who sets the limit...how far do you go..how far can one go?

i dropped one of my contact lenses, so right now i'm wearing my hard lens on my left eye, and soft lens on the other, which doesnt correct for my astigmatism. the skewed vision is giving me a headache. looks like the geek look is gonna be in for the next few weeks...

microbiology test tmr. studying time...cant afford to fail another test!

just a day, just an ordinary day...

i realised i have this tendency to let people down, to disappoint them, to fail to meet up to their expectations of me...

i have this tendency to make people go,"haiz..yiming...", and then make them wonder why they still stick with me after all i've done...

like to mr andre teo, who named me someone who is always 'fashionably late, fashionably broke, and fashionably lost'...

like to ck and terence, who always let me copy the lab reports that they have painstakingly took much time and effort to complete..and always without complaints (well ok just a little sometimes, but i always know at the end of the day they'll aways relent and give in to me....)..

like to my dear bf, who has endured much shit with me..who has been 'forced' into accepting many things that other bfs wouldnt have been able to tolerate, simply because i'm his gf...


distort my face for being a bad girl!

and to the rest of the many people out there.....

i'm not a bad person. i have no intentions to make use of anyone. just that sometimes because of my stubborness, i give out the wrong vibes.. sometimes, i'm just simply not aware that my actions would hurt others..

hey...

so again it has been a while since i last posted any entries. Days are flying by. Suddenly I feel as if I've got so many things i could blog about that i dont know where to start.....

For those who dont already know..actually most of you wouldnt know, since i've only told a couple of my closest friends, i'm actually running for miss chinatown singapore. Nothing glam, nothing to boast about..it's not an event under mediacorp, not as widely publicised as MSU, a much more low key pageant, not well coordinated, the standard of the girls isnt very high, they make us do stupid things, waiting hours are long...i can go on and on about the complaints i have for this competition haha, but i dont think it's very nice so i shall stop here... i'm not sure whether it was a wise choice to even join in the first place, since much of the events are spreaded out over the next month, bit by bit closer to my exams..

the preview shows over the weekend at HDB hub has left me pretty disillusioned, but it's too late to back out now since i've already signed a contract. it's not all that bad.. as cliche as it might sound, miss congenality in certain ways has portrayed the experience of taking part in a pageant pretty well. i've made friends with several girls.. we slack tgr, bitch tgr, encourage each other, reassure each other that our hair is ok, our make up is not running....

so i still treasure this experience, though it might not be much. to my fellow pa7-ians, who couldnt stop calling me miss chinatown last night!!! thanks for the encouragement..i really appreciate it.. for once i feel that people really care for me to do well.......


the gang that we've establised.


me in cheongsam!! and andre..my devoted supporter!! thanks for making your way down.....

last night we celebrated xiaojun's 21st bday.. poor girl, struggling to get PA8 going..i wonder how this yr's pa8 is like... i feel like returning back to cambodia again this yr end, but then..there are always more things in life to look forward to..

at yum cha..

me and the birthday girl!


me, qiming and yongyao..aiyo yy..do take care okiee...:)

i gonna be working at the UK land launch fair this weekend at suntec. drop by there to see me if you're around the area! went for a short training session today at the land international, the company i'm working for.. it's COOL.. those who has $15k to spare and are interested in high returns business opportunities, do contact me!!! haha.. seriously if i have the money, i would buy a plot of land in uk too..

last but not least..TO MY DEAR DEAR DEAR BESTIE!!! haiz girl..i dont know what i can say to make you feel better also..i know you're going through shit now, and seriously, i feel damn bad because i havent been there the entire week when you probably needed someone to talk to and be around you and show concern for you.. i'm really sorry, you dont know how awful i felt when i received that sms and suddenly it just dawned upon me how much i've been neglecting you haha. oh sheesh sounds so lesbianly.. but anyway..remember what i told you ok.. we gonna be friends forever manz, you gonna make a speech for me on my wedding day!! yaaaammm seeeennngg with me, be my bribesmaid!! 30 yrs down the road, we gonna be mothers, meet up and let our kids play with each other..and our kids will be good friends too haha... soo.. i'm not gonna let you go anywhere...........

there will be rainbow after the rain...just wait and see...just wait.....

is it worth it?

today was officially my first day of work. it wasnt as good as i hope, i thought i could have done better.. much better, but at least it wasnt without returns. it also wasnt as bad as i had imagined it to be, it was easier than i've thought, maybe because i'm already so used to such approaches from other jobs that i've done before. getting the conversation going was easy, getting into the subject was more challenging to me..especially since i'm not exactly one you can call worldly or knowledgeable.. nonetheless..i had fun..and like sean said, i've nothing at stake..as yet...

for all the little things that he has done today, i'm touched. what can i do without him..?

have you ever felt like you're giving too much for something minor..and then start to wonder whether it was worth all the efforts, for such little returns? an analogy..you're a wine lover, and one day your teacher asked you to do a project on wine, which will only come up to 5% of your final grade. nonetheless because wine is your passion, you sacrificed time and energy on this project, simply because you want to and you enjoy doing it... it doesnt matter what grade you get at the end of the day, at the most you'll just get 5/5, which really isnt anything significant. however in the meantime, because you've spent so much time on this project, you started neglecting the rest of your subjects.

so the question is, is it worth it?